Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby mal » Wed Feb 05, 2014 11:10 am

A nurse sat on my glasses and damaged them
Cant blame her though
I should have taken them off
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Thu Feb 06, 2014 9:22 am

First-time expectant mothers are notorious for showing up at hospital before they are truly in labor. One such mother telephoned the OB unit within the hour after being sent home.

"First-timers," sighed the charge nurse. "What does she want?"

The nurse who took the call replied, "The woman you sent home with false labor would like to know how to tie the false cord."
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby mal » Thu Feb 06, 2014 10:37 am

APPLE a day keeps Prostate cancer away ....
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Fri Feb 07, 2014 10:21 am

Nursing in 1903

The social status of the sick-nurse undergone many curious changes during the last twenty or thirty years. Thirty or so years ago a trained nurse was a rarity, and when sickness broke out in a family, the patient was usually nursed by a relative with the assistance of an old servant or a superannuated charwoman. Even in our large general hospitals the state of affairs was not very much better, and the nursing staff consisted chiefly of uneducated woman who, however well-intentioned, were practically untrained. They were in the main honest and trustworthy, the only serious charge that could be brought against them being that they were addicted to the use of spirits, and had a constant habit of sampling the patient's whisky or brandy.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby mal » Fri Feb 07, 2014 11:39 am

I was in hospital and received some shattering news
It was life threatening
I was in for observation
I got dressed and snuck out
Went to near by pub
Ordered a triple tequila and coke
The barman plonked it in front of me
I said to the Barman
" Mate I shouldn't be drinkin' this with with I got."
" Why what have you got ?"
" Forty cents."
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Sat Feb 08, 2014 9:52 am

Give me a sign.

Epilepsy Clinic - Seize the ---ay

Labor & Delivery Entrance - Push! Push! Push!
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby dedja » Sat Feb 08, 2014 8:33 pm

Nurse Jokes thread ... faark me dead
It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby nwdfanparade » Sun Feb 09, 2014 10:31 am

A guy says to his girlfriend, "let's play patient and nurse. I'll be the patient and you be the nurse"

She agreed and left him in the corridor for 3 days.
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby mal » Sun Feb 09, 2014 3:54 pm

Carrot was in a car accident
The carrot survived an operation in the Hospital
A Nurse consulted with the carrot
" I have good news and bad news"
" The good news is , your going to live,"
"The bad news is you will be a vegetable the rest of your life"
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Mon Feb 10, 2014 8:48 am

No other medicine by Gail Ghingha RN PhD

Titled after the quote "the miserable have no other medicine but hope," this book takes a harsh look at the corruption, ineptitude and downright cruelty that can take place in the medical profession. The author is a nurse herself, which helped her create a nice variety of fictional characters that are richly developed and true to live. While the story was written in the early '70s, many nurses will sadly recognize that many of the issues she addresses are still prevalent in hospitals across the nation. A riveting, compelling (though depressing) novel, it's a great read for anyone with a passion for health care and patient rights.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby mal » Mon Feb 10, 2014 9:45 pm

I once saved a Nurse's life
She was choking to death , so I stepped back 3 inches
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Tue Feb 11, 2014 12:32 pm

Alt. Careers for Nurses

Administrator - If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. You need to lose some IQ points first though.

Politician - They even do less than the administrators, but it is better way to pass around your half-naked pictures on Facebook.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Wed Feb 12, 2014 10:14 am

Quick Funnies

Nurse - We've seen you in the clinic a lot lately.
Patient - Yeah, I've had hard time bouncing back from my bungee cord accident.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Thu Feb 13, 2014 9:49 am

True Tale

A couple was about to go through in-vitro fertilization at our infertility clinic. The wife went out to the car to get something and began crying hysterically in the parking lot. The husband saw her and knew he had been "caught." He ran out so fast he ran right into the office door face-first, breaking his nose. We thought the wife had found evidence he cheated on her. Actually she had found his cigarettes after he told her he quit.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Fri Feb 14, 2014 10:20 am

On Valentine's Day remember: don't wear your white scrub pants if you are also wearing your heart print underwear!
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Sat Feb 15, 2014 10:01 am

Anatomy of a nurse

The acid in a human stomach is strong enough to dissolve zinc, and a new stomach lining is created every three to four days. Perhaps more often if you frequent the hospital cafeteria.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby dedja » Sat Feb 15, 2014 4:06 pm

Please stop, my sides are going to burst ...
It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Mon Feb 17, 2014 9:48 am

Unauthorized Medical Terms

FLK - Funny looking kid

FLP - Funny looking parents

DNKA - Did not keep appointment.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Tue Feb 18, 2014 10:32 am

The Art of the Chart

Doctor's orders - IV Haldol 2-4mg Q1h or until pt polite and nurse happy.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby Psyber » Tue Feb 18, 2014 3:47 pm

MightyEagles wrote:The Art of the Chart

Doctor's orders - IV Haldol 2-4mg Q1h or until pt polite and nurse happy.

That one is a bit of a worry given the risk of transient Parkinsonism, or even permanent Tardive Dyskinesia, from Haldol use.
You need a strong indication to run the risk, and that order would not be a good one to be brought up in Court.
EPIGENETICS - Lamarck was right!
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