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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

(This is where it gets scary !)

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each

month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?



Man:

Correct



Woman:

If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past

20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?



Man:

Correct



Woman:

Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have

been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting



for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a

Ferrari?



Man:

Do you drink beer?



Woman:

No


Man:

Where’s your Ferrari....?
by locky801
Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:48 am
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

DAUGHTER:> Mom I am pregnant !!!> >

MOTHER:> Didn't I tell you that when a boy touches your "boobs" to say DON'T and when he touches your "vagina" to say STOP ???> >

DAUGHTER:> I know mom but he was touching both so I kept saying DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP

:D
by locky801
Tue Oct 22, 2013 7:21 am
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

George went on a vacation with his family and his mother-in-law to Jerusalem. Sadly, during their vacation, George's Mother-in-law died.
With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial. The Consul told George that sending the body back to the United States for burial was very expensive. It could cost him $10,000. The Consul told him, "In most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem . This costs just $150."
George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do."
The Consul says, "You must have loved your Mother-in-law very much, considering the enormous cost."
"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a man that was buried here in Jerusalem . On the third day he arose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.
by locky801
Tue Oct 22, 2013 4:35 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous.

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.
The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached the side of his car.
It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence....'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?'
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said:
'A pumpkin? Shit ... Is it midnight already?'
The court (and the judge) could not contain their mirth.
by locky801
Tue Oct 29, 2013 11:45 am
 
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Re: Ashes First Test Live Discussion

Aust 0/65

Warner 45 (55)

Rogers 15 (77)

Lead by 224

Great day for the Australians today.

Looking back after the excitement of what happened in that 2nd session and watching the highlights, we bowled some brutal balls, especially MJ,
think England would be sitting right back on their heels right now. Good to see Lyon pick up a couple as well.

Game, hopefully series on :D
by locky801
Fri Nov 22, 2013 6:05 pm
 
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Re: Ashes First Test Live Discussion

Great win by the Aussies, bowlers did a superb job in both innings.

Lets get our top order worked out right and get rid of the porridge.

MItchell Johnson, one test doesnt equate to a series but you were awesome this test, needs to now follow it up
by locky801
Sun Nov 24, 2013 6:17 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

Subject: Frozen Crabs, A Lawyer And

A Blonde Stewardess !

A lawyer boarded a flight in Halifax with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.


He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.



Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in Toronto , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in Halifax please raise your hand?"



Not one hand went up ...... So she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.


2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.
by locky801
Mon Nov 25, 2013 3:45 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells:

"You stay out of this! ........I'm talking to that little shit on your lap."
by locky801
Tue Nov 26, 2013 3:43 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

20 Things you can only say at Christmas:

1: I prefer breasts to legs.

2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3: Smother the butter all over the
breasts.

4: If I don't undo my trousers, I'll
burst!

5: I've never seen a better spread!

6: I fancy a little dark meat for a change.

7: Are you ready for seconds yet?

8: It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9: Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10: Don't play with your meat!

11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

12: Do you think you'll be able to
handle all these people at once?

13: I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!

14: You still have a little bit on your chin.

15: How long will it take after you
put it in.

16: You'll know it's ready when it
pops up

17: Just pull the end and wait for the bang.

18: That's the biggest bird I've ever had!

19: I've been gobbling nuts all morning

20: Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more.
by locky801
Wed Nov 27, 2013 5:07 pm
 
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Re: SA vs Vic - Sheffield Shield

Fingers crossed we dont blow this
by locky801
Sat Nov 30, 2013 7:06 pm
 
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Re: SACA apply to CA

Send the Stones to Footy Park, makes a lot more sense, not as though it's being used
by locky801
Mon Dec 02, 2013 6:40 pm
 
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Re: Ashes 2nd Test Adelaide Discussion

1/13 Cook knocked over by Johnno huge wicket
by locky801
Fri Dec 06, 2013 5:05 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

RETIREMENT BONUS..........


The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.


