Gift/Work/Social Etiquette

[A Mum]

I'm glad, because if you were 'attached' I might have had to withdrawl all advice/suggestions....lol

[Lunchcutter]

I'd like some advice on a tricky work/social situation.
A workmate is leaving in the next few weeks and I'd like to buy her a small present.
We get along really well (with a little bit of sexual tension but we don't go overboard with it),with the odd workmate thinking that we are seeing each other.
She is half my age and if i didn't work with her I'd be on her in a second (workplace romances are a no-go with me).
She has a steady boyfriend and I want to buy her a small gift but don't want to give her (or the boyfriend!) any mixed messages.
First question is, 1/ Should I buy her anything, and 2/ If so, what?.

wait until she leaves, then bang her ...

GOLD

[Zorro]

Classic thread gents

Well done Mr66+3 for 'hanging it out there' for comment and not crossing the line in 3 yrs, it's harder* than it sounds sometimes.

Assuming you've paid attention during your many corridor chats over that time (and not just to her stockings) I'd go for a book relating to something she's interested in. You can write an 'all the best' inside the cover and leave it at that, it's non perishable so will be a reminder of you to her and it's not too personal as far as the other half is concerned (eg: it's something even a boss might do for someone leaving).

The other alternative is something she can use at her new job or place at her workspace. Either way mate do what feels right and don't over analyse it too much

Oh yeah and what dedja said

[Mr66]

Here's an update (if anyone was still interested)
Her last day is tomorrow and I have got her two gifts.
One is whimsical and the other is practical.
The whimsical one is a photo of me from 1988 with a killer mo and mullet.
She laughed her arse off so I had it framed.
The practical gift is 2 boxes of her favourite pens which our company used to use.
If any were left lying around, she would get them, so I thought a box of blue and black pens would be suitable.
We are having a farewell lunch on Friday and I am dreading it a bit.
I hope I can keep my emotions under control because there are some things I'd like to say to which I haven't written on her card.
Update this time tomorrow.

[mighty_tiger_79]

good luck with it Mr 66

[AFLflyer]

so what is the age gap, how old are you.. ? half your age could be a BIG gap!! BTW - add to this she is in a relationship! i guess this doenst stop some.

[devilsadvocate]

Just shag her. You know you want to!

[Zelezny Chucks]

I'm glad, because if you were 'attached' I might have had to withdrawl all advice/suggestions....lol

That is irresponsible advice A Mum the withdrawal method is fraught with dangers!!

[JK]

so a box of fruit or something similar.

Could have just got her a Fruit Box ... Cheap, refreshing and definitely doesn't send any wrong signals

[Hondo]

Mr66 what's your true intention for giving the gift? I ask because in my experience a personal gift on leaving a work-place is rare. If 2 people are good friends/mates then they will still catch up anyway so they don't bother with a gift. Everyone else dips into the group present if that's the way that workgroup does it.

But a personal gift ..... mmm .... that's sending a message and I'm not sure you should unless you want her to "keep in touch" after she's gone. Is that what you want?

If I was the boyfriend and my girlfriend comes home from work with the group present and then this personal gift from a male colleague ... well, I'm not sure what I'd make of it TBH. For the sake of the $20 or whatever you are going to spend I think you could spare everyone the awkward/wierd thoughts. Just wish her all the best and say the usual "well, you know my email address".

I reckon don't go there.

[Hondo]

Sorry I just read your latest update. I am now firmer in my thoughts NOT to give the gift. A framed photo of you??? Come on ... leave it. Spare her and her boyfriend the inevitable fight they will have when she comes up with a framed photo of a work colleague.

If you are dreading the lunch then I think even more reason to downplay this departure scene.

If you honestly think there are feelings involved then you've either got to bury them or confront her with them, some other time. If she leaves and doesn't contact you at all for a month then you know she was just being polite with you at work. If an SMS comes in on Sunday then there's your green light.

Not only am I thinking David Brent now I am think Gareth and Dawn

[AFLflyer]

Sorry I just read your latest update. I am now firmer in my thoughts NOT to give the gift. A framed photo of you??? Come on ... leave it. Spare her and her boyfriend the inevitable fight they will have when she comes up with a framed photo of a work colleague.

