Crap christmas cracker cracks

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Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby Pseudo » Fri Dec 23, 2011 7:19 pm

With the Christmas season upon us, each of us will be bursting any number of Xmas crackers over the next few days, and forced to suffer through the wearing of crap paper hats, discovering crap novelty items, and the reading of crap jokes.

Had festivus lunch at the pub today, and being near Xmas, each of us had a Christmas cracker.

The crap joke in mine:

Why did the mechanic sleep under the car?
Because he wanted to get up oily in the morning.


Please use this thread to share the crap jokes you get in your Christmas crackers. The more adventurous among you can take photos of the crap novelty items and post them here.

Bah. Humbug.
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby Sky Pilot » Sat Dec 24, 2011 11:53 am

We had this one at the office party last week
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis
I struggled to control myself
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby RustyCage » Sat Dec 24, 2011 12:02 pm

Sky Pilot wrote:We had this one at the office party last week
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis
I struggled to control myself


I actually laughed at that!
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby CK » Sat Dec 24, 2011 1:46 pm

That awful one on the Woollies ad a couple of years back...

What is the key to a good Christmas?
A tur-key.

I still hate that ad :D
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby DOC » Sat Dec 24, 2011 9:54 pm

How does a butcher introduce his wife?

Meat Patti
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby CoverKing » Sun Dec 25, 2011 12:41 am

pafc1870 wrote:
Sky Pilot wrote:We had this one at the office party last week
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis
I struggled to control myself


I actually laughed at that!


Once I got it I laughed :lol:
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby GirlPower74 » Sun Dec 25, 2011 3:01 pm

What did the martian say to the petrol pump?

Take your finger out of your ear when I'm talking to you.

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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby Columbo » Sun Dec 25, 2011 5:16 pm

Why do cows sit down when it rains?

To keep each udder dry! :lol:



What do you call a bear with no hair?

Fred Bear :lol: :lol:


Wocka Wocka Wocka....Merry Christmas All.
Trust the process.
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby Pseudo » Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:46 pm

Columbo wrote:Why do cows sit down when it rains?

To keep each udder dry! :lol:


Someone at my Xmas lunch got that one.

In my cracker:

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?
Because her pupils were so bright.

And this bonus trivia question:

How many tentacles does a squid have?
10.
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby Squids » Sun Dec 25, 2011 7:16 pm

Got a ripper

The guy gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: "I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate you!!!" So everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one person stays. The guy comes up to him and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!!!" And the other guy says; "No, I am not scared, I am e^x."



I knew studying maths would pay off eventually. :lol:
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby stampy » Sun Dec 25, 2011 8:07 pm

mate u deserve an engraved pen for xmas
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby gadj1976 » Mon Dec 26, 2011 8:36 pm

You'd be better off listing NON crap jokes

They're all rubbish. How people earn a living with this is beyond me.
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby Squids » Mon Dec 26, 2011 9:44 pm

They get a whole year to come up with the stuff as well.
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby gadj1976 » Mon Dec 26, 2011 9:49 pm

Squids wrote:They get a whole year to come up with the stuff as well.


obviously they get employed in October each month... get put under pressure to deliver and then get whisked away into the wilderness for another 12 months.
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby Pseudo » Fri Dec 25, 2020 2:07 pm

Q: What do you give a man who has everything?
A: Antibiotics.

#-o
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby RustyCage » Fri Dec 25, 2020 3:50 pm

Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing?

They always drop their needles
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby DOC » Fri Dec 25, 2020 8:12 pm

What chips do pilots like?

Plain.
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby Bum Crack » Sat Dec 26, 2020 9:23 am

What's green and sits at the bottom of the toilet?

Kermit the Bog.
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Re: Crap christmas cracker cracks

Postby daysofourlives » Sat Dec 26, 2020 10:25 am

why is 6 scared of 7?
because 7, 8, 9
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