The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,
'From the tip of my willie to my testicles.'


It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two Officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,'which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed,
''Where are your testicles?''
The old Chief calmly replied, '' Vietnam''
by locky801
Fri Dec 13, 2013 9:04 am
 
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Re: Ashes 3rd Test Perth Discussion

LBT wrote:Poms will make a big one on this wicket... We're gonna rue the poor batting yesterday.


Not poor batting just some players in our lineup are not up to Test standard
by locky801
Sat Dec 14, 2013 4:47 pm
 
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Re: Ashes 3rd Test Perth Discussion

Roots stuffed up, great catch Haddin
by locky801
Mon Dec 16, 2013 5:15 pm
 
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Re: Ashes 3rd Test Perth Discussion

Huge wicket, Lyon gets KP with a great catch from Harris in the outfield
by locky801
Mon Dec 16, 2013 6:23 pm
 
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Re: Ashes 3rd Test Perth Discussion

No swing whatsoever now, perhaps time to give Smith or Warner an over before lunch for something different
by locky801
Tue Dec 17, 2013 2:49 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

Four guys were playing their weekly game of golf, one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority; figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off of."

The second guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

The third guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.


"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game.

I slapped my wife on the bum and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning -- intercourse or golfcourse --'

She said, "Don't forget your hat."
by locky801
Sat Dec 21, 2013 7:21 am
 
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Re: Favourite Australian XI for each decade of your life...

Wow this will take some thinking, like i have been around since the 50's ;)
by locky801
Sun Dec 22, 2013 4:33 pm
 
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Re: Ashes 4th test Boxing Day - Melbourne Discussion

a clean catch inside the rope should be out, so what if u then go over
by locky801
Thu Dec 26, 2013 2:41 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

A young Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, "I'm pregnant."
He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"
She said, "I think it must have been the second coming."
The priest, shocked by this reply, asked, "What makes you think this has anything to do with the Second Coming?"
She replied, "Because I swallowed the first one!!"
by locky801
Sat Jan 18, 2014 8:01 am
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

I bought my daughter an iPAD.
I bought my son an iPOD.
I bought myself an iPHONE.
And I bought my wife an iRON.
She wasn't impressed with the iRON ? even after I explained that it can be integrated with the iWASH, iCOOK, and iCLEAN network. ??
This triggered the iNAG service which I couldn't turn off and I later found out that it completely wiped out the iSHAG function!
by locky801
Sun Jan 19, 2014 8:21 am
 
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Re: SA v QLD SS 12 FEB

stampy wrote:funny game cricket


probably why we all love it so much ;)
by locky801
Sat Feb 15, 2014 5:58 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis.
His doctor tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a cup of cold milk.
Later, his blonde girlfriend comes home and finds him with his penis in a cup of cold milk.

'Good heavens', she remarks, 'I always wondered how you guys re-loaded those things!' :D
by locky801
Tue Feb 18, 2014 5:57 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle.

His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother

just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.'

The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked,

'Son, where are you going?'

Little Johnny told him, 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom

you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be

damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no f cking bike.
by locky801
Thu Feb 20, 2014 10:59 am
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.


The first surgeon, from Toronto , says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."



The second, from Montreal, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is
color coded."


The third surgeon, from Saskatoon , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."


The fourth surgeon, from Vancouver chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'


But the fifth surgeon, from Ottawa , shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.’
by locky801
Tue Jan 28, 2014 2:58 pm
 
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Re: Test Squad for South African Tour - predictions & discus

The Lyon talk is interesting, we all know finger spinners dont turn the ball as much as a leggie.

I actually think that Lyon compliments our pace attack beautifully.

Havent looked at his ratio of wickets but obviously he gets more in the 1st Innings than the 2nd

That in itself says alot of his quality bowling on pretty good batting strips and yes obviously getting wickets when attacking shots are played.

Wasn't that long ago he picked up 5 wickets in the 2nd Innings at the MCG though.

