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[locky801]

SA Features well this week

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 6/7/25
1. Port Lincoln, SA - Reality TV star and porn model allegedly beheads boyfriend and hides his head
2. Bega, NSW - Pervert avoids prison sentence for rooting pony
3. Port Augusta, SA - Maniac jailed for biting off bloke’s ear outside pub
4. Alice Springs, NT - Women groped by feral kids during sexual assault awareness run; menace allegedly assaults female, assaults witness, gets run over by unmarked cop car and taken to hospital, escapes hospital
5. Cooma, NSW - Deadshits steal wheel from firefighting trailer
6. Palmerston, NT - Gronk allegedly steals trailer, breaks down, threatens trailer owner with machete to get a jump start
7. Wollongong, NSW - Pervert caught wanking in rock pool while filming swimmers
8. Toowoomba, QLD - Convicted turtle smuggler beaks into house to poison fish tanks in dispute over baby stingray sale
9. Grafton, NSW - Gronk charged with stealing $100k worth of cattle jizz
10. Port Pirie, SA - Drongo gets car impounded after doing burnout in front of cops; still shit

[locky801]

And for this weeks edition

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 13/7/25
1. Leongatha, VIC - Gronkess found guilty of murdering inlaws with poisonous mushrooms
2. Ballarat, VIC - Rock spider beaten up and robbed by 14-year-old girl after meeting her for sex
3. Pilton, QLD - Zoo employee loses arm after being mauled by big cat
4. Bundaberg, QLD - Gronk sparks hazmat emergency by smoking meth and lighting fire in hospital toilet
5. Sydney, NSW - **** walks into pet shop and swallows live fish
6. Canberra, ACT - Dickhead steals (GPS-tracked) community defibrillator
7. Brisbane, QLD - Drongo steals 53 right shoes from shoe shop
8. Geelong, VIC - Gronk allegedly infiltrates police HQ by claiming to be CIA
9. Tara, QLD - Drongo busted drink-driving, drives home drunk from police station and gets busted again
10. Mildura, VIC - Teen vandal released on good behaviour bond, immediately vandalises Corrections property
11. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit

[Armchair expert]

They discuss how to get back into the top 10 at council meetings.

[locky801]

That time of the week again, been a quiet week in SA

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 20/7/25
1. Sydney, NSW - Dipshit arsonist sets own pants on fire while firebombing beauty clinic; Frenchman bowled over by cop car speeding to brawl
2. Hobart, TAS - Psycho stabs bloke because he wouldn’t give him a ciggie; gronks steal electrical cables powering streetlights
3. Townsville, QLD - 4 cop cars rammed by 12-year-old kids in stolen car; couple hurl stubbies at staff during pub robbery; creep wanks outside strangers’ houses while trying to open their doors
4. Nowra, NSW - Maniac allegedly chucks axe at cops before hijacking woman’s car and running her over
5. Newcastle, NSW - 10-year-old robs servo at knifepoint for 2 bottles of milk
6. Cairns, QLD - 300 gronks brawl in street after State of Origin
7. Melbourne, VIC - Dumbarse hit by unmarked cop car after jumping out of stolen van following 7-hour police chase; cop stood down after allegedly using public CCTV to spy on ex-girlfriend
8. Canberra, ACT - Gronk strips naked in hotel lobby then tries to break into marked cop car
9. Gold Coast, QLD - Tourists’ clothes stolen from laundromat dryer while they assist with car crash
10. Beaconsfield, TAS - Gronkess breaks into police station, steals police jacket and hat
11. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit

[locky801]

