Free bun for who can remember penned this..
A view into the future: FootySA Quiz Night by Fat Alberton
PHIL H: Hello, and welcome to another edition of Local Footy Quiz. This year, the teams represent Grogs Class A...
[Cut to audience, all dressed alike in RWO shirts and red and white scarves, with a Grogs banner. Amongst them sits Dragonfly]
AUDIENCE: Go you Reds! We're going to smash the Snouts!
PHIL H: Yes, that's the spirit. And Snouts Wannabe Hacks.
[Cut to J Beam's hamster, John Fidge, sitting in the audience.]
JOHN FIDGE: He's been doing it all day! Hungry, Hungry Hippo! [Spies Dragonfly in the Audience] Eh, you, Dragonfly! Come Here! [Bites Dragonfly on the neck]
PHIL H: Err yes, well, representing Grogs we have Drebin...
DREBIN: Hello.
PHIL H: ...Lord Wedgie...
LORD WEDGIE: Heh heh heh. [he sips Toohey's Extra Dry]
PHIL H: ...RoosterMarty...
ROOSTERMARTY: Ah! [he sips champagne]
PHIL H: ...and Mr. Holly.
HOLLY: [gives thumbs-up sign] Hi
PHIL H: And representing Snouts Wannabe Hacks we have Borat..
BORAT: Hello.
PHIL H: .. Tigerboss...
TIGERBOSS: What? [He leans over to look at his namecard, on which someone has crossed out the"B" and replaced with a "T"]
PHIL H: ...J Beam... [J Beam gives a double screw-you sign] ...and Fatalberton.
FATALBERTON: Vegetable rights and peace. [Fatalberton gives a peace sign]
PHIL H: So, your starter for 10, no conferring: Registering on May 20, 2002, he came to FootySA...
[Fatalberton buzzes in]
ANNOUNCER: Snouts, Fatalberton.
FATALBERTON: Uh...Can I go to the toilet please?
PHIL H: No, I'm sorry, you're barking up the wrong tree there. 5 point penalty to Snouts, full question to Grogs, no conferring. ...He came to FootySA as one of the few South fans with a sense of humour...
[Drebin buzzes in]
ANNOUNCER: Grogs, Drebin.
DREBIN: Alright, now, eh, wasn't it, wasn't it, errr... ReakonMan?
PHIL H: Yes, well, you're almost there, can you give me any Moore?
DREBIN: Certainly, will fifty bucks do?
PHIL H: Absolutely spot on, well done Grogs, 10 points, and three bonus questions to you. "What is the name..."
[Lord Wedgie buzzes in]
LORD WEDGIE: Spoon Day?
PHIL H: Yes, well that's very well anticipated. Spoon Day it is.
[Fatalberton buzzes in and waves his arms]
FATALBERTON: Buzz, buzz...uh, sorry to hassle you or anything, Phil, but I really do need to go to the toilet really badly, you know.
PHIL H: Yes, well, the second bonus question to Grogs, who are ahead by 15 points, but it's early days yet...
FATALBERTON: Oh, no, guys, I'm just going to have to wee on Lord Wedgie's head.
PHIL H: ...Who said, "I don't buy beer from caravans"?
[Holly buzzes in]
HOLLY: Lenin!
PHIL H: Yes, I can accept that, although the exact answer is of course Psuedonymous. Well done, Grogs, 5 points. And what was the score...
[RoosterMarty buzzes in]
ROOSTERMARTY: I've got a Porsche. Hee hee!
PHIL H: Yes, well, that's not exactly what I've got written on the card, but I knew your father, so Grogs leads by 25 points.
ROOSTERMARTY: Daddy sends hugs. Hee hee!
PHIL H: So, starters for 10, fingers on the buzzers...Who has posted the most times on FootySA?
[J Beam accidentally buzzes in while dissembling his microphone]
ANNOUNCER: Snouts, J Beam.
J BEAM: What?
BORAT: We're getting trashed, we're getting completely trashed! [the guys confer] Isn't there some way we can cheat?
FATALBERTON: Guys, look, it's beginning to seep out.
TIGERBOSS: It's very simple, Fatalberton. Use the jug! [Tigerboss empties his water pitcher on Lord Wedgie's head]
PHIL H: Now I'll have to hurry you...Who has the most posts on FootySA?
[Lord Wedgie buzzes in]
ANNOUNCER Grogs, Wedgie.
LORD WEDGIE: It's me, isn't it?
PHIL H: No, I'm afraid not, your two week holiday in Queensland has seen Coorong slip into the lead.
LORD WEDGIE: Oh, damn. [the water pitcher falls on Lord Wedgie's head]
PHIL H: So with the score still standing at 25 to nothing, here goes...
J BEAM: [buzzing in] I'm completely bloody sick of this!
[he bashes in the floor and kicks Holly in the head]
Give us some easy ones, Phil, you big bottom-boil!
TIGERBOSS: Relax, we can handle this...J Beam!
J BEAM: [pulling out a hand grenade] Achtung! [he drops it on the Grogs team]
ROOSTERMARTY: It's not an automatic --
[BOOM! The Grogs team is demolished.]
TIGERBOSS: Okay, Phil, let's hear another.
PHIL H: So here goes with the starter for 10. What is the record number of beers drunk in a single afternoon at the footy?
[TIGERBOSS buzzes in]
ANNOUNCER: Snouts, Tigerboss.
TIGERBOSS: Six hundred and four, Flag Boy, Glenelg.
J BEAM: I told you that, Tigerboss, you bloody cheat!
PHIL H: 10 points, Snouts, and your question: Who produced the world's longest ever wee?
TIGERBOSS: [buzzing in] Flag Boy.
PHIL H: Correct, 5 points.
J BEAM: You bum bag!
PHIL H: The world's stupidest bottom-burp?
FATALBERTON: [buzzing in] Borat!
PHIL H: Correct, 5 points.
BORAT: It is not!
PHIL H: And finally, for 5 bonus points to take you into the lead: Who's been tampering with my question cards?
BORAT: [buzzing in] It was me! It was me! Damn, damn!
Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 8:51 pm
