Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by Squids » Tue Jan 21, 2014 11:37 am
how much for a calendar?
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by MightyEagles » Wed Jan 22, 2014 9:52 am
Nurse 1 - How did you figure out that the patient's problem was with his colon?
Nurse 2 - Process of elimination.
Nurse 2 - Process of elimination.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by MightyEagles » Thu Jan 23, 2014 10:00 am
True Tale
A patient with pneumonia ended up intubated. Her husband was with her every day, and we nurses always chatted with him during his visits. One thing that kept coming up was how pretty her toenail polish was - a shade of coralish-orange.
Over a week later she started to improve, but didn't remember her intubated time or realize how sick she had really been. Her husband told her how the nurses saved her life. As her health improved, we got to know her better. At least once a day someone mentioned her toenail polish. She would laugh and say that it was her favourite colour but that she desperately needed a pedicure!
Several weeks after she was discharged, the patient and her husband sent a card thanking the nurses for our efforts. She said that she had gotten her pedicure, and she felt that all of us nurses deserved one too - so she sent a basketful of bottles of that favourite polish. She said she'd never noted what the name of the colour was until she was preparing the basket. The colour was called Lifesaver.
A patient with pneumonia ended up intubated. Her husband was with her every day, and we nurses always chatted with him during his visits. One thing that kept coming up was how pretty her toenail polish was - a shade of coralish-orange.
Over a week later she started to improve, but didn't remember her intubated time or realize how sick she had really been. Her husband told her how the nurses saved her life. As her health improved, we got to know her better. At least once a day someone mentioned her toenail polish. She would laugh and say that it was her favourite colour but that she desperately needed a pedicure!
Several weeks after she was discharged, the patient and her husband sent a card thanking the nurses for our efforts. She said that she had gotten her pedicure, and she felt that all of us nurses deserved one too - so she sent a basketful of bottles of that favourite polish. She said she'd never noted what the name of the colour was until she was preparing the basket. The colour was called Lifesaver.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by MightyEagles » Fri Jan 24, 2014 10:04 am
Sister Mary was a nurse and nurses, whatever the creed, are primarily nurses, which had a lot to do with wearing your watch upside down, keeping calm in emergencies, and dying for a cup of tea.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by MightyEagles » Sat Jan 25, 2014 9:52 am
Alternative Careers for Nurses.
Air traffic controller: What do you think being on call is all about?
Drug dealer: Well, this one is obvious.
Lawyer: You have been trained in defensive medicine for years. How about putting it to good use? Besides, you know which doctors suck in your hospital. Start handing out your cards right outside their offices.
Air traffic controller: What do you think being on call is all about?
Drug dealer: Well, this one is obvious.
Lawyer: You have been trained in defensive medicine for years. How about putting it to good use? Besides, you know which doctors suck in your hospital. Start handing out your cards right outside their offices.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
- MightyEagles
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by MightyEagles » Mon Jan 27, 2014 9:41 am
The trained nurse has given nursing the human, or shall we say, the divine touch and made the hospital desirable for patients with serious ailments regardless of their home advantages.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
- MightyEagles
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- Posts: 11771
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by MightyEagles » Tue Jan 28, 2014 9:52 am
Several American nurses were training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. These nurses had little money for meals, so they ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex, and sometimes, kindly visitors would give them some extras of the treats they had brought for patients. One night a woman brought a pie to the break room and said to one of the nurses, "Would you eat this up, love?' So she and another American student nurse devourd every delicious crumb! But soon the woman returned and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?"
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
- MightyEagles
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by MightyEagles » Wed Jan 29, 2014 9:51 am
A single human blood cell takes only sixty seconds to make a complete circuit of the body. It might be back to its starting point by the time your break is over.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
- MightyEagles
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by MightyEagles » Thu Jan 30, 2014 9:58 am
That should assure us of at least forty-five minutes of undisturbed privacy. - Dorothy Parker on pressing the nurse call button during a hospital stay
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
- MightyEagles
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- Posts: 11771
- Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
- Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
- Has liked: 10 times
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- Grassroots Team: United Eagles
Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by tigerhutch » Thu Jan 30, 2014 1:32 pm
How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb ?
Vote for King Thistle and the Wise Old Elf ... you know it makes sense
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by Squids » Thu Jan 30, 2014 2:46 pm
anyone want to hook me up with a green whistle?
Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by scoob » Thu Jan 30, 2014 3:43 pm
anyone want to hook me up with a hot nurse?
Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by MightyEagles » Fri Jan 31, 2014 10:09 am
Nursing is an art: and if it is to be made an art, it requires and exclusive devotion, as hard a preparation, as any painter's or sculptor's work; for what is the having to do with dead canvas or dead marble, compared with having to do with the living body, the temple of God's spirit? It is one of the Fine Arts: I had also said, the finest of Fine Arts.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by MightyEagles » Sat Feb 01, 2014 9:53 am
Lessons learned from patients.
- Glass breaks, usually with sharp edges. It is possibly the least ideal material for a sex top.
- After cooking with hot chilies, wash your hands thoroughly before touching your eyes, nose, or other sensitive areas
- Jelly beans and hearing aids feel very similar in the dark.
- Glass breaks, usually with sharp edges. It is possibly the least ideal material for a sex top.
- After cooking with hot chilies, wash your hands thoroughly before touching your eyes, nose, or other sensitive areas
- Jelly beans and hearing aids feel very similar in the dark.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
- MightyEagles
- Coach
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- Posts: 11771
- Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
- Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
- Has liked: 10 times
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- Grassroots Team: United Eagles
Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by MightyEagles » Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:53 am
Quick funnies
Do Roman nurses refer to IVs as 4s?
Do Roman nurses refer to IVs as 4s?
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
- MightyEagles
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- Posts: 11771
- Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
- Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by Psyber » Mon Feb 03, 2014 7:34 pm
MightyEagles wrote:Quick funnies
Do Roman nurses refer to IVs as 4s?
No they would have to be "quattuores" to them.
(As in Unus ,Duo, Tres, Quattuor, Quinque, Sex, Septem, Octo, Novem, Decem.)
EPIGENETICS - Lamarck was right!
Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by dedja » Mon Feb 03, 2014 8:00 pm
Oh dear ...
It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt
Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by MightyEagles » Tue Feb 04, 2014 10:09 am
Professionals share advice, but healers share wisdom.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
- MightyEagles
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- Posts: 11771
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by mal » Tue Feb 04, 2014 12:11 pm
If I'm in a hospital in the near future
And they tell me I have a short time left to live
I'm going to tell the world I'm dying of AIDS
Coz I dont want anyone rooting my wife and 2 girlfriends when I'm gone
And they tell me I have a short time left to live
I'm going to tell the world I'm dying of AIDS
Coz I dont want anyone rooting my wife and 2 girlfriends when I'm gone
Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)
by MightyEagles » Wed Feb 05, 2014 9:40 am
Alt. Careers for nurses.
Beautician - How many nails have you treated or cut off? How many backs have you shaved to do a procedure? Now you can do it in a nicer atmosphere.
Surgeon General - I mean really, what do they do anyway?
Newspaper delivery person - You have been giving news to patients every day of you life - why not keep it up? You still have to get up early, but you can go to bed early
Beautician - How many nails have you treated or cut off? How many backs have you shaved to do a procedure? Now you can do it in a nicer atmosphere.
Surgeon General - I mean really, what do they do anyway?
Newspaper delivery person - You have been giving news to patients every day of you life - why not keep it up? You still have to get up early, but you can go to bed early
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
- MightyEagles
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- Posts: 11771
- Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
- Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
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- Grassroots Team: United Eagles
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