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[locky801]

SA Features well this week

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 6/7/25
1. Port Lincoln, SA - Reality TV star and porn model allegedly beheads boyfriend and hides his head
2. Bega, NSW - Pervert avoids prison sentence for rooting pony
3. Port Augusta, SA - Maniac jailed for biting off bloke’s ear outside pub
4. Alice Springs, NT - Women groped by feral kids during sexual assault awareness run; menace allegedly assaults female, assaults witness, gets run over by unmarked cop car and taken to hospital, escapes hospital
5. Cooma, NSW - Deadshits steal wheel from firefighting trailer
6. Palmerston, NT - Gronk allegedly steals trailer, breaks down, threatens trailer owner with machete to get a jump start
7. Wollongong, NSW - Pervert caught wanking in rock pool while filming swimmers
8. Toowoomba, QLD - Convicted turtle smuggler beaks into house to poison fish tanks in dispute over baby stingray sale
9. Grafton, NSW - Gronk charged with stealing $100k worth of cattle jizz
10. Port Pirie, SA - Drongo gets car impounded after doing burnout in front of cops; still shit

[locky801]

And for this weeks edition

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 13/7/25
1. Leongatha, VIC - Gronkess found guilty of murdering inlaws with poisonous mushrooms
2. Ballarat, VIC - Rock spider beaten up and robbed by 14-year-old girl after meeting her for sex
3. Pilton, QLD - Zoo employee loses arm after being mauled by big cat
4. Bundaberg, QLD - Gronk sparks hazmat emergency by smoking meth and lighting fire in hospital toilet
5. Sydney, NSW - **** walks into pet shop and swallows live fish
6. Canberra, ACT - Dickhead steals (GPS-tracked) community defibrillator
7. Brisbane, QLD - Drongo steals 53 right shoes from shoe shop
8. Geelong, VIC - Gronk allegedly infiltrates police HQ by claiming to be CIA
9. Tara, QLD - Drongo busted drink-driving, drives home drunk from police station and gets busted again
10. Mildura, VIC - Teen vandal released on good behaviour bond, immediately vandalises Corrections property
11. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit

[Armchair expert]

They discuss how to get back into the top 10 at council meetings.

[locky801]

That time of the week again, been a quiet week in SA

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 20/7/25
1. Sydney, NSW - Dipshit arsonist sets own pants on fire while firebombing beauty clinic; Frenchman bowled over by cop car speeding to brawl
2. Hobart, TAS - Psycho stabs bloke because he wouldn’t give him a ciggie; gronks steal electrical cables powering streetlights
3. Townsville, QLD - 4 cop cars rammed by 12-year-old kids in stolen car; couple hurl stubbies at staff during pub robbery; creep wanks outside strangers’ houses while trying to open their doors
4. Nowra, NSW - Maniac allegedly chucks axe at cops before hijacking woman’s car and running her over
5. Newcastle, NSW - 10-year-old robs servo at knifepoint for 2 bottles of milk
6. Cairns, QLD - 300 gronks brawl in street after State of Origin
7. Melbourne, VIC - Dumbarse hit by unmarked cop car after jumping out of stolen van following 7-hour police chase; cop stood down after allegedly using public CCTV to spy on ex-girlfriend
8. Canberra, ACT - Gronk strips naked in hotel lobby then tries to break into marked cop car
9. Gold Coast, QLD - Tourists’ clothes stolen from laundromat dryer while they assist with car crash
10. Beaconsfield, TAS - Gronkess breaks into police station, steals police jacket and hat
11. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit

[locky801]

And for this weeks headlines

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 27/7/25
1. Sydney, NSW - Police employee charged after cashier drenched in milk during supermarket brawl; gronk charged after driving around fake Chinese police car full of weapons; police thugs plead guilty to beating up naked schizophrenic woman, alleged shoe thief hospitalised after jumping over railing and falling 6m
2. Campbelltown, NSW - Dirtbag on dirt bike flees after hitting 9-year-old girl
3. Bundaberg, QLD - Deadshits steal pair of vehicles from rural fire brigade
4. Inverell, NSW - Brother and sister aged 12 and 13 allegedly steal car and ram cops
5. Melbourne, VIC - Menace caught after allegedly stealing $14k worth of beer in 6 months (2 slabs a day); drongo caught driving car with no bonnet and plastic garden chair for driver’s seat
6. Bathurst, NSW - Prison guard breaks arm in brawl between inmates and visitors
7. Portland, VIC - Nutcase allegedly sets fire to hospital, police station and her own house
8. Burnie, TAS - Gronk accused of impersonating doctor to deal drugs
9. Albany, WA - Drongo done for drink-driving after being caught with open beer on car roof while 7 times over limit
10. Mount Gambier, SA - Shit town spends $136k on a blue blob
11. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit

[dedja]

[DOC]

Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell. "No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was George Bush with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go".......

[locky801]

And the best from this weeks idiot files

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 3/8/25
1. Gold Coast, QLD - Sewer main blocked after drongo tradie accidentally fills shit pipe with concrete; maniac rips street sign out of ground and rams it into windscreen of parked car; ex-nurse fined for wanking in van in car park; pervert sentenced after flashing women and girls while wearing adult diaper with ‘Piss on me’ written on it
2. Darwin, NT - 15-year-old charged after teen stabbed at Royal Show
3. Northam, WA - FIFO **** jailed for spraying chilli extract in Bunnings
4. Alice Springs, NT - Pest in fluffy robe, slippers and no pants seen chasing woman down road while wanking
5. Sydney, NSW - Gronk leads cops on wild chase in hijacked Woolworths truck full of customers’ orders; P-plater caught speeding at up to 215 km/h three times in one day
6. Adelaide, SA - Meth head jailed after causing $7m in damage to research centre by flooding it with fire hydrants while wearing only undies and clutching knives, hours after being released from watch house
7. Perth, WA - Dickhead Uber driver charged after allegedly kicking over female supermarket worker while collecting food
8. Melbourne, VIC - Drongo arrested after falling asleep in allegedly stolen car in Macca’s car park while being followed by cops; nail salon ram-raided by ute with ‘Pay your tick you fat dog’ sprayed on it
9. Curtis Island, QLD - 18 gronks charged after illegal holiday shack found in national park
10. Mount Gambier, SA - Blue blob statue adorned with blue dildo
11. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit