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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous.

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.
The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached the side of his car.
It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence....'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?'
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said:
'A pumpkin? Shit ... Is it midnight already?'
The court (and the judge) could not contain their mirth.
by locky801
Tue Oct 29, 2013 11:45 am
 
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Re: ASCA 2013/14.

Gowser wrote:Should have declared, no two ways about it. Childish and goes straight the integrity of the club.



The reason we didnt declare is because i was hungover and i couldnt be stuffed fielding.
by Magnum Force
Mon Nov 04, 2013 7:23 am
 
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Re: CEO of the comp makes 315, gets slammed for doing it

Part of the problem with society now is that some parents and do-gooders think its unfair for kids to experience failure, or get hurt, or feel sad.

Tough luck, how about worrying less about pleading with him to retire and more about getting him out.

I guess the kid that dropped him on 40 was lucky that he and his team mates were kids, coz if he was an adult he'd be buying the beers for the rest of the night if I was playing in his team!
by Jabber
Thu Jan 16, 2014 8:14 am
 
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Re: Australian of the Year Announced

I'd say he's the first Australian of the year to have bullied a 13 year old girl in his year of excellence.
by smac
Sat Jan 25, 2014 9:25 pm
 
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Re: SS SA v Two Heads

scoob wrote:
Jim05 wrote:
mighty_tiger_79 wrote:
scoob wrote:He might even shout Chuck a burger with the lot for lunch - upsized


Do you want fries with that?

Will Botha the spud do?


Chuck Botha and Macdonald in as the Spuds on the side


surely Macdonalds will provide botha the burger and spud
by mighty_tiger_79
Wed Mar 12, 2014 2:03 pm
 
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Re: Community Cricket Structure

Don't even bother involving SACA they can't even get a review on their own competition....
by heater31
Tue Mar 18, 2014 2:50 pm
 
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Re: 2015: 7 Pure A-Grade Divisions

Marbles, I can't quite work it out. Half your posts are saying that the C-grade teams are stopping the A-graders from winning flags, and the other half are saying the C-grade teams are getting smashed by the A-grade sides.

It's starting to sound a lot like the AFL reserves in the SANFL discussions, where the same people were saying the reserves sides would win too easily, but also destroy the comp by not trying and not playing to win, only interested in setting up team structures and bringing blokes back from injury.

Which one is it? This guy sounds intelligent.
by morell
Mon Jun 02, 2014 6:11 pm
 
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Re: SAAFL division 6 2014

Just quietly you wouldn't be the first punter to lose money with Trader ;)
by morell
Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:20 pm
 
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Re: Biggest Finals Upsets

morell wrote:
Footy Chick wrote:
morell wrote:I started typing out all the CLG finals chokes but ran into the safooty word limit.


now, now - probably not as bad as some... ive got details somewhere but don't have time to post.

I'd suggest that ours probably isn't much better.
yeah but everyone likes Hope Valley.


Refer you to Div 8 thread
by jo172
Tue Sep 16, 2014 4:30 pm
 
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Re: ATCA 2014/15.

dont kick stumps. its not nice
by Stumps
Tue Feb 10, 2015 8:50 am
 
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Re: Key Defender/Forward required.

I really hope that's a typo Yankee :oops:
by Footy Chick
Mon Mar 02, 2015 10:08 pm
 
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Re: Ch9 AFL Division 7 - 2015

Image

If I'm a pelican, I just caught a fish. *num, num, num, num, num*
by Dogwatcher
Tue May 26, 2015 10:59 am
 
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Re: ATCA

Trader wrote:Agreed. They are pushing the ATCA around and the CEO is allowing it.
They have just posted their LO4 side and seems they've done it there too.
G Bhatt has played 9 LO1 games (including the last 8 in a row) then all of a sudden showed up in LO4 this week...


