How hard was Smith hitting the ball, great to watch and some great humour from Ian Gould the umpire
In my opinion at the point in time. You'd have to say that Steve Smith is the most consistent batsman in the lineup atm. Very talented batsman and he will be representing Australia for a very long time. Even could be the next captain. What do you all think?

Agree, his the next long term Australian test captain

Certainly is on top of his game in all three forms right now, hopefully he continues. What makes him so dangerous is he is unpredicable, those baseball hits down the ground and full tilt followed by delicate shots off the middle of the bat to the 3rd man boundary.

Have to laugh in a sense that many many on here including myself stated a couple of years ago how hopeless he was and should not be selected. He obviously read what was on here and has addressed those issues ;) and I still rate him as a shock bowler, bowls a pretty good ball

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah... She's pretty good lookin'....."
When you are over sixty-five who gives a shit............

***********


This arsehole looked at my beer belly last night and

sarcastically said, "Is that VB or Tooheys?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."
When you are over sixty-five who gives a shit?

***********


I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,

"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your

hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over

there instead of you."
When you are over sixty-five who gives a shit?

***********


I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess

what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose

patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
When you are over sixty-five who gives a shit?

***********


I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you are over sixty-five who gives a shit?

***********


I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing

on a table. I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed

by now."

When you are over sixty-five who gives a shit?

No review system in this series as usual with playing India, i have no problem with that however can someone explain when then a wicket falls we go to the 3rd umpire to make sure it is not a no ball. Its either everything or nothing IMHO, cant have it both ways surely

FFS India, you dont want the DRS, if a decision doesnt go your way get on with the bloody game. LAst one a joke Smith 5 paces down the pitch and they appeal

After Lyon's 5 wicket haul and he did bowl very well be interesting to see how he bowls tomorrow. Been alot said in recent times that when the conditions suits he doesnt do the job in the 2nd Innings, be very interested to watch tomorrow and see what he does

Indians moving along nicely, fair to say Aussies need a couple of quick wickets here

bennymacca wrote:Just reported that Clarke has gone to hospital for scans.

Reckon that will be him done for the series and possibly the World Cup

Much as I hate to say it but for his well being and future perhaps he should retire, is obviously not going to get any better unless some miracle cure comes along

A balding, white haired man from Surfers Paradise, walked into a
jewellery store in Brisbane last Friday evening with a beautiful,
but much younger blond at his side.
He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $30,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $50,000 the jeweller said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
'by cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque is good,
so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the
funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweller angrily phoned the old man and said
'There's no money in that account.'
'I know,' said the old man,
'But let me tell you about my great weekend!

Has had a debut captain day of horrors and no fault of his own, dropped catches, injuries, can only get better from here

Showed alot of class today

Watson has to go end of story and i reckon if they get Smith quickly the Indians are in with a "big show"

mal wrote:East Coast Smith dropped
On 9 runs
Whats that about 3 or 4 times he has been dropped this series ?

The fieldsman was Kohli

Rogers 47 off 47 balls

2/75

Kohli probably too tired after it took him 1/2 hour to walk off after getting his castle knocked over

What are the Indians whinging to the umpires about now, just get on with the game. That Kholi is a tool

Lets hope we knock a few over tonight

RustyCage wrote:Missing off?

Yep but who cares they refuse the drs they suffer

Haddin one at the start of the day one at the end of the day

whufc wrote:

wristwatcher wrote:

whufc wrote:Lyon with another shocker

Terrible, potentially just fumbled a test win

Normally has great hands especially in the outfield

took some blinders at leg slip last year against England

No surprise to hear the Indians get looked after with their dietary requirements while on tour compared to what they provide at home

Wankers!!

Didnt they whinge at the last test about crap food, then again what dont they whinge about

Yeah but at least they were getting food they are use to

They serve nothing but their traditional food to other countries in India

We are far too kind to these bastards

Every cricketing nation is, until all nations stand up to them they will get what they want, they say if u do this or that we wont tour, well bugga off then and then you wont play Test Cricket

Well if we had held catches, made the run outs, who knows the result may have been different.

would have liked to seen Smith declare last night but albeit he didn't, again hypothetical if we would have won.

Cant say anything against Smith, has jumped into the role as Captain and has done a good job.

Australia need to come up with a plan re Kohli though, seems to me they just bowl and rely on him making a mistake, in saying that he seems pretty much the complete player.

