Great Cricket Sledges
Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 3:26 pm1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match,
Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words:
"So how's your wife & my kids?"
2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance
to humiliate him.
"Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo
Brandes):
"Hey Eddo, why are you so F**ing Fat?"
Eddo Brandes: "Because everytime I F*** your mother, she throws me a biscuit"
4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed:"You can't f**king bat".
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to theboundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."
5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor.
A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k off."
7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which
was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga
called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in
Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, Fat
c**t!!!"
8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was
greeted by Mark Waugh.......
MW : "F*ck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to
play for England" JO "Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family"
9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
"So what does Brian Lara's d*ck Taste like?"Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If you ever effing mention my wife again, I'll F*ing rip your F*fing throat out."
10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (AdamParore)
comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball.
Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t
then, you're fu*king useless now".
Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt".
11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan
batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim.
Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."
12. Ravi Shastri v/s the aussie 12th man (don't remember who, and don't want to sledge anyone ) Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease i'll break your f***ing head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"
13. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall :
"Now David, Are you going to Get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
14. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly.
"I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied.
15. Shaun Pollock bowling to Ricky Ponting, Ponting plays and misses, Pollock says " it's a small red ball, weighs (insert weight of ball), you know it? Next ball Ponting smashes Pollock out the ground for six. Ponting "You know what it looks like, now go find it"
16. Chris Cairns to Ricky Ponting....Even my mother could captain the Australian Cricket Team...
To which Brett Lee replied...Chris Cairns's mother must be a pretty good player...
17. An unnamed Aussie was not so fortunate after trying to wind up Sir Viv Richards in his own kingdom.Barging into the visitors' changing room on close of play, King Viv pinned his man against a wall without anyone daring to restrain him."If you are going to call me a black bastard, how observant of you to notice that I am black," he snorted."But do you have the documentation to prove I am a bastard?"
18. Adam Parore and Daryll Cullinan. Because Cullinan is well known for being Warne's bunny, New Zealand keeper Parore greeted the South African, carefully playing the first ball from Kiwi Chris Harris, with a cry of: "Bowled Warnie!".
19. Craig McDermott & Phil Tufnell. But perhaps the most intimidating one-liner delivered in recent cricket history occurred in the 1991 Ashes series in Oz when Craig McDermott was dismissed at Perth by Phil Tufnell and responded by asking: “You’ve got to bat on this in a minute, Tufnell. Hospital food suit you?â€
20. In an England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate, Trueman said "Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."
21. Merv Hughes was playing for Australia against a South African provincial
side during a tour to SA. Hansie Cronje was facing him on a totally flat
deck and belting fours and sixes from every one of Hughes' overs. After
Cronje hit Hughes for six for about the 8th time, Big Merv ran down the
pitch, let out a huge fart and said "Try and hit that for six". It was
about 5 minutes before everyone was composed enough to continue the
game.
22. Jamie Siddons (considered one of the best players never to have played Test Cricket for Australia) was fielding at first slip and the batsman was fidgeting around and basically taking his sweet time to face up.
Siddons : "For **** sake, It's not a **** Test Match"
Batsman turning round : "Obviously - You're here !"
23. Another one attributed to Trueman. He's just bowled a bloke with an absolute peach of a ball.
Batsman : "That was a great ball Fred."
Trueman : "Aye son, and wasted on you.
24. Queensland were playing the Poms in a warmup game. Nasser Hussain was batting. Nasser has what you might call a prominent probiscus.
Healy to fieldsman: "I want you to come in and field right under Nasser's nose"
(Fieldsman starts walking in)
Healy when fieldsman is 5 metres from Hussain: "Right, That'll do"
25. Graeme Hick, who never mastered top class fast bowling, had been under siege from a barrage of Hughes' bouncers.
"What does your husband do when he is not watching you play cricket?" Hughes asked.
26. A famous one from the Centenary Test in Melbourne 1977. A young David Hookes makes his way to the crease in his debut test. The English captain was South African born Tony Greig.
Greig : "When are balls going to drop sonny"
Hookes : "Don't know but at least I'm playing Cricket for my own country"
27. "If it had been a cheese roll, it would never have got past him." - Graham Gooch on the famous Shane Warne delivery that bowled Gatting at Old Trafford, 1993
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match,
Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words:
"So how's your wife & my kids?"
2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance
to humiliate him.
"Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo
Brandes):
"Hey Eddo, why are you so F**ing Fat?"
Eddo Brandes: "Because everytime I F*** your mother, she throws me a biscuit"
4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed:"You can't f**king bat".
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to theboundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."
5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor.
A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k off."
7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which
was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga
called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in
Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, Fat
c**t!!!"
8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was
greeted by Mark Waugh.......
MW : "F*ck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to
play for England" JO "Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family"
9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
"So what does Brian Lara's d*ck Taste like?"Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If you ever effing mention my wife again, I'll F*ing rip your F*fing throat out."
10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (AdamParore)
comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball.
Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t
then, you're fu*king useless now".
Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt".
11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan
batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim.
Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."
12. Ravi Shastri v/s the aussie 12th man (don't remember who, and don't want to sledge anyone ) Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease i'll break your f***ing head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"
13. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall :
"Now David, Are you going to Get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
14. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly.
"I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied.
15. Shaun Pollock bowling to Ricky Ponting, Ponting plays and misses, Pollock says " it's a small red ball, weighs (insert weight of ball), you know it? Next ball Ponting smashes Pollock out the ground for six. Ponting "You know what it looks like, now go find it"
16. Chris Cairns to Ricky Ponting....Even my mother could captain the Australian Cricket Team...
To which Brett Lee replied...Chris Cairns's mother must be a pretty good player...
17. An unnamed Aussie was not so fortunate after trying to wind up Sir Viv Richards in his own kingdom.Barging into the visitors' changing room on close of play, King Viv pinned his man against a wall without anyone daring to restrain him."If you are going to call me a black bastard, how observant of you to notice that I am black," he snorted."But do you have the documentation to prove I am a bastard?"
18. Adam Parore and Daryll Cullinan. Because Cullinan is well known for being Warne's bunny, New Zealand keeper Parore greeted the South African, carefully playing the first ball from Kiwi Chris Harris, with a cry of: "Bowled Warnie!".
19. Craig McDermott & Phil Tufnell. But perhaps the most intimidating one-liner delivered in recent cricket history occurred in the 1991 Ashes series in Oz when Craig McDermott was dismissed at Perth by Phil Tufnell and responded by asking: “You’ve got to bat on this in a minute, Tufnell. Hospital food suit you?â€
20. In an England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate, Trueman said "Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."
21. Merv Hughes was playing for Australia against a South African provincial
side during a tour to SA. Hansie Cronje was facing him on a totally flat
deck and belting fours and sixes from every one of Hughes' overs. After
Cronje hit Hughes for six for about the 8th time, Big Merv ran down the
pitch, let out a huge fart and said "Try and hit that for six". It was
about 5 minutes before everyone was composed enough to continue the
game.
22. Jamie Siddons (considered one of the best players never to have played Test Cricket for Australia) was fielding at first slip and the batsman was fidgeting around and basically taking his sweet time to face up.
Siddons : "For **** sake, It's not a **** Test Match"
Batsman turning round : "Obviously - You're here !"
23. Another one attributed to Trueman. He's just bowled a bloke with an absolute peach of a ball.
Batsman : "That was a great ball Fred."
Trueman : "Aye son, and wasted on you.
24. Queensland were playing the Poms in a warmup game. Nasser Hussain was batting. Nasser has what you might call a prominent probiscus.
Healy to fieldsman: "I want you to come in and field right under Nasser's nose"
(Fieldsman starts walking in)
Healy when fieldsman is 5 metres from Hussain: "Right, That'll do"
25. Graeme Hick, who never mastered top class fast bowling, had been under siege from a barrage of Hughes' bouncers.
"What does your husband do when he is not watching you play cricket?" Hughes asked.
26. A famous one from the Centenary Test in Melbourne 1977. A young David Hookes makes his way to the crease in his debut test. The English captain was South African born Tony Greig.
Greig : "When are balls going to drop sonny"
Hookes : "Don't know but at least I'm playing Cricket for my own country"
27. "If it had been a cheese roll, it would never have got past him." - Graham Gooch on the famous Shane Warne delivery that bowled Gatting at Old Trafford, 1993
