Are you ok?

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Are you ok?

Postby woodublieve12 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 2:06 pm

I wasn't sure where to put this. But considering this site is majority men, i feel this deserves it own thread. This doesn't have to be a discussion board. But if you choose too, feel free to do so and don't ever feel you are being judged regardless how small or big the issue is. This is a safe place!

I watched this yesterday and i broke down after seeing this. I could relate a lot to what Wayne was saying regarding his struggles! i need to work harder personally, I need to make time for myself and most of all i need to speak up more... But i don't wanna be silent anymore, and neither should you! The safooty community has taught me that help is every where and something i will be grateful for life! It's helped me...

Mods, do as you wish with this, but i feel this didn't belong in a specific page.

"Fellas, it’s OK to be in pain. It’s OK to hurt. It’s OK to be sad. It’s no longer OK to suffer in silence."


Speak to someone if needed!!!

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"Fellas, it’s OK to be in pain. It’s OK to hurt. It’s OK to be sad. It’s no longer OK to suffer in silence."
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby JK » Thu Sep 19, 2019 2:22 pm

'Good onya mate - Never know which outlet just might help someone in need some day. Im sure FC and any other lasses would be well and truly welcomed aswell if they ever needed an ear. Well played Wubbs
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby gadj1976 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 2:51 pm

Please please don't take this the wrong way, this is a genuine question. How many times can you ask someone if they're ok before they don't take it serious - and how do you keep the message relevant?

Recently I heard that either Dunstall or someone close to Frawley 'stopped asking' because he felt like it was bordering on badgering (my words, not his).
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby woodublieve12 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 2:57 pm

gadj1976 wrote:Please please don't take this the wrong way, this is a genuine question. How many times can you ask someone if they're ok before they don't take it serious - and how do you keep the message relevant?

Recently I heard that either Dunstall or someone close to Frawley 'stopped asking' because he felt like it was bordering on badgering (my words, not his).


Not at all taken the wrong way....

I don't know the answer to that question mate... I personally wouldn't stop! But maybe approach it a different way
"Fellas, it’s OK to be in pain. It’s OK to hurt. It’s OK to be sad. It’s no longer OK to suffer in silence."
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby The Bedge » Thu Sep 19, 2019 2:58 pm

Just personal belief - and someone whose managed having depression for most my life, but asking "Are you ok?" is more often than not a closed question that doesn't really help - those really struggling, or who dont like to open up are just going to tell you everything is fine or similar and that's that.

Need to ask people questions that make them give a bit more of an answer.
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby woodublieve12 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 3:01 pm

The Bedge wrote:Just personal belief - and someone whose managed having depression for most my life, but asking "Are you ok?" is more often than not a closed question that doesn't really help - those really struggling, or who dont like to open up are just going to tell you everything is fine or similar and that's that.

Need to ask people questions that make them give a bit more of an answer.


Couldn't agree more...
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby gadj1976 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 3:09 pm

The Bedge wrote:Just personal belief - and someone whose managed having depression for most my life, but asking "Are you ok?" is more often than not a closed question that doesn't really help - those really struggling, or who dont like to open up are just going to tell you everything is fine or similar and that's that.

Need to ask people questions that make them give a bit more of an answer.


I think that's answered my question Bedge. Cheers bud.

I must admit, when I was going through a rough trot if someone asked me repeatedly if I was ok or "what's wrong" I would get even more introverted and angrier and repeal from society even more.
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby Lightning McQueen » Thu Sep 19, 2019 3:31 pm

gadj1976 wrote:
I think that's answered my question Bedge. Cheers bud.

I must admit, when I was going through a rough trot if someone asked me repeatedly if I was ok or "what's wrong" I would get even more introverted and angrier and repeal from society even more.

Exactly, I don't think we need an "RUOK" Day, I think it's more of a piss-take as everyone goes around asking everyone followed by a rye giggle.

If you are of genuine belief that someone isn't ok, don't ask them, just be there for them, make them laugh, tell them something good about themselves, talk about something you know they'll like to talk about, then they are more likely to elaborate on any issues they have.

I was in a dark place last Thursday and the last thing I wanted was a string of people asking if I was ok, especially when they knew that I wasn't.
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby gadj1976 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 3:39 pm

Lightning McQueen wrote:
gadj1976 wrote:
I think that's answered my question Bedge. Cheers bud.

I must admit, when I was going through a rough trot if someone asked me repeatedly if I was ok or "what's wrong" I would get even more introverted and angrier and repeal from society even more.