Overall so far we have been lucky we have a tail that can bat and score runs in partnerships and the opposition has no tail whatsoever, not forgetting the job that Warner,Smith have done. Also as much as it hurts to say was very impressed with S Marsh in the 2nd innings here.

Great to have a series win, have enjoyed the banter on here this test, i will probably be saving you all the pain of not posting in the final test.

Well done Aussies oi oi oi

No way we're they going to win.

Thats what alot said a number of seasons ago and then Clarke got 3 wickets in an over, from memory same opposition.

Still look and take some positives, Rogers continues to get runs but needs to go on, Smith, nothing needs to be said, S. Marsh showed some class in the 2nd dig, would give the new fella another test at 3 and drop Watson to 6, our tail continues to wag and has probably won us the series.

Bowlers: Harris, how good is this guy, hopefully someone saved the DNA, Johnson, down on pace but thought he bowled very well today, he actually needs to forget about Kohli and just bowl, i think Kohli actually intimidates him, Hazelwood, learning and needs to stay, Lyon, didn't see him bowl alot this test due to work but most say he wasnt good, Watson, really like to see him bat 6 and bowl more.

Fielding: Terrible, missed catches, some very easy, missed runouts. one in particular very easy, noticed the fielding was bought up in the commentary with Clarke after the Indian 1st Innings, he was happy with Blewett, I'm not so sure, reckon they have dropped 20 to 30%

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating”.
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word “fascinate, not fascinating”.

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated”.
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate”.

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

Certainly eased off, depends how much the next lot dumps i guess, again BOM get it wrong 20 to 40 and we may get 2

Related by A True Aussie Male

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "VIC BITTER" cheap at the local Bottle Shop.





I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home.

I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous sheila in a short skirt

was filling up her car at the next pump.




She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window,

and said in a sexy voice,

"I'm a big believer in Barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"
.
.
.

I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane..

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Pepper."

Prince Charles was driving around his mother's estate when he accidentally ran over her favorite dog, a Corgi, crushing it to a pulp.


He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distraught.

The whole world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic.


Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, polished it and immediately a Genie appeared. "You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment, " said the Genie" As a reward I shall grant you one wish."

"Well, " said the Prince, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this dog."

They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog. "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me..?" the Prince asked.

The Genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his head. "This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Is there something else you would like..?"

The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos.

"I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana, " said Prince Charles, showing

the genie the first photo. "But now I love this woman called Camilla, " and he showed

the genie the second photo. "You see Camilla isn't beautiful at all, so do you think

you can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana..?"

The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said,


"Let's have another look at that dog".

Time for George to stand up

well done the Irish

Zampa 4th day hero

As men age, we start seeing more of the medical world, which nowadays seems to include an increasing number of women as our physicians and therapists. And in my case, a new urologist.



My family doctor recently referred me to a just-out-of-medical-school female urologist.


I saw her yesterday, and she's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous as well as unbelievably sexy.



She told me that I must stop masturbating.



I asked her why.



She said, "Because I'm trying to examine you..."

A school teacher asked her students to make a sentence containing the expression “I presume”.
One little girl held up her hand and said: “Yesterday my mother hand washed the dinner dishes and I presumed that the dishwasher was broken.”
“Very good” said the teacher.
Another one said: “This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage. I presume that the BMW wouldn't start.”
“That’s excellent” says the teacher.
Little Johnny at the back of the classroom gets up and says: “Yesterday I saw grandpa leave the house with a newspaper under his arm and headed for the bush, I presume that.......
”The teacher interrupted him and said, “I stopped you because you have no idea what your grandfather was going to do, so you can’t presume anything.
”Johnny says, “Please Teacher, let me finish my sentence.”
The teacher says, “Very well. Continue.”
“As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the bush with a newspaper under his arm. I presume he was going for a shit because he can’t read.”

Believe Jason Gillespie has the job if he doesnt get the England job

What deep thinkers we men are...

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'.

The reason I said that instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'.

At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would then lead to other questions.

Finally, I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I arrived at the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is clearly more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know,

I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.



Time for another beer.

Blonde and her Jaguar



Carolyn, a very rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sports car.

She drives the car perfectly well during the day,

but at night, the car just won't go at all.

After trying to drive the car at night for a

week (but without any luck), she furiously

calls the Jaguar dealer, and they send out a

technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds

nothing wrong with it.


