BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[Squawk]

Because it's the blokes that generally invent the jokes??

CP - the first para is a true story. The second para is my analogy.

My point is that it amazes me that chicks don't seem to always be surprised to be told they need to be internally examined for a problem that is clearly un-related to the nether nether regions!

If the same thing happened to a bloke courtesy of a gay medical practitioner, a bloke would immediately ask questions as to why his vegemite valley needed to be inspected when he had a problem with his toenail!!!

[GWW]

HE WAS ONE OF THE BEST COMEDIANS

Rodney Dangerfield's 21 best

Brilliant, hilarious, funny bone stuff 11/10.

[GWW]

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a
sheep, you idiot."

The man says: " I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

[Squawk]

Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?

Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin....

[Jimmy]

JIMMY EXPLAIN YOUR HELEN KELLER JOKE thanks.

Mal oh Mal

you just added a new joke to the jokes!

Helen Keller was deaf, dumb and blind.

cheers squawk...oh mal

[mal]

JIMMY....KELLER......7-2
GWW..PIG/SHEEP...7-8
SQUAWK...JESUS....7-1

Still reckon the PUnK ROOSTER Carlton/Collingwood joke is the best.

[Leaping Lindner]

This one was told to me many years ago by a woman I use to work with. It's an oldie but still pretty funny.

What's red and got seven dents in it?

Snow White's hymen.

[Squawk]

What's the difference between "having guts" and "having balls"?

GUTS -is arriving home late after a night out with the boys,being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:"Are you still cleaning,or are you flying some where?"

BALLS -is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."

[mal]

L/LINDER 7-8 liked it
SQUAWK 8-0 nice anology [with balls joke you could add smelling of anchovies !!!!}

[Squawk]

SQUAWK 8-0 [with balls joke you could add smelling of anchovies !!!!}

LOL!

[magpie in the 80's]

SEXUAL OLYMPICS

guy goes over to his girlfriends for a bit of nookie.
he has 3 condoms gold,silver and bronze.
your choice he says.
i'll take silver she says.
guy says "in a very smug way" why not gold.
because i want you to come 2nd for once

[mal]

SEXUAL OLYMPICS

guy goes over to his girlfriends for a bit of nookie.
he has 3 condoms gold,silver and bronze.
your choice he says.
i'll take silver she says.
guy says "in a very smug way" why not gold.
because i want you to come 2nd for once

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 8-5 rating *

[magpie in the 80's]

there's this bartender at the bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice,"may i speak to the manager please. bartender says he's busy at the moment "is there something i can help you with" in his own sexy voice.
i dont know if your the right person "its a bit personal she says". thinking he might get lucky, he goes "im pretty sure i can handle your problem miss. She then looks at him with a smile, and puts 2 of her fingers in his mouth and he begins sucking on them thinking "IM IN HERE." can you give the manager something for me. the bartender nods and says yes anything. can you tell him theres no "TOILET PAPER" in the ladiesroom

[mal]

M80'S nice joke 7-7 rating.

Went to Elizabeth Oval on the weekend and was at the admittance gate :
There was a guy with a Centrals scarf, a dole bludger, a drug addict,
an idiot ,an alchoholic and a car thief in front of me,
....and that was just the one person.

[smac]

M80'S nice joke 7-7 rating.

Went to Elizabeth Oval on the weekend and was at the admittance gate :
There was a guy with a Centrals scarf, a dole bludger, a drug addict,
an idiot ,an alchoholic and a car thief in front of me,
....and that was just the one person.

Yes and I would like that North supporter to return my scarf as soon as possible.

[magpie in the 80's]

seven wise men, creative and fine, created a pussy to their own design.

1st was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a chisel and hammer gave it a hole.
2nd was a butcher,quick with his wit, pulled out his steak knife and gave it a slit.
3rd was a hunter, short and stout,with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
4th was a tailor,tall and thin,with a piece of red velvet he lined it within.
5th was a fisherman, nasty as hell, he threw in a fish and gave it its smell.
6th was a preacher, his name was McGee, he blessed it and touched it and said it would pee.
7th was a sailor, a dirty little runt, he licked it and f......ked it, and called it a C.....T!!!!

[RustyCage]

Q; Whats better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A: Walking.

[Wedgie]

Three football fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot
sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road.
They stopped and discovered a dead nude female.

Out of respect and propriety, the Eagles fan took off his cap and placed
it
over her right breast.
The Collingwood fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast.
Following their lead, the Port Adelaide fan took off his cap and placed
it
over her map of Tassie.

The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his
investigation.

First he lifted up the Eagles cap, looked, replaced it and then wrote
down a
few notes.

Next he lifted up the Collingwood cap, looked, replaced it and wrote
down
some more notes.

Then he lifted up the Port Adelaide cap, looked, replaced it, scratched
his
head.
Lifted it again and looked, replaced it, thought for a minute then
lifted it
again, looked and finally replaced it before writing down some notes.

The Port fan was getting a little upset and finally asked, 'What are
you?, a
pervert or something! Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and
looking?'

'Well,' said the officer, 'I am simply surprised, normally when I look
under
a Power cap, I find an arsehole.....'

[mal]

M80'S poem 7-2 ok
pafc walking joke 8-1 liked it
wedgie 8-7 loved it

[magpie in the 80's]

as an aeroplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,"if i'm going to die, i want to die feeling like a woman."

she removes all her clothing and asks,"is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

a man stands up, removes his shirt and says "HERE IRON THIS"