Exactly, I don't think we need an "RUOK" Day, I think it's more of a piss-take as everyone goes around asking everyone followed by a rye giggle.

If you are of genuine belief that someone isn't ok, don't ask them, just be there for them, make them laugh, tell them something good about themselves, talk about something you know they'll like to talk about, then they are more likely to elaborate on any issues they have.

I was in a dark place last Thursday and the last thing I wanted was a string of people asking if I was ok, especially when they knew that I wasn't.


That's interesting because when I was at a low point - I'm not now - I first heard about RUOK day (through a mate of mine who lost a counterpart to suicide) and thought it was a bit of a gimmick. I certainly didn't take it seriously. I get 'why' it was developed and I do think it raises the profile of depression and suicide but I did think it was gimmicky at the time. Now I can appreciate it more I still wonder if it misses the mark for those who are struggling. I do think like Bedge said, changing the question and as you say, being there is more appropriate.
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby woodublieve12 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:03 pm

I don't think it's about the question, but the discussion around it....
"Fellas, it’s OK to be in pain. It’s OK to hurt. It’s OK to be sad. It’s no longer OK to suffer in silence."
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby Lightning McQueen » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:03 pm

gadj1976 wrote:
Lightning McQueen wrote:
gadj1976 wrote:
I think that's answered my question Bedge. Cheers bud.

I must admit, when I was going through a rough trot if someone asked me repeatedly if I was ok or "what's wrong" I would get even more introverted and angrier and repeal from society even more.

Exactly, I don't think we need an "RUOK" Day, I think it's more of a piss-take as everyone goes around asking everyone followed by a rye giggle.

If you are of genuine belief that someone isn't ok, don't ask them, just be there for them, make them laugh, tell them something good about themselves, talk about something you know they'll like to talk about, then they are more likely to elaborate on any issues they have.

I was in a dark place last Thursday and the last thing I wanted was a string of people asking if I was ok, especially when they knew that I wasn't.


That's interesting because when I was at a low point - I'm not now - I first heard about RUOK day (through a mate of mine who lost a counterpart to suicide) and thought it was a bit of a gimmick. I certainly didn't take it seriously. I get 'why' it was developed and I do think it raises the profile of depression and suicide but I did think it was gimmicky at the time. Now I can appreciate it more I still wonder if it misses the mark for those who are struggling. I do think like Bedge said, changing the question and as you say, being there is more appropriate.


My point being that every day you should be aware of those around you and their behavioural patterns, it's not hard to work out if someone isn't running on all cylinders and it's not that hard to work out if it's a short term or long term issue.

I may be a clown, a dickhead and a nuisance at times but I'm the first one to find time to get a colleague alone and gain their trust to open up to me and give them the support they need at the level that they are comfortable with.

I'd rather be told that it's none of my business than to have thought that I could've made more of a an effort.
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby Lightning McQueen » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:06 pm

woodublieve12 wrote:I don't think it's about the question, but the discussion around it....

It's a little too direct and less that 1% of people are going to reply with "No", despite what's going on in their head.

And then there's the awkwardness of them answering "No", and the person asking wasn't expecting it.
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby woodublieve12 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:10 pm

Lightning McQueen wrote:
woodublieve12 wrote:I don't think it's about the question, but the discussion around it....

It's a little too direct and less that 1% of people are going to reply with "No", despite what's going on in their head.

And then there's the awkwardness of them answering "No", and the person asking wasn't expecting it.


couldn't agree more...

I've been asked the same question countless times and repeatedly said "yes".... Me not talking up and being stubborn and pushing everything away was a contributing issues to my marriage failing, Gee it took for my world to fall apart to speak to someone...
people i've spoken to about the issues ive had are genuinely shocked because of how i act...

I just used the heading for this group, because of obvious reasons, happy to change it
"Fellas, it’s OK to be in pain. It’s OK to hurt. It’s OK to be sad. It’s no longer OK to suffer in silence."
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby Booney » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:18 pm

The Bedge wrote:Just personal belief - and someone whose managed having depression for most my life, but asking "Are you ok?" is more often than not a closed question that doesn't really help - those really struggling, or who dont like to open up are just going to tell you everything is fine or similar and that's that.

Need to ask people questions that make them give a bit more of an answer.


A mate was looking a bit down recently, I'd asked if he was ok, he said he was, I took it to the next step by explaining to him how I was viewing him at that point, how I had seen changes, how I had noticed he wasn't his normal self. It got him to open up more than just "You alright mate?".
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby The Bedge » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:26 pm

Booney wrote:A mate was looking a bit down recently, I'd asked if he was ok, he said he was, I took it to the next step by explaining to him how I was viewing him at that point, how I had seen changes, how I had noticed he wasn't his normal self. It got him to open up more than just "You alright mate?".

