SA Footy

A nurse sat on my glasses and damaged them
Cant blame her though
I should have taken them off

First-time expectant mothers are notorious for showing up at hospital before they are truly in labor. One such mother telephoned the OB unit within the hour after being sent home.

"First-timers," sighed the charge nurse. "What does she want?"

The nurse who took the call replied, "The woman you sent home with false labor would like to know how to tie the false cord."

APPLE a day keeps Prostate cancer away ....

Nursing in 1903

The social status of the sick-nurse undergone many curious changes during the last twenty or thirty years. Thirty or so years ago a trained nurse was a rarity, and when sickness broke out in a family, the patient was usually nursed by a relative with the assistance of an old servant or a superannuated charwoman. Even in our large general hospitals the state of affairs was not very much better, and the nursing staff consisted chiefly of uneducated woman who, however well-intentioned, were practically untrained. They were in the main honest and trustworthy, the only serious charge that could be brought against them being that they were addicted to the use of spirits, and had a constant habit of sampling the patient's whisky or brandy.

I was in hospital and received some shattering news
It was life threatening
I was in for observation
I got dressed and snuck out
Went to near by pub
Ordered a triple tequila and coke
The barman plonked it in front of me
I said to the Barman
" Mate I shouldn't be drinkin' this with with I got."
" Why what have you got ?"
" Forty cents."

Give me a sign.

Epilepsy Clinic - Seize the ---ay

Labor & Delivery Entrance - Push! Push! Push!

Nurse Jokes thread ... faark me dead

A guy says to his girlfriend, "let's play patient and nurse. I'll be the patient and you be the nurse"

She agreed and left him in the corridor for 3 days.

Carrot was in a car accident
The carrot survived an operation in the Hospital
A Nurse consulted with the carrot
" I have good news and bad news"
" The good news is , your going to live,"
"The bad news is you will be a vegetable the rest of your life"

No other medicine by Gail Ghingha RN PhD

Titled after the quote "the miserable have no other medicine but hope," this book takes a harsh look at the corruption, ineptitude and downright cruelty that can take place in the medical profession. The author is a nurse herself, which helped her create a nice variety of fictional characters that are richly developed and true to live. While the story was written in the early '70s, many nurses will sadly recognize that many of the issues she addresses are still prevalent in hospitals across the nation. A riveting, compelling (though depressing) novel, it's a great read for anyone with a passion for health care and patient rights.

I once saved a Nurse's life
She was choking to death , so I stepped back 3 inches

Alt. Careers for Nurses

Administrator - If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. You need to lose some IQ points first though.

Politician - They even do less than the administrators, but it is better way to pass around your half-naked pictures on Facebook.

Quick Funnies

Nurse - We've seen you in the clinic a lot lately.
Patient - Yeah, I've had hard time bouncing back from my bungee cord accident.

True Tale

A couple was about to go through in-vitro fertilization at our infertility clinic. The wife went out to the car to get something and began crying hysterically in the parking lot. The husband saw her and knew he had been "caught." He ran out so fast he ran right into the office door face-first, breaking his nose. We thought the wife had found evidence he cheated on her. Actually she had found his cigarettes after he told her he quit.

On Valentine's Day remember: don't wear your white scrub pants if you are also wearing your heart print underwear!

Anatomy of a nurse

The acid in a human stomach is strong enough to dissolve zinc, and a new stomach lining is created every three to four days. Perhaps more often if you frequent the hospital cafeteria.

Please stop, my sides are going to burst ...

Unauthorized Medical Terms

FLK - Funny looking kid

FLP - Funny looking parents

DNKA - Did not keep appointment.

The Art of the Chart

Doctor's orders - IV Haldol 2-4mg Q1h or until pt polite and nurse happy.

MightyEagles wrote:The Art of the Chart

Doctor's orders - IV Haldol 2-4mg Q1h or until pt polite and nurse happy.

That one is a bit of a worry given the risk of transient Parkinsonism, or even permanent Tardive Dyskinesia, from Haldol use.
You need a strong indication to run the risk, and that order would not be a good one to be brought up in Court.