Warning: Sad Story but very important message for Parents wi

[Lunchcutter]

teenagers


Megan Meier (13) hung herself in her closet after becoming the victim of cyber-bullying
Published: Nov 15, 2007 @ 1:23 PM
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warning regarding cyber bullying
Megan Meier (13)

Date: Oct 17, 2006
Cause of Death: Suicide
Location: St Louis, Missouri
URL: go to their myspace
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His name was Josh Evans. He was 16 years old. And he was hot.

"Mom! Mom! Mom! Look at him!" Tina Meier recalls her daughter saying.

Josh had contacted Megan Meier through her MySpace page and wanted to be added as a friend.

Yes, he's cute, Tina Meier told her daughter. "Do you know who he is?"

"No, but look at him! He's hot! Please, please, can I add him?"


Mom said yes. And for six weeks Megan and Josh - under Tina's watchful eye - became acquainted in the virtual world of MySpace.

Josh said he was born in Florida and recently had moved to O'Fallon. He was homeschooled. He played the guitar and drums.

He was from a broken home: "when i was 7 my dad left me and my mom and my older brother and my newborn brother 3 boys god i know poor mom yeah she had such a hard time when we were younger finding work to pay for us after he loeft."

As for 13-year-old Megan, of Dardenne Prairie, this is how she expressed who she was:

M is for Modern

E is for Enthusiastic

G is for Goofy

A is for Alluring

N is for Neglected.

She loved swimming, boating, fishing, dogs, rap music and boys. But her life had not always been easy, her mother says.

She was heavy and for years had tried to lose weight. She had attention deficit disorder and battled depression. Back in third grade she had talked about suicide, Tina says, and ever since had seen a therapist.

But things were going exceptionally well. She had shed 20 pounds, getting down to 175. She was 5 foot 5½ inches tall.

She had just started eighth grade at a new school, Immaculate Conception, in Dardenne Prairie, where she was on the volleyball team. She had attended Fort Zumwalt public schools before that.

Amid all these positives, Tina says, her daughter decided to end a friendship with a girlfriend who lived down the street from them. The girls had spent much of seventh grade alternating between being friends and, the next day, not being friends, Tina says.

Part of the reason for Megan's rosy outlook was Josh, Tina says. After school, Megan would rush to the computer.

"Megan had a lifelong struggle with weight and self-esteem," Tina says. "And now she finally had a boy who she thought really thought she was pretty."

It did seem odd, Tina says, that Josh never asked for Megan's phone number. And when Megan asked for his, she says, Josh said he didn't have a cell and his mother did not yet have a landline.

And then on Sunday, Oct. 15, 2006, Megan received a puzzling and disturbing message from Josh. Tina recalls that it said: "I don't know if I want to be friends with you anymore because I've heard that you are not very nice to your friends."

Frantic, Megan shot back: "What are you talking about?"

SHADOWY CYBERSPACE

Tina Meier was wary of the cyber-world of MySpace and its 70 million users. People are not always who they say they are.

Tina knew firsthand. Megan and the girl down the block, the former friend, once had created a fake MySpace account, using the photo of a good-looking girl as a way to talk to boys online, Tina says. When Tina found out, she ended Megan's access.

MySpace has rules. A lot of them. There are nine pages of terms and conditions. The long list of prohibited content includes sexual material. And users must be at least 14.

"Are you joking?" Tina asks. "There are fifth-grade girls who have MySpace accounts."

As for sexual content, Tina says, most parents have no clue how much there is. And Megan wasn't 14 when she opened her account. To join, you are asked your age but there is no check. The accounts are free.

As Megan's 14th birthday approached, she pleaded for her mom to give her another chance on MySpace, and Tina relented.

She told Megan she would be all over this account, monitoring it. Megan didn't always make good choices because of her ADD, Tina says. And this time, Megan's page would be set to private and only Mom and Dad would have the password.

'GOD-AWFUL FEELING'

Monday, Oct. 16, 2006, was a rainy, bleak day. At school, Megan had handed out invitations to her upcoming birthday party and when she got home she asked her mother to log on to MySpace to see if Josh had responded.

Why did he suddenly think she was mean? Who had he been talking to?

Tina signed on. But she was in a hurry. She had to take her younger daughter, Allison, to the orthodontist.

Before Tina could get out the door it was clear Megan was upset. Josh still was sending troubling messages. And he apparently had shared some of Megan's messages with others.

Tina recalled telling Megan to sign off.

"I will Mom," Megan said. "Let me finish up."

Tina was pressed for time. She had to go. But once at the orthodontist's office she called Megan: Did you sign off?