If you are dreading the lunch then I think even more reason to downplay this departure scene.

If you honestly think there are feelings involved then you've either got to bury them or confront her with them, some other time. If she leaves and doesn't contact you at all for a month then you know she was just being polite with you at work. If an SMS comes in on Sunday then there's your green light.

Not only am I thinking David Brent now I am think Gareth and Dawn

good post Hondo, nice to see some common sense written. Basically, i'd be pissed if i found out my missus was cracked onto by on old man while at work.. especially if she didnt see it coming.

[Booney]

I'm too dont like the idea of the picture. Oh well, they'd be at lunch now so the update later should be interesting.

[Hondo]

I am worried for both of their feelings here. I have seen first hand more than one situation where a work friendship has been misunderstood by one of the parties and each time it's been the man who's got the wrong end of the stick. One of these situations involved me (years ago)

In my experience, a woman is not backwards in coming forwards if there's feelings involved. If you feel it's you doing all the leg-work to up the ante then it's most times a sign that you're about to be disappointed. I also have found that women value male friendships and so become very upset if they find out there was an ulterior motive involved.

If it's mutual and these 2 are meant to be together well that's different and it will happen naturally. But this feels a bit forced.

I don't want to judge a situation I know nothing about. It's just that the way Mr66 has told us the story sets off some alarm bells. Who knows, maybe she has a gift lined up for him?

[AFLflyer]

I am worried for both of their feelings here. I have seen first hand more than one situation where a work friendship has been misunderstood by one of the parties and each time it's been the man who's got the wrong end of the stick. One of these situations involved me (years ago)

In my experience, a woman is not backwards in coming forwards if there's feelings involved. If you feel it's you doing all the leg-work to up the ante then it's most times a sign that you're about to be disappointed. I also have found that women value male friendships and so become very upset if they find out there was an ulterior motive involved.

If it's mutual and these 2 are meant to be together well that's different and it will happen naturally. But this feels a bit forced.

I don't want to judge a situation I know nothing about. It's just that the way Mr66 has told us the story sets off some alarm bells. Who knows, maybe she has a gift lined up for him?

yeah unlikely from what i have read, prob see's him like father figure role model type... i guess we can write about what we don't know as he has posted on a public forum, for us to comment

[Booney]

I am worried for both of their feelings here. I have seen first hand more than one situation where a work friendship has been misunderstood by one of the parties and each time it's been the man who's got the wrong end of the stick. One of these situations involved me (years ago)

In my experience, a woman is not backwards in coming forwards if there's feelings involved. If you feel it's you doing all the leg-work to up the ante then it's most times a sign that you're about to be disappointed. I also have found that women value male friendships and so become very upset if they find out there was an ulterior motive involved.

If it's mutual and these 2 are meant to be together well that's different and it will happen naturally. But this feels a bit forced.

I don't want to judge a situation I know nothing about. It's just that the way Mr66 has told us the story sets off some alarm bells. Who knows, maybe she has a gift lined up for him?

Why do it then?

[Bum Crack]

Here's an update (if anyone was still interested)
Her last day is tomorrow and I have got her two gifts.
One is whimsical and the other is practical.
The whimsical one is a photo of me from 1988 with a killer mo and mullet.
She laughed her arse off so I had it framed.
The practical gift is 2 boxes of her favourite pens which our company used to use.
If any were left lying around, she would get them, so I thought a box of blue and black pens would be suitable.
We are having a farewell lunch on Friday and I am dreading it a bit.
I hope I can keep my emotions under control because there are some things I'd like to say to which I haven't written on her card.
Update this time tomorrow.

Just a reminder mate. Now is about the time to swallow that Viagra

[Hondo]

Why do it then?

Good point, but he's asked our opinion. I think he could do with some honest advice, don't you think?

If this is 2010's great love story then good luck to him.

[Booney]

Why do it then?

Good point, but he's asked our opinion. I think he could do with some honest advice, don't you think?

If this is 2010's great love story then good luck to him.

I agree, he did ask, but I think dedja was the only one who gave him the answer he really wanted to hear.

[Hondo]

He'll give her the gift regardless of what any of us say anyway and he knows he shouldn't!

It will be what it will be