Plus you get just a bit more with Lyon, he is a half reasonable bat and if anyone can tell me who the last spin bowler to take 3 catches at leg slip in 5 tests i will happily supply you with a carton of crown lager ;)
by locky801
Thu Mar 06, 2014 6:13 pm
 
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Re: Song Tag

One Summer - Darryl Braithwaite
by locky801
Mon Mar 10, 2014 12:57 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

Defence Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defence Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm
Spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch
And sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney:
Did you know him?

Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defence Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died
Some 30 years ago.

Defence Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
He began to rub all over of my body.

Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defence Attorney:
Why not?

Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited.
I haven't felt that good in years!

Defence Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down
And told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now! '

Defence Attorney:
Did he take you?

Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!"
And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.
by locky801
Sun Mar 30, 2014 8:27 am
 
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Re: Rnd 1 - North v Adelaide @ Prospect (Sun 6/4)

SDK wrote:I honestly believe the Roosters will win by 12 to 15 goals !


Can only hope, but dream on
by locky801
Fri Apr 04, 2014 7:56 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches an attractive woman sitting by herself and asks,
"May I buy you a cocktail?"

"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."

"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

"No, they spread."
by locky801
Thu Apr 10, 2014 3:05 pm
 
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Re: Rnd 3 Post Match - Eagles v Power

luketorrens wrote:Very disappointing. As much as I hate the fact that the AFL are in the SANFL, the SANFL wouldn't have lasted much longer without them.



CRAP
by locky801
Mon Apr 21, 2014 7:18 pm
 
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Re: SAAFL Division 3 2014

Amateur League have to now step in, this is a lose lose situation for everyone concerned, the sides playing Kilburn are getting nothing apart from % out of games. I hate to see sides with so much history go under but this has to be addressed.

As for the comments re a Aldinga Sharks/Kilburn game prior to an AFL game, totally disagree with it, put some Div 1 sides on show so the public can see that there is decent footy being played out there
by locky801
Sat Apr 26, 2014 7:18 pm
 
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Re: SAAFL Division 2 2014

Great day at Broadies today, 3 wins from our sides.

In the A grade, Broadies got away well but Walkies piled on the pressure and fought back well to take the lead late in the 3rd.

Few moves made by the Weed, steadied the ship and Broadies came away with the points.

Walkies are way better than zip and 3, their forward line pressure in the 2nd and 3rd 1/4 was unreal and that got them right back in the game.

Also what a great crowd, apart from hosting a G/F last year i cannot remember a crowd that big at Broadview in the last 5 to 6 years

Estimate of crowd number??


Hard to estimate the crowd but were 4 deep on the western mound and large groups all around the outer side, know the BBQ etc had sold out prior to half time, my guess would be between 1200-1500 but in saying that i am not the best judge on crowd numbers
by locky801
Sat Apr 26, 2014 7:03 am
 
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Re: ANZAC DAY ROUND 6 - live scores, results & chit chat.

Only saw the last 1/4, Rory Sloane sensational, kicked and set up goals, did heaps of 1 percenters, this guy is unreal
by locky801
Sun Apr 27, 2014 5:11 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING.

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...this happened in Ipswich, Qld
IDIOT SIGHTING.

I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbour call the local council P & W office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
Story from Collingwood, Melbourne.

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.

My daughter went to a Mexican takeaway and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Bankstown, Sydney.....

IDIOT SIGHTING.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
This happened in Elizabeth S.A.

IDIOT SIGHTING.

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee in ATO Newcastle NSW AU.

IDIOT SIGHTING.