Has G Bhall also been dropped?
by Dogwatcher
Fri Feb 12, 2016 10:57 am
 
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Re: ATCA

Sitting down having lunch at Walkerville Oval and out strolls the Pooraka curator.
Takes a few happy snaps of the wicket then some distance measures from the centre wicket to the boundaries.
It's just a strip of grass JJ. .
Last time I was at Walkerville there wasn't much grass on their square....it was just a strip of dirt
by Senor Moto Gadili
Thu Mar 03, 2016 12:04 pm
 
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Re: CH9AFL Division 1 2016

https://www.facebook.com/9NewsAdelaide/ ... 358557461/

What a bunch of legends the PAOC boys are raising money for this little girl.
by The Big Shrek
Sun May 22, 2016 4:24 pm
 
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Re: 2016 C9AFL Div 7

Lucky the league has you two to sort these things out............
I've made a typically rock solid suggestion.

If a club elects to drop divisions, A graders who leave may not be allowed to return for a determined period.

Here's a rock solid suggestion that will solve a question that's been confounding scientists for centuries
Next time you play Salisbury West, swap your B and C Grades so we can finally sort out whether a D1R side could beat a D7 A Grade side
by Jimmy_041
Thu May 26, 2016 11:26 am
 
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Re: Salary Cap Investigations

What really loses me is that all Divisions have the same salary cap with the natural implication being that the gap between D1 and D7 should be as narrow as possible.

In what world is this a preferable reality?
by jo172
Wed Nov 23, 2016 11:45 am
 
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Re: AFL Round 3

I find it amusing that when Betts or any other indigenous person speaks out about it (and so he certainly should), people applaud them (and so they should) but when Goodes speaks up and he's a sook. I have friends who aren't even cow or pear supporters (and some even follow those two clubs) who love the stand these clubs and the above people have taken to stamp out racism, but on the other hand have ripped pieces of Goodes for the stand he made! You could even chuck in the broader football community too!
Double standards at its finest.

Can't stand racism and I want to say personally it's great what these clubs are doing!!!

Simple, people don't like Adam Goodes because he is Adam Goodes, Paddy Ryder didn't even want it to go public, the media go to Eddie Betts about it and he brushes it off and just wants to focus on his footy, Goodes wanted it all to be about himself.
by Lightning McQueen
Wed Apr 12, 2017 10:36 am
 
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Re: AFL Round 7

Jim05 wrote:Zaharakis still the only bloke to get games for a gut punch


At least he didn't get games for a 'jab' ;)
by Zorro
Tue May 23, 2017 11:19 am
 
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Re: Adelaide Footy League Division 1 - 2017

I reckon the Uni bloke deserved one on the chin for having a shit hair cut.
by The Bedge
Fri Jun 16, 2017 1:06 pm
 
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Re: Adelaide Footy League Division 1 - 2017

The Big Shrek wrote:On a final note, Trader, the last post makes you look like a latte drinking twat.
More your can of coke type character.
by morell
Fri Jul 14, 2017 3:38 pm
 
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Re: Adelaide Footy League Division 6 - 2017

More importantly, that premiership book weighs out to way under break even (72%). Probably a good idea not to float that one Bedgie or people like Trader will eat you up.
by morell
Wed Oct 11, 2017 1:37 pm
 
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Re: The never ending No AFL in the SANFL whinge thread

Are the Power considering running a player through the magoos for only a half tomorrow, leaving them with 20 for the remainder of the match? I guess we'll wait and see.

A very Adelaide Crows tactic, this is where the SANFL should step in and tell them to piss off or play him in the ressies.

We would, but you blokes made the rules so that he can't.
by Booney
Tue Apr 24, 2018 11:28 am
 
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Re: AFL Runde sechs

My Friday forecast -

* Carlton to blow chances early for a fast start
* Curnow boys do all they can to get the Blues over the line
* I could be more interested in the Scotch Fillet on my bbq by half time
* The Bont with maximum votes
* Dogs by 32pts
* Attendance 33,232

Not one glass reference. GTFO.

