Titus OReily

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Titus OReily

Postby Booney » Wed Jan 14, 2015 11:58 am

A page dedicated to creative writing about sports related news.

http://titusoreily.com/
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Re: Titus OReily

Postby Booney » Wed Jan 14, 2015 11:58 am

As 2015 slowly awakens and nurses a serious hangover from 2014, I asked some prominent sporting personalities for their New Year’s resolutions.

Some of the answers may surprise you.

James Hird- To continue to put the children of several lawyers through private school.

Nathan Buckley- To deal more sensitively with these whiny idiots modern footballers have become.

Heritier Lumumba- To make Collingwood fans regret I was ever traded. And Melbourne fans.

Brian Taylor- To offend new groups of people in old ways.

Eddie McGuire- Collingwood is single handedly propping up the rest of the league! I know that’s not a New Year’s resolution! Get out of my house.

Shane Watson- To try and get away with this for one more year.

Paddy McCartin- To not be rushed into deciding which team I will force a trade to at the end of the season.

Paul Little- I just want to watch the world burn.

Shane Warne- To continue spending all that goodwill I built up during my career via weird social media posts.

Peter Gordon- The players won’t control our club this year. Not that I’m saying they did last year.

Brad Scott- I’m Brad you idiot.

Chris Scott- You called him Chris? Yeah, that would have annoyed him.

Patrick Dangerfield- To enjoy the year of endless speculation about what club I’ll go to in 2016, before I announce it’s Hawthorn.

Gillon McLachlan- To learn to just appreciate that you can keep blaming all the bad stuff on Andrew Demetriou.

Todd Carney: Have I shown you this trick yet? Get your camera out, you’ll want a photo.

Jeff Kennett- I used to be Chairman of Hawthorn. I was Premier of Victoria too. Please talk to me, I want to be relevant again.

Darren Lehmann- I’ve really got to get around to sacking Shane Watson.

Gary Ablett Jr- I hope I can avoid injury this year.

Rodney Eade- I really, really hope Gary Ablett doesn’t get injured this year.

Buddy Franklin- I want to keep everyone up-to-date with my private life through social media.

Tom Boyd– I have lots of money now.

Daniel Ricciardo: To smile more. Also, Sebastian Vettel is a goose.

Mick Malthouse- To gain the patience to deal with those stupid idiots in the media. Seriously, it’s not even a job, writing about other people. BLOODY LEECHES.

Tom Harley- ‘Swisse’.

Michael Clarke- Steve Smith is an OK Captain, I guess.

Shannon Hurn- To not have to say ‘yes I really am the Captain’ when I visit Victoria.

Paul Roos- I would like a priority pick.

Ross Lyon- To find my next team.

David Koch- To renegotiate a new Adelaide Oval contract after we negotiated such a poor one the first time.

Ben McDevitt- It’s already 2015? When did this happen?

Steve Smith- To forgive those people who criticised me, despite me handing them a series victory against India and having an average of like, a million.

Damien Hardwick- I’d like the team to play a full season this year.

Jarryd Hayne- To not return to the NRL until at least round 12.

Alastair Clarkson- I’d like to take a few more potshots at Essendon.

Alan Richardson- To just accept that I’m coaching St Kilda. Oh well, only six more months to go.

Justin Leppitsch- To pray everyday that Bucks alienates Pendlebury this year.

Ryan Griffen- To get through the year without knifing a coach.

Ken Hinkley- Pardon? You’ll have to speak up. I’m at Adelaide Oval.
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Re: Titus OReily

Postby saintal » Wed Jan 14, 2015 1:08 pm

Most of his writing is very good. Enjoyed his recent AFL preseason training update/summary. His AFL draw summary a few months back was some of his best work. Most of us can relate to his thoughts on the C9 cricket commentators I'm sure.
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Re: Titus OReily

Postby daysofourlives » Wed Jan 21, 2015 9:13 pm

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Re: Titus OReily

Postby daysofourlives » Wed Jan 21, 2015 9:13 pm

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Re: Titus OReily

Postby Booney » Tue Jan 27, 2015 11:52 am

West Coast Eagles quietly building towards an average season
The West Coast Eagles say they’re happy to be flying under the radar in the lead up to an average 2015 season.

