My old man used to say..................

[Lightning McQueen]

I'll try and clean up the pub & restaurant thread today as this looks like it will grow legs.

[Lightning McQueen]

Ahh, explains it.

My ol' man reckons "If you can't see the ocean, don't order the fish".

Mine always told me “if at first you don’t succeed, buy her another drink...”

My old man would say "Go for the ugly chicks, no one else will want them so they wont leave you, but if they do, who cares?"

He used to do a fishing report on Saturday mornings on Radio Adelaide, "Saltwater Lenny", he's full of solid fishing / nautical advice.

Reckons if you're sea sick drink a cup of sea water. You'll be that ******* crook sea sickness will seem like nothing at all the next time you get it.

I remember taking the boat out with the old man and my incredibly stupid uncle, we were on St Kilda Road when the old man said "I hope the wind is going in the right direction for our spot", Uncle Stu put his hand out the window and said "The wind's going that way" as he pointed to the rear of the car.

[Lightning McQueen]

As a kid we used to go rabbiting out Two Wells / Virginia way, either with ferrets we had or trapping. My old man told an incredibly stupid cousin of mine that he could come rabbiting only after he had his myxomatosis shots.

Sunday rolls around and the cousin rolls up to our place somewhat miffed that they had no idea what he was talking about when he went to Urrbrae for his shots.

[Lightning McQueen]

"Never eat anything bigger than your head" was my dads advice

[Lightning McQueen]

Today would have been my dear old Dads 83rd Birthday. Dad passed 9 years ago now.

A few from him.

On selling - "don't sell the steak, sell the sizzle"

On women - "keep 'em well f**cked, and poorly shod"

On fishing - "no good just getting bites..... ya can't eat bites"

Happy Birthday ya old bugger!

[Lightning McQueen]

My oldman used to say

'You look with your eyes not with your hands'

My grandfather used to say when playing cards and he basically had you "F***ed in 500,

"You're farting against thunder son"

The old man when asked why he drank beer instead of water, "water makes you rust"

[Lightning McQueen]

As a kid we used to go rabbiting out Two Wells / Virginia way, either with ferrets we had or trapping. My old man told an incredibly stupid cousin of mine that he could come rabbiting only after he had his myxomatosis shots.

Sunday rolls around and the cousin rolls up to our place somewhat miffed that they had no idea what he was talking about when he went to Urrbrae for his shots.

My old man would've have said both those blokes, "Have only got heads to keep there ears apart..."

[Lightning McQueen]

My old man always told me "Never trust someone you can blindfold with a fishing line". That was the day after his Asian missus gave him the arse.

That's gold and Pauline's next election slogan...

[bennymacca]

When I was maybe 8-10 dad came home with a couple of printouts and put them on the little noticeboard at home. He's one of those old school dads that would think talking about feelings is for pansies, so this was his way of trying to give some advice. Cant remember if he put them there due to anything we were going through at the time or not. Not sure ive ever told him, but they have stuck with me for life.

"Today is a new day. You will get out of it just what you put into it...If you have made mistakes, even serious mistakes, there is always another chance for you. And supposing you have tried and failed again and again, you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down."



And the second one:

4237076fa8a546ebd76716af7290cca7.jpg (69.25 KiB) Viewed 972 times

[Mr Beefy]

If i asked for a lift somewhere I'd get "Are your legs painted on?"

If someone blocked his view he would come out with "you make a better door than a window"

Leave the door open and it was "were you born in a tent?"

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[Lightning McQueen]

If i asked for a lift somewhere I'd get "Are your legs painted on?"

If someone blocked his view he would come out with "you make a better door than a window"

Leave the door open and it was "were you born in a tent?"

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The wife and I were talking about this one the other night as I got the shits on about her leaving the screen door open while taking washing in and out.

Her mum asked her the same thing when she was younger and she replied with "You should know, you were there"

[GWW]

"Off like frightened rabbits"

"One for the road!"

[whufc]

See you when I'm looking at ya!!!

[Magellan]

My old man often says 'always live every day as if it's your last.'

As a consequence, he's been spending the last 33 years sitting in a hospital bed with a rubber tube stuck up his nose.

[Psyber]

My father topped his class at first year high school in 1919 and then was told, "Son, you're 14 and an educated man. Time to get a job."
He started out in printing but became severely allergic to the inks over time, then was unemployed from 1928 until 1936 when he joined SA Railways.

When I was growing up he had an expanding theme:
1st comment, "Stay at school till Intermediate (Year 10) and get a good government job."
Then , "Get your Matriculation next year (Year 11), and maybe become an Accountant."
Then, "Stay on and go to University."

[Lightning McQueen]

My father topped his class at first year high school in 1919 and then was told, "Son, you're 14 and an educated man. Time to get a job."
He started out in printing but became severely allergic to the inks over time, then was unemployed from 1928 until 1936 when he joined SA Railways.

When I was growing up he had an expanding theme:
1st comment, "Stay at school till Intermediate (Year 10) and get a good government job."
Then , "Get your Matriculation next year (Year 11), and maybe become an Accountant."
Then, "Stay on and go to University."

Not "have you put your penny farthing out the back yet?"

[Psyber]

My father topped his class at first year high school in 1919 and then was told, "Son, you're 14 and an educated man. Time to get a job."
He started out in printing but became severely allergic to the inks over time, then was unemployed from 1928 until 1936 when he joined SA Railways.

When I was growing up he had an expanding theme:
1st comment, "Stay at school till Intermediate (Year 10) and get a good government job."
Then , "Get your Matriculation next year (Year 11), and maybe become an Accountant."
Then, "Stay on and go to University."

Not "have you put your penny farthing out the back yet?"

We had 3 old bikes in the family in the 50s none of them 19th century models.
( I got my - mere 3-speed - semi-racer in 1957 to ride to Woodville High.)

[Mr Beefy]

Ill kick your arse til ya nose bleeds
There will be 2 hits, me hitting you and you hitting the floor.


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[Jase]

My dad was/is a scary dude and when I was brave enough to push his buttons, he would say...

"You'll play with the bull until you get the horns up your arse."

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[gadj1976]

I'd say "that's not fair" and my old man would say "neither is an old fella's bum". No idea what it means even now.

When I was mentioning how long something would last or continue "as long as his bum-hole is pointing toward the ground" would be the response.

********************
I should add, I've started my own. And in 25 years time when my son is asked the same thing he'll say this;

Son - ewwww, I don't like brocoli

Dad - son, it puts hair on your face

Son - dad, you always say that

************

Son - can I have a hot cross bun and ice cream for breakfast?

Dad - I don't think so Tim