Brilliant.

Too many would stop at just asking the question and accept the reply even if they had their doubts over hte authenticy of it.
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby Lightning McQueen » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:42 pm

woodublieve12 wrote:
Lightning McQueen wrote:
woodublieve12 wrote:I don't think it's about the question, but the discussion around it....

It's a little too direct and less that 1% of people are going to reply with "No", despite what's going on in their head.

And then there's the awkwardness of them answering "No", and the person asking wasn't expecting it.


couldn't agree more...

I've been asked the same question countless times and repeatedly said "yes".... Me not talking up and being stubborn and pushing everything away was a contributing issues to my marriage failing, Gee it took for my world to fall apart to speak to someone...
people i've spoken to about the issues ive had are genuinely shocked because of how i act...

I just used the heading for this group, because of obvious reasons, happy to change it

The title creates the discussion, it is fine and fitting.
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby gadj1976 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 8:47 pm

Lightning McQueen wrote:
gadj1976 wrote:
Lightning McQueen wrote:
gadj1976 wrote:
I think that's answered my question Bedge. Cheers bud.

I must admit, when I was going through a rough trot if someone asked me repeatedly if I was ok or "what's wrong" I would get even more introverted and angrier and repeal from society even more.

Exactly, I don't think we need an "RUOK" Day, I think it's more of a piss-take as everyone goes around asking everyone followed by a rye giggle.

If you are of genuine belief that someone isn't ok, don't ask them, just be there for them, make them laugh, tell them something good about themselves, talk about something you know they'll like to talk about, then they are more likely to elaborate on any issues they have.

I was in a dark place last Thursday and the last thing I wanted was a string of people asking if I was ok, especially when they knew that I wasn't.


That's interesting because when I was at a low point - I'm not now - I first heard about RUOK day (through a mate of mine who lost a counterpart to suicide) and thought it was a bit of a gimmick. I certainly didn't take it seriously. I get 'why' it was developed and I do think it raises the profile of depression and suicide but I did think it was gimmicky at the time. Now I can appreciate it more I still wonder if it misses the mark for those who are struggling. I do think like Bedge said, changing the question and as you say, being there is more appropriate.


My point being that every day you should be aware of those around you and their behavioural patterns, it's not hard to work out if someone isn't running on all cylinders and it's not that hard to work out if it's a short term or long term issue.

I may be a clown, a dickhead and a nuisance at times but I'm the first one to find time to get a colleague alone and gain their trust to open up to me and give them the support they need at the level that they are comfortable with.

I'd rather be told that it's none of my business than to have thought that I could've made more of a an effort.


I agree but for some, like me, I'm not around my mates on a regular basis. One mate, yes but others are infrequent due to family responsibilities which make it more difficult to work out if they're 'ok' or not. Email or the odd phone call or text message could be passed over.

I'd be devastated if one of my mates were struggling and I didn't know.
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby Dutchy » Thu Sep 19, 2019 8:47 pm

That was one of the most powerful and important messages I have ever heard.
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby whufc » Fri Sep 20, 2019 7:45 am

The Bedge wrote:Just personal belief - and someone whose managed having depression for most my life, but asking "Are you ok?" is more often than not a closed question that doesn't really help - those really struggling, or who dont like to open up are just going to tell you everything is fine or similar and that's that.

Need to ask people questions that make them give a bit more of an answer.


Absolutely!

Whilst the simple R U Ok is a good starting point if you really want a person to open up you need a lot more depth to the opener.

Questions such as 'hey, you know that we are good mates, I've been a little bit worried lately because I have noticed...…………………………………………………………………………... r u ok.

By telling them what you are worried about or what you have noticed will open up the conversation for them to respond to the exact concern you have. Once you open the conversation up like that you have more chance of the conversation containing more depth than simply saying r u ok, to a yeah im fine response.
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Re: Are you ok?

Postby whufc » Fri Sep 20, 2019 7:51 am

For anyone who has family/friends they are concerned about I would highly recommend doing a 'Mental Health First Aid Course' it will be one of the best $250 investments you will ever make.

The sessions really assist with how to open the conversations up and how to make sure that the person you are talking to is confident to disclose to you.

You will end up with a wealth of knowledge of what professional services exist out there and how to best help someone approach professional help.

Definitely a must do if you really want to help someone and need to feel more confident.
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