“A lot of people aren’t paying us any attention and that suits us just fine as we aim for eight or ninth on the ladder,” said Senior Coach Adam Simpson.

“I don’t think we’ve appeared in the Eastern state’s media for several years now. Maybe the occasional Ben Cousins piece,” Simpson said.

Shannon Hurn, who was apparently named Eagles captain last year, said the players had their sights set as high as a first week finals exit.

“Most people have forgotten about us entirely, I can even go to the shops here in Perth and people just assume I’m a tradie.”

Long time West Coast fan Emma Griffiths said she hasn’t been paying much attention to the Eagles recently and was surprised to hear John Worsfold had left.

“Look, they’re OK, but apart from Naitanui I’d struggle to name many,” Griffiths said.

“Oh Priddis! I remember him actually. He won the Brownlow didn’t he?”

Adam Simpson said the Eagles low profile approach went beyond the media.

“Recently, I was surprised to learn Sharrod Wellingham is still playing for us.”
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Re: Titus OReily

Postby Booney » Tue Jan 27, 2015 11:54 am

Who’s firing at your AFL club in pre-season?
Let’s see who firing on the training track at your club during the pre-season. This is the most accurate guide you’ll ever read.

Adelaide: Everyone. Patrick Dangerfield is doing especially well, which is good news for whoever he goes to next year.

Brisbane: Everyone, never before in the history of time has there been a better pre-season. The new guy with the tattoos is going especially well.

Carlton: Everyone. Chris Judd looks like a million dollars, mainly because Visy once gave him a million dollars.

Collingwood: Everyone, especially Bucks. Even Eddie walked up the stairs without pausing for a breather.

Essendon: Everyone. Dustin Fletcher could be in his mid-thirties.

Fremantle: Everyone. Real estate prices in Fremantle are so high because of all the houses that are being trained down.

Geelong: Everyone. Even though the time trial was a week ago, the track is still burning.

Gold Coast: Just Gary Ablett really.

GWS: Everyone, I forget most of their names though.

Hawthorn: Everyone, although pre is still wondering what hit him.

Melbourne: Everyone. The paleo diet has the demons hungry for the first time in years.

North Melbourne: Everyone. Jarrad Waite hasn’t even been suspended this season yet.

Port Adelaide: Everyone. A trip to Dubai has made the players really appreciate Adelaide.

Richmond: Everyone. Pre-season started off terribly but they’re flying now.

St Kilda: Everyone. If pre-season lasted all year this would be a great season.

Sydney: Everyone. The Swans all got a good rest during last year’s Grand Final, so are in top condition.

West Coast: Everyone. At this rate, everyone will be playing in the midfield, which is good because they didn’t have one last season.

Western Bulldogs: Everyone. Ryan Griffen is really earning his pay.
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Re: Titus OReily

Postby Booney » Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:00 pm

Perhaps his best yet. :lol:


"Hey Jimmy, you should change your name too. How about 'Ollie Wines'."
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Re: Titus OReily

Postby valleys07 » Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:34 pm

Brilliant Titus!
“Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro—I'm Broda!”

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Re: Titus OReily

Postby GWW » Thu Mar 12, 2015 6:58 pm

Just saw this one:

"At the season launch Eddie McGuire said the Pies could snatch a flag this year. So if you own any flags, be careful."
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Re: Titus OReily

Postby Psyber » Fri Mar 13, 2015 11:15 am

GWW wrote:Just saw this one:

"At the season launch Eddie McGuire said the Pies could snatch a flag this year. So if you own any flags, be careful."

I gather they are snatching for members too.

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I guess it could work for the Power reserves and Central Districts too. ;)
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Re: Titus OReily

Postby Booney » Fri Mar 13, 2015 11:43 am

Oh chortle chortle, mirth and merriment. :lol:
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Re: Titus OReily

Postby Booney » Tue Mar 17, 2015 10:05 am

Best thing about St Patrick's Day is not having to hide your morning whiskey in a coffee mug. No wait... work now informing me you do.



