so my friend at work is friend's with this guy who got cheated on the
> >other night... the girl wrote an apology email and he responded with
> >another email and then forwarded it on to like 100 people... pretty
> >funny stuff...
> >
> >ORIGINAL LETTER:
> >
> >
> >Brad,
> >
> >It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I
> >feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I
> >am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the
> >people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person
> >that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all
> >for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all
> >of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can
> >handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even
> >handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't
> >handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird,
> >I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The
> >world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me,
> >
> >there are songs I can't listen to, and I just ! feel beyond crushed. I
> >don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping
> >that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also
> >hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds
> >totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant
> >role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally
> >strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior
> >didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you
> >hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a
> >terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say
> >or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that
> >fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever
> >imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my
> >life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it.
> >
> >
> >I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you
> >won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for
> >getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at
> >your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be
> >great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel
> >like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it
> >was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I
> >really don't think I can handle that.
> >
> >I am so sorry.
> >
> >Elizabeth
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >RESPONSE:
> >
> >Dear Elizabeth,
> >
> >Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L"
> >for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less
> >about".
> >
> >You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting
> >to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load
> >of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 >
> >minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long
> >because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid
> >thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
> >
> >
> >To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
> >degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour
> >span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't ****
> >him" somehow gave you a clean slate.
> >
> >So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to
> >you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden
> >retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been
> >most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings
> >for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't
> >think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run
> >of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as
> >your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty
> >hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my
> >
> >place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up
> >tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning
> >commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for
> >a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that
> >when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on
> >top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh
> >our heads off about the time it happened.
> >
> >By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class
> >you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs
> >you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little
> >like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
> >
> >PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.
> >
> >
> >Talk to you never,
> >Brad