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
by locky801
Wed Apr 23, 2014 9:49 am
 
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Re: Junior Football

Been pretty happy with the umps this year, so far, apart from watching my lad playing in U 14's, watched an U12 game last weekend which had a young lad in a green shirt umpring obviously working with a mentor, very impressed with the lad, communicated well with the lads playing, explaining decisions etc, which i thought he got most right, actually thought he did a better job than the other guy ;)
by locky801
Thu May 22, 2014 9:03 pm
 
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Re: Round 12 LIVE scores

Eddy 6.2

North 6.2
by locky801
Sat Jul 05, 2014 5:17 pm
 
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Re: Round 13 - LIVE SCORES

Roosters get over the line by by 4 points
by locky801
Sat Jul 12, 2014 5:41 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

The Man Rules



At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side These are our rules!


Please note.. these are ‘all numbered ‘1’ ON PURPOSE!


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us..

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we...

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings..
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear..

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...REALLY.

1.. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor cycles.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight..But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping...

Pass this to as many men as you can -to give them a laugh...

Pass this to as many women as you can -to give them a bigger laugh, because its true!
by locky801
Fri Jul 18, 2014 6:26 am
 
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Re: Double header at Adelaide oval

Should go the whole hog and have 4 games there on a particular day starting around 11.30am and last game starting around 7.30pm, reckon it would be a huge winner, all 8 SANFL Clubs playing there on a particular day
by locky801
Fri Jul 25, 2014 8:22 pm
 
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Re: Junior Football

Time of our game didn't have an issue with the players.

May not have won the game but U14 Red 2nd semi final, a cracker of a game, number of persons involved in footy saying one of the best games of Junior Footy they have seen in years.

well done to PNU and Broadview, lets hope we get a chance to reverse the result in the G/F

And to he Umps, fantastic, especially the one that lost he pea and yelled it out, then i said i wanted a pee and he kindly directed me to where the toilets were, a classic moment
by locky801
Sun Aug 31, 2014 7:54 pm
 
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Re: Pakis v Aussies

whufc wrote:What injury does James Pattinson have at the moment?

Would be in my best 11 if fit


strained heart muscle
by locky801
Wed Oct 22, 2014 7:37 pm
 
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Re: SA vs My Foot Dr Bulls

Fantastic win by the Backers, re sign chuck FFS
by locky801
Mon Nov 03, 2014 4:00 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

A Priest and a Rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.

After a while, the Priest turned to the Rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you do not eat pork?

The Rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws.

"The Priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the Rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a bacon sandwich.

"The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The Priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.

"The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

The Priest replied, "Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my faith."

The Rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for a moment...

Finally, the Rabbi said, "Beats the shit out of a bacon sandwich, doesn't it?"
by locky801
Sun Nov 09, 2014 4:36 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

WHAT CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY



Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left..

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . ...

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood
by locky801
Wed Nov 12, 2014 9:07 am
 
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Re: Australia v Saffers - One day Series

carey wrote:These wanker commentators and the man love for Spudwell nearly makes me throw up.


Has to be Brayshaws love child could not shut his mouth about him
by locky801
Fri Nov 14, 2014 6:22 pm
 
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Re: Australia v Saffers - One day Series

Rik E Boy wrote:
Q. wrote:I reckon she's pretty good. Better than **** like Healy and that fake tan Pom.


Healy is bad but it's Brayshaw that annoys me.

REGARDS,

REB


Brayshaw has to go, thinks he knows everything
by locky801
Fri Nov 21, 2014 7:05 pm
 
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Re: Phil Hughes badly injured

Amazing following on Twitter. International cricketers from all teams speaking their thoughts both past and present.

What have been there thoughts??

I could see this as a really unfortunate very rare incident

Yes whufc a tragic accident, to be honest havent been game enough to watch it but some are saying he got hit in the jugular vein and others in the heart, either way very nasty. Also thoughts to shaun abbott that delievered the ball, one could not imagine what he is feeling and going through right now
by locky801
Tue Nov 25, 2014 5:14 pm
 
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Re: BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

Im Fine.................
.
.A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.
'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.
Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da...
'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'
Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road...'
The solicitor interrupted again and said,'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.
Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded.'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?
'Now wot da foock would you say?
by locky801
Tue Dec 02, 2014 10:56 am
 
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