Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Anything!

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Mon Mar 10, 2014 10:07 am

Novels for Nurses - The Thin White Line - Craig DiLouie

While the panic associated with avian and swine flu turned out to be overblown, the reality is that a pandemic illness could hit and wipe out entire communities at any time. This novel takes a look at the personal and political ramifications of what could and quite possibly would happen if such an epidemic were to hit Canada. A great read for any nurse with an interest in infectious disease.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Tue Mar 11, 2014 10:20 am

An elderly patient kept her sense of humor while she was in the hospital for a serious condition. She could only be fed intravenously, which isn't very pleasant at all. One day, she asked the nurse if she could have a couple of extra bottles of IV nutrition. The nurse asked, "Whatever for?"
She just giggles and said, "I'm having people over for lunch."
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Wed Mar 12, 2014 10:03 am

Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
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Posts: 11771
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:18 am

Quick funnies

Nurse 1 - You sound a little hoarse
Nurse 2 - Yeah, I feel a colt coming on.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
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Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Sat Mar 15, 2014 11:12 am

Would you drink or diagnose

Grande Red Eye?
Bilateral Pink Eye?
Frothy Misto?
Varicella Zoster?
Caramel Mocha?
Pericardial Effusion?
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Sat Mar 15, 2014 11:15 am

The Art of the Chart

Patient denies any rectal breeding.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Mon Mar 17, 2014 10:02 am

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures - Irish probverb
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
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Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Tue Mar 18, 2014 10:25 am

Unauthorized Medical Terms

GDFD: Got drunk fell down
NLOP: no longer our problem
WADAO: weak and dizzy all over.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Wed Mar 19, 2014 10:24 am

The new nurse was having trouble juggling work and family. She had two babies and got up early every morning, then worked late into the evening. She was always exhausted. One evening was particularly busy, tending to several patients. Thankfully, she had one patient in a coma with naso-gastric feeds, IV, and Foley catheter. All she had to do was turn him.

At 11:00 p.m. she heard a crash. The comatose patient was awake, on the floor, and covered in urine, faces, blood, and Foley, NG, and IVs. The nurse started to cry, leaned her head against the doorjamb, an said, "This is the WORST day of my life!" The poor man on the floor then looked up at her and said slowly, "Me too."
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Thu Mar 20, 2014 9:22 am

Lessons learned from patients

- Commercial cleaning products do not make good enemas or douches
- You might be able to out run a cup, but not his dog. And the dog's teeth are sharper.
- Don't iron naked.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Fri Mar 21, 2014 10:15 am

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful, as expectation of something better tomorrow.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Sat Mar 22, 2014 3:53 pm

Quick funnies
Nurse: There's an invisible man in the waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Mon Mar 24, 2014 10:15 am

Anytime you think you've seen the freakiest of the freaky someone always comes along who raises that freaky limit.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Tue Mar 25, 2014 10:43 am

When I think about all the patients and their loved ones tat I have worked with over the years, I know most of them don't remember me nor I them. But I o know that I gave a little piece of myself to each of them and they to me, and those threads make up the tapestry in my mind that is my career in nursing.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Wed Mar 26, 2014 9:34 am

Worst smells in the hospital

Alcohol swabs
Benzoin tincture
Tube feeds
Cafeteria food
TPN
Code Brown
Bile
Vascular wounds
C. Diff
GI bleeds
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Thu Mar 27, 2014 10:39 am

True tale

My eighteen-year-old patient was scheduled for surgery and was therefore NPO. I asked him if he knew what that meant. He said, "Sure do - Now Pissed Off!"
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Fri Mar 28, 2014 10:15 am

Nurses have come a long way in a few short decades. In the past our attention focused on physical, mental, and emotional healing. Now we talk of healing your life, healing the environment, and healing the planet.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Sun Mar 30, 2014 10:09 am

A young woman showed up to prenatal visit so excited she could hardly contain herself. She asked, "Is there anything special I should do since I'm carrying twins?"
Confused, the nurse asked, "What makes you think you're having twins? It's really too early for us to tell."
Ï must be," answered the patient. I bought the two-pack home pregnancy test, and both tests came out positive!"
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Mon Mar 31, 2014 10:47 am

Nursing is the hardest and easiest thing I've ever done.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Tue Apr 01, 2014 5:30 pm

LIfe's most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others?
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

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