If Men Ruled The World...
Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 5:38 pmIf Men Ruled the World ...
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she´d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you´ll get ´em next time" would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the AFL team of your choice.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
"Sorry I´m late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for showing up late to work.
At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you´d jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Garbage would take itself out.
Instead of beer belly, you´d get "beer biceps."
Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You´re #1!"
Valentine´s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you´d get the day off to go drinking. Mother´s Day, too. St. Patrick´s Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of petrol.
Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine.
As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over
the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That´s $10 off."
The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she´d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you´ll get ´em next time" would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the AFL team of your choice.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
"Sorry I´m late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for showing up late to work.
At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you´d jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Garbage would take itself out.
Instead of beer belly, you´d get "beer biceps."
Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You´re #1!"
Valentine´s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you´d get the day off to go drinking. Mother´s Day, too. St. Patrick´s Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of petrol.
Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine.
As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over
the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That´s $10 off."
The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
along with rugby union, baseball and cricket.
