The Dark Knight wrote:
188 to win for Australia

means all we have to do is have each of our 11 batters score 17.09 runs each and we win

whufc wrote:Mitch Marsh going home with a injured shoulder lol

Fancy word for being dropped

Must never play test cricket again

whufc wrote:What's more frustrating is an all rounder spot becomes available and Head fails while Wildermuth stars, Henriques hits a 50 and Stoinis takes 2 for and 46

I'm as close to a test side call up as Head

Port 16.14 110

North 4.5 29

Full time .

THE BIG SHOW

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight', the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."
"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.
"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

Who will lose a wicket first, Victoria or India

RB wrote:Apparently Shaun Marsh has a back issue.

More like a ******* heart issue

Grenville wrote:265 more and we're a chance here.

i got more chance of drinking 265 beers this coming month than they have of a lead of that much

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.


Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

Wedgie wrote:3 upsets so far.
South winning easily, Glenelg winning easily and North close to Norwood.
Normal transmission will resume soon.

SANFL can stick their McDonalds adds

another grub wrote:What the crowds like?

looks like 3 to 4k at the Parade

Teacher; "Can anyone give me a sentence with the word 'pistol' in it?"

Sophie;... "My daddy is a soldier, he has a suit of blue, he has a sword, a bayonet and he has a pistol too."

Teacher; "Very good Sophie."

Johnny;...... "Miss, my father isn't a soldier, he doesn't have a suit of blue, he draws his dole at half past nine, then he's on the piss'till two."

Q: Why don't rabbits make any noise while they're making love?

A: They have cotton balls! Smile

Happy Easter everyone!

1992: Sydney go 0-6 after a mid-season bye, sixth loss comes on the same day St Kilda beat Hawthorn 130-55

2017: Sydney go 0-6 to start the season, sixth loss comes on the same day St Kilda beat Hawthorn 130-55

bit freaky

New name same problem, website crashes under pressure

A woman goes to the hospital.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Tully in FNQ, in my Vagina.
"The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said:"Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the stickers off the bananas."

NO OFFAL IN THE SANFUL! (IT'S AN ACRONYM NOT A WORD.) :-Q


There's a 400 page thread dedicated to this. Can we please keep this in there so we can have conversations about the games. I get it, it's been 4 years and you will still be bitter in 40 years. I'm still filthy Scott and Chalene left Ramsay street but I don't throw the toys out the cot every time Neighbours comes on.

OK gotta go I'm off to catch my flight on the Queensland and Northern Territory Airline Service.....What's that you say?
Q.A.N.T.A.S.....Still don't know whatim talking about
Qantas

Yes names, logos and identities evolve over time.

It started in 1990 when a SA team entered the AFL and change has occurred.

Personally I have no issue with people wanting the AFL Reserves out but we finally have a few threads that don't get hijacked by the anti establishments. It would be great if that could continue and posts like yours above could not infect football or game related threads.


GREAT POST, I to still cry of Charlene and Scott plus Bobby dying in Home and Away

Geez feel for Westies here, time the SANFL woke up

A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.



Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him. He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse!"



A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.



As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted, "Mickey Mouse"



'I'm sorry" he said, "I meant to shout "Donald, duck!"

THE HYPNOTIST AT THE SENIOR HOME:



It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center. After the community sing along led

by Francoise at the piano, it was time for the star of the show - "L​arry the Hypnotist".



​L​arry explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Each and every

one of you and all at the same time." he said.



The excited chatter dropped to silence as ​L​arry carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket

a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.



"I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" he said, holding the watch high for all to see.



"It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations" said

​L​arry.



He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch

--- Watch the watch ----Watch the watch“.



The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth. The lights were

twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.



A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movement of the gently swaying watch. They

were hypnotized.



Then, suddenly, the chain broke!



The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact!



"SHIT!" said​ L​arry.



It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens' Center, and L​arry was never invited again...

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great gutsy win yesterday over an opposition that never gave up
A win at last and off the snide and we won't be the first side since Gepps Cross in 2015 not to win a game in A2/D2

I Wanna be a Broadview Tiger!!!!


Congrats mate and good luck in Div 3 next year

Not quite there yet, Saturday may have flicked the switch a bit, couple of new players had an influence which became contagious, never write off an injured fighting tiger ;)

A young man moved out from home, into a new apartment. All of his own, he went down to lobby

to put his name on his new mailbox. While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment

next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started

up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open and it was obvious that she had

nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment. I hear

someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaning against it,

allowing her robe to fall completely off. Nude, she purred at him... "What would you say is my best

feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."