And for this weeks headlines

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 27/7/25
1. Sydney, NSW - Police employee charged after cashier drenched in milk during supermarket brawl; gronk charged after driving around fake Chinese police car full of weapons; police thugs plead guilty to beating up naked schizophrenic woman, alleged shoe thief hospitalised after jumping over railing and falling 6m
2. Campbelltown, NSW - Dirtbag on dirt bike flees after hitting 9-year-old girl
3. Bundaberg, QLD - Deadshits steal pair of vehicles from rural fire brigade
4. Inverell, NSW - Brother and sister aged 12 and 13 allegedly steal car and ram cops
5. Melbourne, VIC - Menace caught after allegedly stealing $14k worth of beer in 6 months (2 slabs a day); drongo caught driving car with no bonnet and plastic garden chair for driver’s seat
6. Bathurst, NSW - Prison guard breaks arm in brawl between inmates and visitors
7. Portland, VIC - Nutcase allegedly sets fire to hospital, police station and her own house
8. Burnie, TAS - Gronk accused of impersonating doctor to deal drugs
9. Albany, WA - Drongo done for drink-driving after being caught with open beer on car roof while 7 times over limit
10. Mount Gambier, SA - Shit town spends $136k on a blue blob
11. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit

[dedja]

[DOC]

Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell. "No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was George Bush with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go".......

[locky801]

And the best from this weeks idiot files

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 3/8/25
1. Gold Coast, QLD - Sewer main blocked after drongo tradie accidentally fills shit pipe with concrete; maniac rips street sign out of ground and rams it into windscreen of parked car; ex-nurse fined for wanking in van in car park; pervert sentenced after flashing women and girls while wearing adult diaper with ‘Piss on me’ written on it
2. Darwin, NT - 15-year-old charged after teen stabbed at Royal Show
3. Northam, WA - FIFO **** jailed for spraying chilli extract in Bunnings
4. Alice Springs, NT - Pest in fluffy robe, slippers and no pants seen chasing woman down road while wanking
5. Sydney, NSW - Gronk leads cops on wild chase in hijacked Woolworths truck full of customers’ orders; P-plater caught speeding at up to 215 km/h three times in one day
6. Adelaide, SA - Meth head jailed after causing $7m in damage to research centre by flooding it with fire hydrants while wearing only undies and clutching knives, hours after being released from watch house
7. Perth, WA - Dickhead Uber driver charged after allegedly kicking over female supermarket worker while collecting food
8. Melbourne, VIC - Drongo arrested after falling asleep in allegedly stolen car in Macca’s car park while being followed by cops; nail salon ram-raided by ute with ‘Pay your tick you fat dog’ sprayed on it
9. Curtis Island, QLD - 18 gronks charged after illegal holiday shack found in national park
10. Mount Gambier, SA - Blue blob statue adorned with blue dildo
11. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit

[locky801]

That time of the week again, AE wil be happy, something happened in Port Pirie

HIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 10/8/25
1. Glenorchy, TAS - Feral teens bailed after allegedly bashing man at shopping centre and giving him brain bleed
2. Gold Coast, QLD - 6-year-old finds meat cleaver in kids’ play centre
3. Geelong, VIC - Bloke hospitalised after allegedly being smacked with spirit level in TAFE classroom
4. Alice Springs, NT - Cop car rammed by stolen tourist’s car crammed with 11 feral teens
5. Mossman, QLD - Serial public tugger caught wanking outside Woolies weeks after release from prison
6. Melbourne, VIC - Footy match abandoned after brawl between players and spectators; pest sentenced after years of faking seizures to get strangers to sit on him; suspended P-plater with outstanding warrant charged after parking in disabled parking space outside police station
7. Shellharbour, NSW - Woman hits sister with car in argument over can of creaming soda
8. Adelaide, SA - Paranoid meth head tries to set servo on fire
9. Victor Harbor, SA - Gronkess gets suspended sentence after guzzling entire cask of wine and crashing into cop car
10. Port Pirie, SA - Kid gets stuck in claw machine; still shit

[locky801]

