BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

Movies, TV Shows, Fringe, etc.

BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

Postby mal » Thu Apr 20, 2006 1:38 pm

[*]BEST JOKES

I'm starting a thread as I love hearing a great joke.

One of my favourites.
--------------------------

The doctor calls in Jack with some good news and bad news.
" Give us the bad news first doc."
" I'm sorry Jack but you have cancer and you only have about 2 weeks to live."
" Shit doc what's the good news then."
" Come over look here, see my secretary that petite women with
that tight little mini skirt."
" Yeah."
" With those lovely firm boobs."
" Oh yeah oh yeah."
" The one that's smiling over here now."
" Yes doc tell me the good news quick quick."
" I'm rooting her Jack."


Looking forward to hearing a few more guys.
mal
Coach
 
Posts: 26364
Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2006 11:45 pm
Has liked: 1138 times
Been liked: 892 times

Postby duncs7 » Thu Apr 20, 2006 1:51 pm

I thought u said it was a great joke?? :? :?
User avatar
duncs7
Under 18s
 
Posts: 577
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 3:22 pm
Location: Argana Park
Has liked: 0 time
Been liked: 0 time

Postby mal » Thu Apr 20, 2006 5:32 pm

Duncs 7

It's the thought that counts.
Apologies if you found it offensive.
mal
Coach
 
Posts: 26364
Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2006 11:45 pm
Has liked: 1138 times
Been liked: 892 times

Postby duncs7 » Fri Apr 21, 2006 1:35 am

nah, i didnt find it offensive. It was just a crap joke! Good on ya 4 tryin though.

What do u do if a bird shits on your car?



Dont ask her out again!
User avatar
duncs7
Under 18s
 
Posts: 577
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 3:22 pm
Location: Argana Park
Has liked: 0 time
Been liked: 0 time

Postby mal » Fri Apr 21, 2006 1:32 pm

DUNCS 7

Nice cryptic response [crap joke/ bird shits ....]

I gave your joke a 7 rating.

I will try again.

Why can't blondes dial 911 ?
Because they can't find the 11.


What's the difference between Cholesterol and Fat?
Have you ever woken up with a Cholesterol !
mal
Coach
 
Posts: 26364
Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2006 11:45 pm
Has liked: 1138 times
Been liked: 892 times

Postby JK » Fri Apr 21, 2006 3:44 pm

LMAO .. That first one actually hit me on the funnybone .. Nice one! :lol:
User avatar
JK
Coach
 
 
Posts: 37364
Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2005 10:11 am
Location: Coopers Hill
Has liked: 4438 times
Been liked: 2984 times
Grassroots Team: SMOSH West Lakes

Postby duncs7 » Fri Apr 21, 2006 4:12 pm

mal wrote:What's the difference between Cholesterol and Fat?
Have you ever woken up with a Cholesterol !

Thats the spirt, your getting better. I like that one. Ive woken up with FAT a few times! Ive just rolled over and been like :shock:
User avatar
duncs7
Under 18s
 
Posts: 577
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 3:22 pm
Location: Argana Park
Has liked: 0 time
Been liked: 0 time

Postby duncs7 » Fri Apr 21, 2006 4:18 pm

A nun, a gorilla, and Santa Claus walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

A little girl says to her mum: "is god black or white?"
mum says: "both."
the little girl asks: "is god a man or a woman?"
Mum says: "Both."The little girl pauses a moment, looking mildly confused, then her face is lit with sudden comprehension and she says: "Ohhh! God is Michael Jackson!"
User avatar
duncs7
Under 18s
 
Posts: 577
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 3:22 pm
Location: Argana Park
Has liked: 0 time
Been liked: 0 time

Postby Booney » Fri Apr 21, 2006 5:00 pm

When it comes to women I look for inner beauty.

If its in'er BEAUTY!
PAFC. Forever.

LOOK OUT, WE'RE COMING!
User avatar
Booney
Coach
 
 
Posts: 58211
Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2005 1:47 pm
Location: Alberton proud
Has liked: 7467 times
Been liked: 10754 times

Postby Footy Chick » Fri Apr 21, 2006 6:25 pm

Booney wrote:When it comes to women I look for inner beauty.

If its in'er BEAUTY!



