If Men Ruled The World...

[Dogwatcher]

If Men Ruled the World ...
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she´d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you´ll get ´em next time" would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the AFL team of your choice.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

"Sorry I´m late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for showing up late to work.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you´d jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Garbage would take itself out.

Instead of beer belly, you´d get "beer biceps."

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You´re #1!"

Valentine´s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you´d get the day off to go drinking. Mother´s Day, too. St. Patrick´s Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of petrol.

Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine.
As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over
the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That´s $10 off."

The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.

Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

[Rik E Boy]

You were going well until I realised that you had failed to Australianise it!

regards,

REB

[JAS]

lmao...I suppose we can let you dream.

It's not like you guys are ever going to get the chance to rule the world

Now go and cut the grass and take that garbage out while you're at it

Regards
JAS

[Mr66]

lmao...I suppose we can let you dream.

It's not like you guys are ever going to get the chance to rule the world

Now go and cut the grass and take that garbage out while you're at it

Regards
JAS

What are you doing on the I-Net?
Shouldn't you be ironing?

[Thiele]

Aussie rules would be a religon

[JAS]

lmao...I suppose we can let you dream.

It's not like you guys are ever going to get the chance to rule the world

Now go and cut the grass and take that garbage out while you're at it

Regards
JAS

What are you doing on the I-Net?
Shouldn't you be ironing?

It's called multitasking sweetie

Regards
JAS

[JAS]

Aussie rules would be a religon

I thought it already was along with rugby union, baseball and cricket.

Regards
JAS

[Mr66]

lmao...I suppose we can let you dream.

It's not like you guys are ever going to get the chance to rule the world

Now go and cut the grass and take that garbage out while you're at it

Regards
JAS

What are you doing on the I-Net?
Shouldn't you be ironing?

It's called multitasking sweetie

Regards
JAS

Touche.

[TroyGFC]

Aussie rules would be a religon

Well I listed it as my religion in the census.

Back to title "If Men Ruled The World". there is no IF in it!!! Wooo where's the female posters!!

[Dogwatcher]

You were going well until I realised that you had failed to Australianise it!

regards,

REB

Shame on me

[rod_rooster]

Aussie rules would be a religon

I thought it already was along with rugby union, baseball and cricket.

Regards
JAS

Rugby Union and Baseball? I guess not all religions can be right

[RustyCage]

If men ruled the world? We do. No doubt about it. And the women who dont like it should start showing more respect to their superiors.

[Booney]

If men ruled the world-blow up dolls would be an acceptable dinner date.

[Dogwatcher]

They're not?

[smac]

They're not?

Not in the city anymore.

[Dogwatcher]

Ohh.

[Strawb]

I used to over inflate my blow up doll so i always got a bigger bang for my buck.

[johntheclaret]

I used to over inflate my blow up doll so i always got a bigger bang for my buck.

Floats !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF ?????????

[JAS]

I used to over inflate my blow up doll so i always got a bigger bang for my buck.

Floats !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF ?????????

Must be designed for those forumites living near rivers in England

Regards
JAS

[Hondo]

Bums would never look big in anything

Oprah would be selling raffle tickets at Arndale shopping Centre

Each TV station would run 24 hours sports on all channels

Beer goggles would be produced in contact-lense form for everyday use

Women would get compulsory surgery curing them of headaches for life

FHM and the Advertiser would merge for every-day reading pleasure

Krystal from BB would be Governor-General