SPK GLASS AND ALUMINIUM PTY LTD
ABN 88 1 33 741 232
by PatowalongaPirate
Fri Apr 27, 2018 4:56 pm
 
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Re: Restaurant & Pub Reviews

My wifes's way smarter than me but she's just f**king hopeless when it comes to choosing dinner.
If that was the case wouldn't you download the menu before you went to the restaurant and give her plenty of time to decide what she truly wants?

My missus has dietary requirements so I do that as a matter of course.

Can't she download it herself? It's basically keeping her on a leash and treating her as sub human. I'd never be so rude or disrespectful to download something for my wife of nearly 20 years. I don't see myself as superior to her or treat he like she's some sort of techno idiot.

Each to their own I guess.
by Booney
Wed Jun 13, 2018 3:22 pm
 
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Re: (Miscellaneous debris)

Yes, the tolerant left are so tolerant
by Jimmy_041
Thu Aug 16, 2018 10:35 am
 
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Re: 2018 Grand Final - Norwood v North Adelaide

Norwood 84’ was the only time mate, Port came from the Elim also in 98’ but finished minor round 4th
The side Port had for the minor round just managed enough to get them in to the finals, after that they had half an AFL side on the park.
Back in the days before they had a cap on such things, nor were they required to field top ups from Amateur league, yet they had been tanking their SANFL talent for years before the Power entered the AFL, and in those early days, half the Power's side were still Magpies' players.
I think it's probably best if we just forget Port's '98 fluke.
Norwood '84 was the real deal. "History Makers", as they said in the media.

Half an AFL side on the park? Fluke? Methinks your memory is ******.

Finished 4th, 3 games clear of 5th and 1 game behind West and Norwood in second and third.

AFL games in 1998 - Tom Carr played 2, Burgoyne 10, Chalmers 3, Fiegert 10, that's it!

Back then qualification for finals meant you had to play more at SANFL level than at AFL level.

Northeast Ambrose Poulton
Carter Leys Fiegert
Tregenza Borlase Ormond-Allen
Brown Chalmers P.Burgoyne
Beinke Hodges Steed

Jaques Morgan Bamford

Ashely Carr Obst

Full of AFL players.....sober up mate!
by Booney
Thu Sep 20, 2018 3:38 pm
 
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Re: Port Adelaide 2019

Lightning McQueen wrote:I think Garner and Marshall will work well together, I've been Holding out for that union, thought they may have chased Ambrose from the Bombers too.

Too bad Walsh went at No 1.
by Mr Beefy
Wed Dec 19, 2018 1:02 pm
 
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Re: Restaurant & Pub Reviews

Murray Bridge Club :

Stayed at Murray Bridge Tourist Park Friday and Saturday night for Sounds by the River in Mannum on Saturday. Driving up Friday I thought a XXXX Gold, maybe two on the way up, behave, go to the pub for dinner, another Gold or two and back to the Park to hit the contents of the esky.

Check in at the park and get told the Free Community Bus will pick us up, take us to the club and drop us back when we're ready. Look out esky!

Also get told to show our room key and we'll get 10% off the meals. Nice. Friends are with us so the 4 of us head off with Jeff the Community Bus driver, ripper bloke, 5 minute drive and we're there at 6pm. Walk in as Margaret "spins the wheel" and it's 40% off tap beer and base spirits for the next 30 minutes, onya Marg!

Two pales, two rose, "That'll be $17.90 thanks" :D "Here's $20, that'll do" - "Don't be silly" she says, "chuck these two 1's in the pokes and see how ya go!" Nothing, but not the point.

In the mean time Marg is booted off the wheel, Dennis spins up 30% off. Dennis, that's shit. Come on mate.

2 beef schnitzels, 1 chicken, I went the 300g rump, all came with big country cut chips, salad bar was good enough, 3 salads in the cold section, roast spuds, pumpkin and corn in the hot. With the 10% from the park discount, 2 more beers, 2 more rose and a grand total of $91.

