by morell » Wed Jun 13, 2018 11:36 am
So apparently I need to get out more according to beige_liquid, which coming from a man who repeatedly professes his obsession over a yeast based beverage, I do find strange. You don’t see others calling themselves breakfeast_cereal and then ensuring their lives revolved around cornflakes and weetbix. But whatever, I like beigey so I’ll play along and start contributing more detail from my social life.
I am also a massive fan of Anthony Bordain. If there was a celebrity who I think I would most like to be, it would’ve been him. So in his honour, here is a typically acerbic and overly wordy review of a restaurant.
Bai Long Store
Once all the jokes had been made in terribly typical slightly racist ocker Aussie version of an Chinese accent, myself, the missus and some friends of ours entered into the bottom of the Channel 10 building on Hutt Street to try the new hip Modern Asian restaurant, Bai Long Store. I’ve always found the term “Modern Asian” a little confusing, as in, Asia is a ******* big place man! Is it sashimi from the fresh fish of the Tokyo markets? Is it a delicate Masaman Curry from Phuket? Maybe some meat on a stick from the Islamic quarters of Xi’an? Usually it’s just fancy Chinese food. This was no exception.
Once seated, I noted just how god damn noisy it was. I hate that. Dinner with friends is meant to exacerbate conversation, not inhibit it. I struggled to hear what others were saying and ended up death glaring at the young 20-somethings on the table next to us who obviously thought it was a nightclub and were that busy instagramming their dishes they forgot to actually eat them. Anyway, the décor was simple but classy, plain white tables with one side of comfy chairs the others - not so. Usually the feminine halves get the comfy side, but not this time, old mate James staking a claim for rebuking toxic masculinity and insisting on a cushion.
Menus were simple and easy to understand. Also not too large which is a pleasant surprise from having to use a number to delineate your dish in your cheaper type Asian restaurants. The waitress with her subtle tattoos and caked on makeup was polite but rehearsed explained that the mains are on the right and entrees on the left. I pondered why they didn’t just have a title which showed that. Anyway, once that was done I had settled on a starter of crispy chicken with a main of ribs followed by a dessert called “The Garden” or something. Then, the dreaded option was raised that made ones blood curdle.
“Shall we just pick a few things and share?”
“**** no, we shall ******* not!” Was what went through my head. I had my choices, I was looking forward to it and I wanted all of it. Sure, slice of a bit if you’re keen on a nibble, but 1/6thing my dishes was not something I wanted to partake in. Let alone swapping some of my beef ribs for some vegetarian tofu or garden salad. But of course being the decorum ninja that I am, a polite smile and small nod was made and we ordered the aforementioned dishes plus the prawns with a fruit salsa and black noodle, San choi bao (lettuce burritos) the soft pork belly with kimchi and the highlight of the night – the Lamb cutlets cooked in water with a Banana chilli. They were absolutely beautifully cooked, delicate yet quite sizeable for a cutlet.
Dessert came out and it looked like something George, Matt and the other bloke would ooohh and ahhh over on ChefMasters. It honestly looked like a garden in a glass with little mushrooms and plants in dirt. Quite the picture. But, the mousse was a bit bland, I didn’t notice any of the passionfruit curd and it wasn’t sweet enough for my decidedly huge sweet tooth. Others might enjoy the subtlety more.
We paid up and it came to about $70/pp which wasn’t too bad all things considered, but at the end of the day, other than the lamb, I reckon your local favourite Chinese place (mine is Gin Ling) would do just as good a job as most of the dishes for half the price and a quarter of the pretentiousness.
Off to the Havelock afterwards for a night cap – what has happened to this place? It used to be full of glamours and footballers. Now it’s pretty much dead! Then the long drive home to Meadows where a sneaky cup of Madura with a row of Picnic Cadbury Chocolate was enjoyed.
morell’s rating – 3 beige liquids out of 5