Dear Ring of Fire,
any prolonged exposure to the staining agent Nasser Hussain is always going to result in an inflamed rectum. The prolonged hatred of this agent towards our species is toxic to all Australians and will result in an uncontrollable urge to defecate repeatedly. Interestingly enough, Dr Turdmore wrote of this effect in The Lancet . The disease you have been suffering from is Nasser Hashitmeitis. Please take three India v Australia One Dayers and see me in the morning.
Due to patient-doctor confidentiality, I am unable to disclose whether or not Mr Broad has his testicles tucked away, Peter Griffen like on his chin. However, you do not need to read the case notes to confirm the obvious.
regards,
Dr REB