Schnitzels had a cracking crumb, hanging off the plate, the rump was perfect medium, all the gravy's thick and full of flavor, chips on the side not under the schnitty. Chuck in 2 sheets of 5 tickets in the meat tray raffle and we've got 10 shots at winning 1 of the 8 meat trays.

Third spin and BANG Boon gets himself a meat tray. Go up and pick and nice one, few bits of BBQ steak, some patties, some snags, probably enough for 4 people so I track Margaret down ( I'm about 7 or 8 pints in now ) and tell her she deserves this for the 40% off spin earlier.

Oh dear. I get a sloppy one on the cheek, she runs her hand down my back far enough to get some arse cheek and gives me a hug. Marg was up for it and Mrs Boon reckons I should have gone for it. "Saves me doing it" She was several Rose in by now. :lol:

The MB Club :

Food - 9/10
Value - 10/10
Ambiance - 9/10 ( Members draw, Friday night! )
Patrons - Mildly randy

Not sure I'd live there but if I did I'd be a member at the MB Club and Mrs Boon reckons Margy would be trouble!
by Booney
Mon Jan 14, 2019 9:01 am
 
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Re: 2018/19 Australian Summer of cricket

Trader wrote:
Lightning McQueen wrote:
Lightning McQueen wrote:On a side note, Starc will get a 5fa.

Ahem


Well if we are allowed to pump up our own tyres...

Trader wrote:Paine 45



Of course you can, I waited 4 minutes and realized no one else was gonna do it for me.
by Lightning McQueen
Mon Feb 04, 2019 8:23 am
 
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Re: SA Footy 2019 AFL

Yep, 22 members :

22x20 = 440

Winner - $320 ( $300 as they don't need to pay up )
2nd - $120 ( $100 as they don't need to pay up )

Every one ok with that?

Any more join from here we add it 50/50 to the above totals.
by Booney
Fri Mar 22, 2019 11:29 am
 
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Re: Port Adelaide 2019



Btw I also support Cleveland Indians, Bradford city FC, Bradford Bulls, Chicago Bulls, Penrith and Mawson Lakes in Ammos if you like collecting crowd figures.

I’m Not exactly sure what that has got to do with worst crowd at Adelaide Oval for an AFL game ever but it’s a nice distraction I guess :-)


Btw SANFL salary cap $400k per team (apart from Norwood obviously) AFLs salary cap per team ?


It’s very unusual for anyone associated with W/Bulldogs to have a cry.

The AFLW Grand Final had 53K, their salary cap is smaller.
by Lightning McQueen
Tue May 21, 2019 9:24 am
 
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Re: AFL 2019 season

Trader wrote:I obviously haven't seen enough Geelong games this year, but is there seriously a cats player rocking that haircut?


In the girls team
by MW
Tue Aug 06, 2019 1:16 pm
 
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Re: SA Footy 2019 AFL

Trader wrote:....or donate it to a worthy cause.


@Trader

Given the sausage factory that is SA Footy and the stigma around men discussing their mental health with their mates I've donated $20 to Beyond Blue.

Amount: $ 20.00
Payment Method: Visa Credit Card
Date: 28/08/2019
Designation: General Fund
by Booney
Wed Aug 28, 2019 11:01 am
 
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Re: ATCA

I'm confused!
Batsman wanted water while batting, something about didn't want water from the shared container Lions provided and wanted one from the other side of the ground or something.. then blow up between the two batsmen I think over sharing the same water bottle?

Afghan lads, have been seeing the constant posts and updates surrounding coronavirus and the measures needed such as shaking hands and sharing bottles etc, they freaked out.
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcTuGTtmvOnk7gQL-mDQFVgqs7stfjr36w2qHPel1_c7imYwOmzA
by Lightning McQueen
Mon Mar 16, 2020 2:11 pm
 
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