Been quiet times in S.A. this week, however here is this weeks rivetting edition

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 17/8/25
1. Sydney, NSW - 6 blokes hospitalised after allegedly being stabbed by group of feral 14 to 15-year-olds
2. Redlands, QLD - Acupuncturist couple jailed after tricking patient into having sex with them for the ‘health benefits’
3. Tennant Creek, NT - Old man allegedly bashed and robbed by pack of feral girls
4. Melbourne, VIC - Masked neo-Nazis march to protest about their tiny little penises, allegedly assault bystander
5. Townsville, QLD - **** beats up Macca’s worker over refund dispute; serial sex pest jailed for wanking in public park
6. Broken Hill, NSW - Dumbarse carjacker fought off by 89-year-old great-grandma with broken leg
7. Perth, WA - Prisoners on supervised work program at animal shelter allegedly steal and eat guinea pigs
8. Logan, QLD - Crowd bombarded by malfunctioning fireworks at carnival
9. Ballarat, VIC - Gronk wearing cardboard box as disguise steals $40k worth of copper wiring from housing development
10. Kalgoorlie, WA - Drongoess fined after firing slingshot at women in front of police station and hitting officer’s car
11. Port Pirie, SA - Evidently Still shit

[locky801]

Such a wonderful society in some places

This weeks losers of Australia

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 24/8/25
1. Gold Coast, QLD - Bloke paralysed after being thrown off balcony and bashed in Facebook Marketplace dispute
2. Halls Creek, WA - Deadshits steal car and caravan and run over elderly owner
3. Launceston, TAS - 14-year-old and 20-year-old arrested after taxi driver stabbed and robbed; gronk sets mattress on fire in hospital room
4. Alice Springs, NT - 7 feral girls aged 11-15 arrested after women assaulted
5. Perth, WA - Couple allegedly live in old lady’s vacant house for 15 years without anyone noticing
6. Sydney, NSW - Tobacco shop uses Labubu kids’ toy to promote vapes
7. Albury, NSW - Gronk threatens to stab housemate for having sex too loudly
8. Kalgoorlie, WA - Woman accused of biting cops tells court she has no teeth
9. Tyabb, VIC - Female footy player hits opponent, gets red card, flips off and moons opposition coaches
10. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit but improving

[locky801]

This weeks exciting updates of Drongos in Australia

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 31/8/25
1. Sydney, NSW - Alleged knife-wielding robber jumps off 5th-storey balcony while fleeing cops, won’t be doing that again
2. Tennant Creek, NT - Gang of 20 gronkettes break into house and beat up occupants
3. Redlands, QLD - Fu--ing idiot firebombs tobacconist, accidentally sets own car on fire, flees in burning car, crashes into tree
4. Wodonga, VIC - Drongo robs house, returns to have a shower, gets bashed by occupant
5. Launceston, TAS - Tasmaniac leads cops on chase across northern Tassie in stolen tipper truck with blown tyres
6. Hamilton, VIC - Hooligan steals gun from hunting store and tries to use it to hijack cars
7. Townsville, QLD - Gronk threatens woman with hammer after being confronted while pissing outside McDonald’s
8. Scottsdale, TAS - Drongo has car clamped after doing burnout in intersection while driving in front of police car
9. Brisbane, QLD - MP who reckons immigrants are violent threatens to punch journalist in the mouth for mentioning his immigrant heritage
10. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit but improving

[locky801]

A lovely society we live in

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 7/9/25
1. Melbourne, VIC - Neo-Nazis trash First Nations camp and assault women after marching to protest about having tiny little penises
2. Mortlake, VIC - Psycho randomly stabs pub patron in the face with butter knife
3. Perth, WA - Gronk drives ute through shopping centre before breaking into pub and pouring himself a beer
4. Dicky Beach, QLD - 6 feral teens charged after shopkeeper bashed outside IGA
5. Bundaberg, QLD - One-legged menace sentenced for stalking and harassing neighbours, including using karaoke machine to sing rude songs about them
6. Townsville, QLD - Funeral home’s cremation machine leaks into neighbour’s yard, killing grass
7. Gold Coast, QLD - Drongo accidentally leads cops to his massive weed operation after falsely reporting his car stolen in attempted insurance scam
8. Alice Springs, NT - Drunk gronk arrested after kicking in doors of police station
9. Sydney, NSW - Footy player most famous for sticking finger up men’s bumholes posts homophobic slurs on social media
10. Port Pirie, SA - Still improving but very slowly, still shit