:lol:
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Re: Titus OReily

Postby Booney » Tue Apr 07, 2015 11:59 am

The Tuesday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round One
Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Carlton (78) v Richmond (105)

While it was disappointing not to have the opening round split over several months, it was nice to have the footy back.

Even a Carlton/Richmond match up didn’t dent my excitement.

It was sad that only one team got to lose this one after both tried so hard to.

Within minutes of the opening bounce we had Brett Deledio reported for a bump on Simon White and Dale Thomas going off with a dislocated shoulder.

The Collingwood supporters on social media exploded in sympathy for Daisy, which was heart warming.

Carlton jumped all over Richmond early and it looked like the Tigers were mentally still back at Adelaide Oval wondering what the hell had happened.

However, Carlton are still Carlton and the Tigers fought back with the wonderfully named Kamdyn McIntosh leading the charge.

Seriously Kamdyn? We may as well give up on spelling all together. Won’t be long until we have a player called Ds!lfmer; Smith.

Jack Riewoldt broke out later in the game with four goals in a performance that meant a lot, given his recent tough times.

The optically challenged Mick Malthouse would be furious with his charges and their inability to go near their opponents.

I blame the hovercraft. The Blues players took the hovering thing a bit too seriously.

Remember Carlton, winning is the best match day experience.

Melbourne (115) v Gold Coast (89)

A new Melbourne season is like going out in public with your family. You hope they don’t embarrass you but you’re generally resigned to it.

This time however it felt like you’d been given a much-improved version of your family.

Like when Marty McFly returns to the present day after taking care of Biff in the first Back to the Future.

What do you call it when you’ve watched your team play and you’re not sad beyond words? It was the question going through my mind as I left the ground.

The game had some spite early on, when Matt Shaw was reported after a late spoil on Melbourne’s Dean Kent that left Kent bleeding.

It was a key moment and Melbourne responded by drawing a line in the snow and led at the quarter time break.

I thought singing ‘It’s a Grand Old Flag’ at that point was a bit over the top but the Demons fans were up and about.

The Demons were impressive by Demon standards. There were still plenty of skill errors but the innovative strategy of recruiting competent AFL footballers seems to be paying off.

For the Suns, this was a worrying performance. They had lots of outs but there seemed a lack of intensity for large parts of the game.

You feel that losing Karmichael Hunt was a real problem as he would have been definitely able to give the Suns a lift.

Gary Ablett showed that he’s a better player than almost everyone in the AFL by playing with just one arm.

After the game, Rodney Eade said he thinks the Suns are still a couple of years away from finals, which is not what his Chairman has said. Trouble in paradise.

Sydney (72) v Essendon (60)

Essendon set out to achieve the rare ‘have 34 players cleared by a tribunal then win on the weekend’ double.

It was a big ask, especially considering Sydney had almost played in the Grand Final last year.

It had rained all today and conditions were tough, however this meant nothing to master coach James Hird, who had once seen out a pretty tough French winter.

This confidence showed, with the Bombers all over the Swans and with a 41-point advantage late in the third.

The Swans looked like they had forever left their footballing ability back in the 2014 Preliminary Final.

However, the Swans had Buddy Franklin and Kurt Tippett and as they say, the big men don’t get any shorter.

They also had Isaac Heeney, who was illegally grown in a test tube in one of the Swans’ clandestine footballing academies.

The fourth quarter saw Sydney boot seven goals to nothing, showing that Essendon’s aversion to writing things down extends to a game plan.

It was like they hadn’t bothered to do a preseason. Weird.

Brisbane (74) v Collingwood (86)

After Dayne Beams had fled north faster than a Victorian retiree, Collingwood were out for revenge.

Despite the fact people were talking about Brisbane like they were their 2003 team, Collingwood actually made fairly short work of them.

Brisbane did come back late, when Collingwood were very tired and kicked the last seven goals of the game.

The damage had already been done though and not just on the scoreboard

A Travis Varcoe knee had left Tom Rockliff with broken ribs and a punctured lung.

It looked so painful that I had sore ribs straight after seeing it but that could have been the two family sized pizzas I’d eaten. OK, three.

