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[locky801]

SA Features well this week

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 6/7/25
1. Port Lincoln, SA - Reality TV star and porn model allegedly beheads boyfriend and hides his head
2. Bega, NSW - Pervert avoids prison sentence for rooting pony
3. Port Augusta, SA - Maniac jailed for biting off bloke’s ear outside pub
4. Alice Springs, NT - Women groped by feral kids during sexual assault awareness run; menace allegedly assaults female, assaults witness, gets run over by unmarked cop car and taken to hospital, escapes hospital
5. Cooma, NSW - Deadshits steal wheel from firefighting trailer
6. Palmerston, NT - Gronk allegedly steals trailer, breaks down, threatens trailer owner with machete to get a jump start
7. Wollongong, NSW - Pervert caught wanking in rock pool while filming swimmers
8. Toowoomba, QLD - Convicted turtle smuggler beaks into house to poison fish tanks in dispute over baby stingray sale
9. Grafton, NSW - Gronk charged with stealing $100k worth of cattle jizz
10. Port Pirie, SA - Drongo gets car impounded after doing burnout in front of cops; still shit

[locky801]

And for this weeks edition

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 13/7/25
1. Leongatha, VIC - Gronkess found guilty of murdering inlaws with poisonous mushrooms
2. Ballarat, VIC - Rock spider beaten up and robbed by 14-year-old girl after meeting her for sex
3. Pilton, QLD - Zoo employee loses arm after being mauled by big cat
4. Bundaberg, QLD - Gronk sparks hazmat emergency by smoking meth and lighting fire in hospital toilet
5. Sydney, NSW - **** walks into pet shop and swallows live fish
6. Canberra, ACT - Dickhead steals (GPS-tracked) community defibrillator
7. Brisbane, QLD - Drongo steals 53 right shoes from shoe shop
8. Geelong, VIC - Gronk allegedly infiltrates police HQ by claiming to be CIA
9. Tara, QLD - Drongo busted drink-driving, drives home drunk from police station and gets busted again
10. Mildura, VIC - Teen vandal released on good behaviour bond, immediately vandalises Corrections property
11. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit

[Armchair expert]

They discuss how to get back into the top 10 at council meetings.

[locky801]

That time of the week again, been a quiet week in SA

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 20/7/25
1. Sydney, NSW - Dipshit arsonist sets own pants on fire while firebombing beauty clinic; Frenchman bowled over by cop car speeding to brawl
2. Hobart, TAS - Psycho stabs bloke because he wouldn’t give him a ciggie; gronks steal electrical cables powering streetlights
3. Townsville, QLD - 4 cop cars rammed by 12-year-old kids in stolen car; couple hurl stubbies at staff during pub robbery; creep wanks outside strangers’ houses while trying to open their doors
4. Nowra, NSW - Maniac allegedly chucks axe at cops before hijacking woman’s car and running her over
5. Newcastle, NSW - 10-year-old robs servo at knifepoint for 2 bottles of milk
6. Cairns, QLD - 300 gronks brawl in street after State of Origin
7. Melbourne, VIC - Dumbarse hit by unmarked cop car after jumping out of stolen van following 7-hour police chase; cop stood down after allegedly using public CCTV to spy on ex-girlfriend
8. Canberra, ACT - Gronk strips naked in hotel lobby then tries to break into marked cop car
9. Gold Coast, QLD - Tourists’ clothes stolen from laundromat dryer while they assist with car crash
10. Beaconsfield, TAS - Gronkess breaks into police station, steals police jacket and hat
11. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit