by magpie in the 80's » Sat Sep 27, 2008 11:52 am
1. 1st January 2006 800 x 600 pixels
....1st January 2007 1280 x1024 pixels
....1st January 2008 1600 x 1200 pixels NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
2. Mr. E. from Birth
....Mr. E. from Marriage THE MYSTERIES OF LIFE
....Mr. E. from Death
3. Headlines:
....Hostage Rescue *CRUNCH* Successful
....New Budget *RIP* Reveals Big Tax Cuts BREAKING NEWS
....250 Survive Train *SNAP* Crash
4. gaAute
...HIJKLMNO WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE
5. E
....L
....K
....C
....U
....B
....SAFE SAFE SAFE SAFE BUCKLE UP FOR SAFETY
....T
6. I am GOING TO take an H
....I WILL then add an E
....I INTEND to then put an A
....Then I HOPE to finish with a D PLANNING AHEAD
7. Joe's shout, he buys: A ROUND OF APPLAUSE
....1 pint of Ap for Stan
....1 pint of pl for Jack
....1 pint of au for Cyril
....1 pint of se for Phil
8. Step 1: Obtain an IT from a store.
....Step 2: Split the I away from the T.
....Step 3: Carefully insert a sock in the middle. PUT A SOCK IN IT
....Step 4: Glue it all together.
9. Bob does the Foxtrot - LANCELOT DANCING THE NIGHT AWAY
....Bob does the Tango - LANCEL
....Bob does the Salsa - LANC
....Bob does the Waltz - LA
....Bob does the Lambada -
10. Sm + ok + ing
......Bit + eY + our + Na + ils FORMING BAD HABITS
......Grin + dYo + urTe + eth
11. Today's Births at Memorial Hospital THERE'S ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE
......--------------------
......Time - Name
......--------------------
.....12:00am - Juan Pablo Montoya
.....12:01am - Juan Peter Carmichael
.....12:02am - Juan Carlos Vincinni
.....12:03am - Juan John Threesicksteen
12. TV of 2th ctrl+V TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE
13. The (b care) (c care) ... (z care) globe NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD
14. ofus just ofus JUST BETWEEN THE TWO OF US
15. Head Shoulders HEAD AND SHOULDERS ABOVE THE REST
......Arms Body Legs
......Ankles Feet Toes
16. Yours: 1976 1984 2003 YYYY WISE BEYOND YOUR YEARS
17. Couple - healthy
......Some - unimpaired
......Few - all right
......Most - hunky-dory
......All - under the weather ALL IS NOT WELL
18. Men's 100 Meter Sprint
......Lane 1: Jared, wearing a red evening gown DRAG RACE
......Lane 2: Roger, wearing a blouse and skirt
......Lane 3: Trent, wearing a blue dress and high heels
......Lane 4: Waldo, wearing a white camisole
19. Once upon a time there lived a rooster and a male moose and they lived happily ever after. A COCK AND BULL STORY
......The end.
20. 1920 - 1924 King Rufus = "It" does nothing WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS
......1924 - 1926 King It = "It" cascades
......1926 - 1928 King Bob = "It" does nothing
......1928 - 1930 King It = "It" flows
21. Sum(Pals)mit
......Pe(Buddies)ak
......Zen(Chums)ith FRIENDS IN HIGH PLACES
22. On your right we see the letter D A TOUR OF DUTY
......Coming up ahead is the letter U
......If you look to your left now is the letter T
......And over there is the letter Y
23. SUN
......OLD THING, OLD THING NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN
24. (4 x Fingers + 1 x Thumb) x 10 = Changing the bulb. MANY HANDS MAKE LIGHT WORK
25. Beginning transmission
......AEEGMSSS...... SENDING MIXED MESSAGES
......EEGMSSS.......A
......EGMSSS........AE
......GMSSS.........AEE
......MSSS..........AEEG
......SSS...........AEEGM
......SS............AEEGMS
......S.............AEEGMSS
...................AEEGMSSS
......End of transmission
26. Salmon <-----
......SalmonH20SalmonH20 A FISH OUT OF WATER
......SalmonH20SalmonH20
......SalmonH20SalmonH20
......SalmonH20SalmonH20
27. Your Good shot >>>>>>>>> Him
......Your Bad shot >>>>>>>>> You
......Your Top shot >>>>>>>>> Me HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT
......Your Average shot >>>>>>>>> Her
28. Serena Williams' ace is accompanied by an expression of enjoyment. SERVICE WITH A SMILE
29. My Left Hand = 47 points MY HANDS ARE TIED
......Your Left Hand = 12 points
......My Right Hand = 47 points
......Your Right Hand = 63 points
30. Cast 1) Caught "Your hair is a mess" (Thrown back)
......Cast 2) Caught "Your breath smells" (Thrown back)
......Cast 3) Caught "Your rebuses are brilliant" (Not thrown back) FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)