So he turns to the blonde and asks:

"Ma'am, are you sure you are using the

right gears?"

Full of anger, the blonde replies:

"You idiot, how on earth could you ask

such a question? I'm not stupid you know!

Of course I am using the right gears;



I use "D" during the day



and "N" at night."

I once knew a dental nurse who loved giving blow jobs and smoking weed.

She was known as Oral High Jean.



Just had a parcel from Holland, when I opened it, it was a rubber fanny.

That’s nice I thought, 'Two lips from Amsterdam!'




My dad worked on the roadworks for twenty years before he got fired for stealing!

At first I didn’t believe it .... but when I got home all the signs were there.




A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer.

I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick



My girlfriend says that a small penis won't affect our relationship.

Whether she's right or not, I'd prefer it if she didn't have one at all!

A lady walks into Harrods.
She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously
to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises
in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well.
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities
one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.
He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?
Blushing and uncomfortable,
but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks,
'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'
He answers,
"Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!"

Jennifer, a manager at a local Kmart store, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified.
Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked,
'What is the fastest thing you know of?
'The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no
warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer. 'And, now you sir?', she asked the
second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it
ever happened.
A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.
''Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular
cliché for speed.
'She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's property, you step out of the house and on the wall
there's a light switch.
When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn
comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man.
'It's hard to beat the speed of light, 'she said.
Turning to Wally, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question. Old Wally replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHOEA.
''WHAT !?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said Wally. 'You see, the other day I had a rotten pain in the
guts, so I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or
TURN ON THE F+*%‪#‎IN‬ LIGHT, I shit meself!!
'Wally is now working at a Kmart near you!

IRISHMAN'S FIRST DRINK WITH HIS SON


While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.

Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.

I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.

Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.

Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. I drank it.

I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's, nope!

In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast,Ireland's finest. He wouldn't even smell it.

What could I do but drink it!

By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so sh#t-faced I could hardly push his pram back Home.

Wonder how that affects me, i work from my car 80% of the time and have the radio on all the time

wife

One Summer - Darryl Braithwaite

A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings.


She picks up, the man looks over at her and listens.

She is speaking in a cheery voice.

"Hi, I'm so glad you called.........

....................... Really?.

That's wonderful......

I'm so happy for you.....

That sounds terrific......

Great!......

Thanks......

Okay......

Byeeeeeeee".

She hangs up, and the man asks, "Who was that?".

"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me about the great
time he's having on his golf trip with you".

5000 MEN WERE SURVEYED AS TO WHY THEY LIKE TO RECEIVE ORAL SEX.



1% LIKED THE WARMTH,

2% LIKED THE SENSATION,

3% LIKED THE EROTICISM,

94% JUST LIKED THE PEACE & QUIET.

Onion skin - Boom Crash Opera

Subject: FW: 6 smart-arsed answers



SMART ARSE ANSWER 6
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
"What are my choices?" the man asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.


SMART ARSE ANSWER 5
A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Woolworths store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these chickens get any bigger?"
The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."

SMART ARSE ANSWER 4
The policeman got out of his car and the Teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window
"I've been waiting for you all day," the Cop said
The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could."
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ARSE ANSWER 3
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read " Low Bridge Ahead"
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it..
Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"
The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!"

SMART ARSE ANSWER 2
A teacher at West Australian University reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam..
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."



SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR
Telephone rings, woman answers.
Pervert, breathing heavily, says,
"I bet you have a tight arse with no hair?"
Woman replies, "Yes, I have. He's watching the rugby....
Who shall I say is calling?"

He made a good 62 overnight out of 2/220 Dec.

Windies in early trouble at 2/1

Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane
to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot
said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us
take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off.
However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power,
The little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only Paddy and Mick survived the
crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we
are?"

Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Final score

Nwd 8.10
CD 12.10

Glg 12.6
Sturt 11.7

Nwd 7.9
CD 10.8 Centurion would be getting excited

WWT 13.3
WA 6.11

It will all come out in due course (the mental health issues if any)

Alot of presumptions being made which happens in situations such as this.

I will keep my thoughts on the matter private but looking at the facts as presented to this moment there appears to be something that has not happened "just on the spur of the moment"

CENTURION wrote:

mal wrote:Its been dry most weekends this season
Has West played on any rain affected ovals this season ?
If so how did they perform ?

Forecast is for showers on Saturday

showers??

yeah showers of snow