Astounded and a little hurt she exclaimed, "My ears!" "Look at these breasts! They are a full

38 inches and 100% natural! I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid! I have a 28 inch

waist! Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere! How can you think the best part of me are my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered... "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming . . . that

was me."

How cold was it this morning? I had to use my K-Mart discount card to scrape the ice off my windscreen! Didn't work though, only got 10% off..

League 1/2 time

Central 4.5

North 4.5

Invisible touch - Genesis

Bighead Kohli gone for a quacker

India 3/11

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell
down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After
Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad
ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I
misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that
McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church
every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during
Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I
was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal
McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the Ten
Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's
hat after all !

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and
said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided
you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell ?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked
about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where
I left me hat."

Business was terrible and not picking up. I had to fire somebody, and I narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.

It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.

Rather than flip a coin, I decided I would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

I approached her and said, "Debra, I’ve never done this before but I have to either lay you or Jack off.”

"Could you jack off for now?" she says. "I feel like shit. If you can wait, you can lay me at lunchtime."
......

I had to let Jack go.

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender says, 'Sorry we don't serve food here".

Jim05 wrote:Suck it you frauds!
Poetic justice that Scummerton finishes his Port days losing a GF by a point

and heads to Sturt i hear

Big win for the Backers. 5 wickets to Mennie

Big win by the aussies overnight, knocking India over for around 120. Got the target with 2 down with Moses and Travis getting amongst the runs.

Live - The River

Andrew Bruce!!!!! Was the midfield coach this year. Has a good background in the SANFL. Would be a very good League Coach if given the opportunity. Both his sons Henry and William are at South aswell.


Great fella is Andy, used to work with him, very passionate and knowledgable guy when it comes to footy

Gavin Colville the new coach at the blood & tars

Suicide Blonde - INXS

When I turned 70....I thought my life was over but then I discovered how great it is to be 70

I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kind'a cute. You gotta phone number?"


I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but, when you're seventy...............who cares?


**********
I went to the drug store and told told clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."


Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

I said "Nah... She's pretty good lookin'....."

When you're seventy...............who cares?

***********

I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."


I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

Cost me a fat lip, but... when you're seventy...............who cares?

**********

I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the nuts, but... when you're seventy...............who cares?

***********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you're seventy...............who cares?

***********
I went to the bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but... when you're seventy...............who cares? ??

A bloke brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30, after enjoying a day of golf.
His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a $#@%^& mess and the dishes are still in the sink.
I’m completely exhausted! I didn’t get enough sleep last night. Can't you see I'm still in my &^%$# pyjamas?
I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the $#@! did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid $#@!%^?
"He answers: "Because ... he’s thinking of getting married!

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift..

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

________________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_______________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting
to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she
thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

______________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at
the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.

Sad to hear ROCS bar etc guttered by fire overnight, hope the authorities catch the scum responsible

And to think there were nuffies on here suggesting that we should've gone with 4 Quick's and left Lyon out.

I'm not sure there to many, if any pitches you don't take a spinner into a game these days

maybe adelaide? I reckon Lyon still plays given we don’t have a 5th bowler but I can see them thinking about it

Lyon 100% unquestionable has to play with no genuine fifth bowling option, throw in the fact Zampa has taken a heap of wickets in the most recent game there

worries me that Mark Waugh is carrying on about Mitch Marsh coming back in

Young Years - Dragon

RustyCage wrote:I have to say, I wasn't a fan of either SMarsh or Paine being selected, but they've done what they've needed to do

dont think you will an orphan there

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at buying a horse.

His buddy asks, 'How will I recognize him?

'That's easy; he's a dwarf with a speech impediment.'

So,the dwarf shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

'A female horth.'

So he shows him a prized filly.

'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?'

So the guy picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?'

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

'Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?'

The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again
and shows him the horse's mouth.

'Nice mouf, can I see her twat?'

Totally mad at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the dwarf's
head up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.

'Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?'

Havent been overly impressed with Hazelwood in the 3 innings he has bowled this series, got a couple of easy wickets in Brisbane but bowling the wrong line alot.

These two at the crease look more than comfy against him, time for some real dance music

Spare me the Details - Off spring

bad spelling