Western Bulldogs (97) v West Coast (87)

The battle of the West and the Really Far West, turned out to be well worth watching.

Who knew football at Etihad Stadium could be exciting?

Given almost every West Coast Eagles player is injured, it was difficult to judge how they were going to go.

It was similar for the Bulldogs after almost everyone had left last year and the only person who joined had to be paid in Shane Watson dollars.

This was a rapid, back-and-forth affair with both side giving it their all.

The Bulldogs did especially well considering their highest paid player plays for GWS.

In the end the Bulldogs made the most of their considerably higher chances and started the season on a high that they can now descend from.

St Kilda (78) v Greater Western Sydney (87)

Who was fired up for this game? The people in GWS’ marketing team? AFL executives?

Not exactly a game that would have either side confident of their chances this season.

The Giants did enough to win but not much more, while the Saints looked like a team of fairly honest triers but with little to worry any opposition.

Riewoldt looked good, considering he hadn’t played in the preseason but a bump that sent him to hospital must have had Saints fans wondering what they had done to deserve this sort of karma.

Adelaide (140) v North Melbourne (63)

Now this was the sort of performance that will give Crows supporters a lot of false confidence for the season.

Not since Richmond showed up to watch the 2014 Preliminary Final, had Adelaide Oval seen an effort like North’s.

The Kangaroos gave us the full range of Brad Scott’s facial expressions; shocked, bewildered, what’s that guy doing over there? And why is this happening to me?

The only positive thing you can say about North’s performance is that it’s only round one.

They just have some work to do on their skills, offence, defence, stoppages, tackling and effort. Minor things really.

For Adelaide this was amazing. They played good defensive football and then used that as a base for attack.

Dangerfield showed why he will be playing for six different teams next season, if the Internet is to be believed.

Tex Walker kicked six goals and when he had his shirt ripped off at one point the Adelaide Oval was so loud you’d think Port were playing.

Fremantle (75) v Port Adelaide (68)

One day, the AFL will be popular enough to have games like this on free-to-air.

Unfortunately, few people actually got to see what was the best game of the round.

This was tense, exciting football with both sides disciplined enough to make the opposition accountable but also willing to take chances when required.

Turns out Matthew Pavlich is quite good, he kicked four goals and a player no one ever mentions, Nat Fyfe, had 31 disposals and a goal.

For Port, Ollie Wines had 27 touches and two goals, Brad Ebert had 34 possessions and Robbie Gray threw in a lazy 31 touches.

In the end, Fremantle edged out the Power by taking their chances but both sides should feel pretty good about the season ahead.

Hawthorn (123) v Geelong (69)

So obviously this season is a write off for Geelong. It’s very hard to get things back on track when there are only 22 rounds left.

Luckily for Cats fans, they’ll have Mitch Clark’s Instagram feed as a distraction this week.

This season was always going to be a hard for Geelong without Travis Varcoe but beyond that they were also terrible.

Hawthorn bullied them, out ran them and displayed a chasm in skill.

The Hawks sent a very clear message to the rest of the competition ‘we can beat Geelong in round one by a lot. A lot.’

Can the Hawks keep it up? I imagine they’ll find it a lot tougher against other top eight sides like GWS, the Bulldogs and Melbourne.

Jordan Lewis had a game-high 35 possessions and the rest of the Hawks looked like the Harlem Globetrotters out there.

It’s going to be a tough year dealing with Hawks fans.

They are a bit like European wasps, with no cold winters to kill them off, they just keep growing in number, ruining many a good BBQ and irritating everyone.
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Re: Titus OReily

Postby am Bays » Tue Apr 07, 2015 1:18 pm

Titus O'Reilly wrote:The Bulldogs did especially well considering their highest paid player plays for GWS.

Now this was the sort of performance that will give Crows supporters a lot of false confidence for the season.

It’s going to be a tough year dealing with Hawks fans. They are a bit like European wasps, with no cold winters to kill them off, they just keep growing in number, ruining many a good BBQ and irritating everyone.


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Re: Titus OReily

Postby Spargo » Tue Apr 07, 2015 1:31 pm

His tweeting during the Dees/Suns game was very good.
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