by mal » Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:42 pm
by Strawb » Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:56 pm
mal wrote:I saved my sister in laws life last week
She was choking to death , so I stepped back three inches
by mal » Tue Apr 30, 2013 9:01 pm
Strawb wrote:After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'
To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'
by Strawb » Sun May 12, 2013 10:31 pm
by mal » Mon May 13, 2013 9:10 am
Strawb wrote:Kid comes home from school. He's in grade 4. Says dad dad won the rithmatic contest today. Got all the way up to 9. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9. That's my boy, born and bred in Collingwood. Next day kid comes home and says, dad dad won the alfabet contest today, got all the way up to J for Joffa without a mistake. That's my boy, born and bred in Collingwood. Next day he comes home and says dad, when we were getting changed before footy training today, I noticed all the other kids had little ones and I had a big one. Well son, you are 18.
by Strawb » Mon May 13, 2013 7:34 pm
by The Dark Knight » Mon May 13, 2013 7:38 pm
by Strawb » Mon May 13, 2013 9:06 pm
by mal » Tue May 14, 2013 1:56 pm
by Strawb » Tue May 14, 2013 6:06 pm
by Strawb » Wed May 15, 2013 8:33 pm
by Mythical Creature » Fri May 17, 2013 2:54 pm
by wristwatcher » Fri May 17, 2013 3:17 pm
by Mythical Creature » Fri May 17, 2013 3:23 pm
by Baron Greenback » Tue May 21, 2013 9:53 am
mal wrote:A young woman was on top of the MCG roof
She was trying to get the nerve to jump off
Across and nearby was a Collingwood supporter and he said:
" If ya gunna kill yourself, if you dont mind , how bout a root. ?"
The woman replied :
"No way, get f...ked , f..k off."
The Collingwood supporter turns to move away and replies "
" No problems luv, I'll just go and wait at the bottom then."
by tipper » Tue May 21, 2013 10:36 am
by mal » Wed May 22, 2013 9:50 am
by tipper » Thu May 23, 2013 11:31 am
by Strawb » Thu May 23, 2013 2:34 pm
tipper wrote:Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. he walks over and asks Paul whats wrong
"well", replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that i wanted to ask out, but i got an erection every time i saw her?"
"Yes" replies Jeff with a laugh
"well", says Paul, straightening up, "i finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed"
"Thats great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her earlier this evening", continues Paul" but i was worried id get an erection again, so i got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if i did it wouldnt show"
"sensible" says Jeff
"So i get to her door" says Paul, "and i rang her doorbell, she answered in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw"
"and then what happened?" asked Jeff
Paul slumps back over the bar again "I kicked her in the face..."
by Strawb » Fri May 24, 2013 5:58 pm
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