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Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:53 pm
by Dogwatcher
http://www.wtol.com/Global/story.asp?S=8082496

Bellevue man facing charges for having sex with a table
Posted: March 28, 2008 08:54 PM
Update on picnic table indecency case
Bellevue man facing charges for having sex with picnic table


Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table.

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BELLEVUE -- Police say a man in Bellevue was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table.

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

The neighbor -- who wishes to remain anonymous -- saw Price walk out onto his deck, stand a round metal table on its side and use the hole for the umbrella to have sex.

The most recent instance took place March 14, we're told. A neighbor videotaped Price.

"The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table," Johnson says.

Police say Price admitted to the crimes -- four charges of public indecency. Usually these sorts of things are misdemeanors, but in this case, they are felonies.

"What boosts it up to a felony is that the statute says if it's likely to be viewed by a minor," Johnson explains.

The Price family did not want to talk with us, but neighbors did. Some are not happy Price was released on his own recognizance.

"He shouldn't be allowed just for the fact that he could do that again -- and nude that close to a school. That should be zero tolerance," says Brice Jacobs, a neighbor.

Price is married with three school-aged children. Neighbors tell us they're now worried about the kids.

"Hopefully it stays between the adults and the kids don't get a lot of the information so they aren't so cruel to the little kids," says Emily Grote, a neighbor.

This case has police in this small town shaking their heads. "Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around," Johnson says.

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:58 pm
by smac
Don't let my wife read that he lasted 1.5 hours, I'll be in all sorts of strife - told her it's impossible. :oops:

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:10 pm
by therisingblues
smac wrote:Don't let my wife read that he lasted 1.5 hours, I'll be in all sorts of strife - told her it's impossible. :oops:


Maybe if he glued a picture of Uma Thurman on it he'd get done a bit quicker. I think that tantrics actually close their eyes and try to imagine picnic tables in order to make the act last longer, and therefore heighten the climax.

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:26 pm
by Psyber
It reminds me of the passage in that old novel "Portnoy's Complaint" about the family roast.
http://www.time.com/time/2005/100books/ ... nt,00.html

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:46 pm
by Booney
smac wrote:Don't let my wife read that he lasted 1.5 hours, I'll be in all sorts of strife - told her it's impossible. :oops:


1.5 hours? I have trouble thinking of someone at times myself... :wink:

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 10:31 pm
by Pseudo
Glad to see I'm not the only one who reads http://www.dailyrotten.com 8)

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:46 am
by Dogwatcher
Psuedo - I actually got it through uselessjunk.net/forums

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:48 am
by JK
On a table - Fair enough ... But IN a table!!! :shock:

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:23 pm
by silicone skyline
In a cruel twist, apparently the wife ran off with the umbrella

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 1:21 pm
by rod_rooster
silicone skyline wrote:In a cruel twist, apparently the wife ran off with the umbrella


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 2:05 pm
by therisingblues
silicone skyline wrote:In a cruel twist, apparently the wife ran off with the umbrella


Niiiice! Love it Sky! :lol:

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 3:04 pm
by JK
LMAO .. Very good SS :lol:

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 4:47 pm
by locky801
Sounds like another story from HAnson Road :twisted:

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:33 pm
by RoosterMarty
silicone skyline wrote:In a cruel twist, apparently the wife ran off with the umbrella



:lol: :lol: :lol: that is quality

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:19 pm
by Dogwatcher
Bloody hell, don't build him up too much!

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 9:04 am
by silicone skyline
Buttercup baby

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:31 pm
by LaughingKookaburra
Do you reckon the table went on top when he was tired?

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:43 pm
by Punk Rooster
did the table get off too?
or was he only thinking of himself?

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:13 am
by johntheclaret
Did he open the table legs 1st

I hope he used protection. We don't want any little accidental coffee tables

Re: Sex with a table?

PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 1:36 pm
by Rik E Boy
"Honey will you lay the table please"

regards,

REB