****FC laughs sooooo hard that she cant think of any smart arse return reply**** :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
User avatar
Footy Chick
Moderator
 
 
Posts: 26695
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2005 1:44 pm
Location: anywhere I want to be...
Has liked: 1737 times
Been liked: 2144 times

Postby mal » Sat Apr 22, 2006 1:41 am

BOONEY DUNCS7

BOONEY the inner joke was a classic RATING 8.5

DUNCS7 the Jacko joke was very good RATING 7.5

my turn

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalogue!
mal
Coach
 
Posts: 26364
Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2006 11:45 pm
Has liked: 1138 times
Been liked: 892 times

Postby panther » Sat Apr 22, 2006 7:17 pm

I gotta joke for everybody

Why do pinball machines tilt?

So would you if you had 3 balls.!
panther
Rookie
 
Posts: 148
Joined: Sat Apr 22, 2006 6:56 pm
Has liked: 19 times
Been liked: 0 time

Postby ORDoubleBlues » Sat Apr 22, 2006 11:24 pm

As told by Rodney Rude.......

What do P*****rs and bungie jumpers have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're both in the shit.
User avatar
ORDoubleBlues
League - Top 5
 
 
Posts: 3207
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2005 5:36 pm
Has liked: 0 time
Been liked: 10 times
Grassroots Team: Macclesfield

Postby mal » Sun Apr 23, 2006 12:05 am

RATINGS FOR PANTHER AND OR DOUBLEBLUES

PANTHER 8 very funny had a giggle

D/blues 7 good pass mark

more please.
mal
Coach
 
Posts: 26364
Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2006 11:45 pm
Has liked: 1138 times
Been liked: 892 times

Postby ORDoubleBlues » Sun Apr 23, 2006 12:08 am

Coopers have just released a beer called the Van Nguyen..................
but it only comes in longnecks.
User avatar
ORDoubleBlues
League - Top 5
 
 
Posts: 3207
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2005 5:36 pm
Has liked: 0 time
Been liked: 10 times
Grassroots Team: Macclesfield

Postby Booney » Mon Apr 24, 2006 8:48 am

Ivan Milat drives into the forrest with a couple of hitchhikers,the first hitchhiker says,"Wow,its a bit scary in here hey?".

Milat says"How do you think I feel,I have to drive out of here on my own!"
PAFC. Forever.

LOOK OUT, WE'RE COMING!
User avatar
Booney
Coach
 
 
Posts: 58211
Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2005 1:47 pm
Location: Alberton proud
Has liked: 7467 times
Been liked: 10754 times

Postby mal » Mon Apr 24, 2006 9:11 am

RATINGS

ORDOUBLEBLUES re coopers joke 7

BOONIE re milat joke 7.5

Boonie how did yours get past the 3rd umpire
Im sure the Moderators looked at it.
But I liked it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mal
Coach
 
Posts: 26364
Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2006 11:45 pm
Has liked: 1138 times
Been liked: 892 times

Postby Booney » Mon Apr 24, 2006 9:12 am

I am a moderator Mal,I hope I haven't crossed the line.............
PAFC. Forever.

LOOK OUT, WE'RE COMING!
User avatar
Booney
Coach
 
 
Posts: 58211
Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2005 1:47 pm
Location: Alberton proud
Has liked: 7467 times
Been liked: 10754 times

Postby mal » Mon Apr 24, 2006 3:28 pm

BOONIE

The Milat joke is now an 8 rating SIR.
mal
Coach
 
Posts: 26364
Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2006 11:45 pm
Has liked: 1138 times
Been liked: 892 times

Postby blink » Mon Apr 24, 2006 3:46 pm

A man was driving to work in Melbourne one day, and comes across a massive traffic jam. After 10 or so frustrating minutes, he notices a bloke going from car to car, talking to each of the drivers. Eventually he reaches the man’s car, and motions him to wind down his window, and the man says “Do you know what is causing the hold up?”
The bloke going from car to car replies “Eddie McGuire is up the road a bit further on, and he is in a bad way. He is having trouble coping with the move to Sydney, Carla wants a big house near Bondi, and he can’t afford the multi-million dollar price tag. He also says he can’t handle the pressures of running Collingwood and being the boss of Nine. So, he is standing in the middle of the road threatening to douse himself in petrol, and set himself on fire!”
The man in the car says “That’s horrible, is there anything I can do to help?”
The bloke replies “Well, as a matter of fact, I am going from car to car taking up a collection to give to Eddie.”
The man says “That’s a great idea, how much have you got already?”
The other bloke tells him, “Oh, about 15 litres”.
User avatar
blink
League - Best 21
 
 
Posts: 1709
Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:13 pm
Has liked: 0 time
Been liked: 0 time

Next

Board index   General Talk  Entertainment

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

Around the place

Competitions   SANFL Official Site | Country Footy SA | Southern Football League | VFL Footy
Club Forums   Snouts Louts | The Roost | Redlegs Forum |