"No, Mom. They are all being so mean to me."

"You are not listening to me, Megan! Sign off, now!"

Fifteen minutes later, Megan called her mother. By now Megan was in tears.

"They are posting bulletins about me." A bulletin is like a survey. "Megan Meier is a slut. Megan Meier is fat."

Megan was sobbing hysterically. Tina was furious that she had not signed off.

Once Tina returned home she rushed into the basement where the computer was. Tina was shocked at the vulgar language her daughter was firing back at people.

"I am so aggravated at you for doing this!" she told Megan.

Megan ran from the computer and left, but not without first telling Tina, "You're supposed to be my mom! You're supposed to be on my side!"

On the stairway leading to her second-story bedroom, Megan ran into her father, Ron.

"I grabbed her as she tried to go by," Ron says. "She told me that some kids were saying horrible stuff about her and she didn't understand why. I told her it's OK. I told her that they obviously don't know her. And that it would be fine."

Megan went to her room and Ron went downstairs to the kitchen, where he and Tina talked about what had happened, the MySpace account, and made dinner.

Twenty minutes later, Tina suddenly froze in mid-sentence.

"I had this God-awful feeling and I ran up into her room and she had hung herself in the closet."

Megan Taylor Meier died the next day, three weeks before her 14th birthday.

Later that day, Ron opened his daughter's MySpace account and viewed what he believes to be the final message Megan saw - one the FBI would be unable to retrieve from the hard drive.

It was from Josh and, according to Ron's best recollection, it said, "Everybody in O'Fallon knows how you are. You are a bad person and everybody hates you. Have a shitty rest of your life. The world would be a better place without you."

BEYOND GRIEF INTO FURY

Tina and Ron saw a grief counselor. Tina went to a couple of Parents After Loss of Suicide meetings, as well.

They tried to message Josh Evans, to let him know the deadly power of mean words. But his MySpace account had been deleted.

The day after Megan's death, they went down the street to comfort the family of the girl who had once been Megan's friend. They let the girl and her family know that although she and Megan had their ups and down, Megan valued her friendship.

They also attended the girl's birthday party, although Ron had to leave when it came time to sing "Happy Birthday." The Meiers went to the father's 50th birthday celebration. In addition, the Meiers stored a foosball table, a Christmas gift, for that family.

Six weeks after Megan died, on a Saturday morning, a neighbor down the street, a different neighbor, one they didn't know well, called and insisted that they meet that morning at a counselor's office in northern O'Fallon.

The woman would not provide details. Ron and Tina went. Their grief counselor was there. As well as a counselor from Fort Zumwalt West Middle School.

The neighbor from down the street, a single mom with a daughter the same age as Megan, informed the Meiers that Josh Evans never existed.

She told the Meiers that Josh Evans was created by adults, a family on their block. These adults, she told the Meiers, were the parents of Megan's former girlfriend, the one with whom she had a falling out. These were the people who'd asked the Meiers to store their foosball table.

The single mother, for this story, requested that her name not be used. She said her daughter, who had carpooled with the family that was involved in creating the phony MySpace account, had the password to the Josh Evans account and had sent one message - the one Megan received (and later retrieved off the hard drive) the night before she took her life.

"She had been encouraged to join in the joke," the single mother said.

The single mother said her daughter feels the guilt of not saying something sooner and for writing that message. Her daughter didn't speak out sooner because she'd known the other family for years and thought that what they were doing must be OK because, after all, they were trusted adults.

On the night the ambulance came for Megan, the single mother said, before it left the Meiers' house her daughter received a call. It was the woman behind the creation of the Josh Evans account. She had called to tell the girl that something had happened to Megan and advised the girl not to mention the MySpace account.

AX AND SLEDGEHAMMER

The Meiers went home and tore into the foosball table.

Tina used an ax and Ron a sledgehammer. They put the pieces in Ron's pickup and dumped them in their neighbor's driveway. Tina spray painted "Merry Christmas" on the box.

According to Tina, Megan had gone on vacations with this family. They knew how she struggled with depression, that she took medication.

"I know that they did not physically come up to our house and tie a belt around her neck," Tina says. "But when adults are involved and continue to screw with a 13-year-old - with or without mental problems - it is absolutely vile.

"She wanted to get Megan to feel like she was liked by a boy and let everyone know this was a false MySpace and have everyone laugh at her.

"I don't feel their intentions were for her to kill herself. But that's how it ended."

'GAINING MEGAN'S CONFIDENCE'

That same day, the family down the street tried to talk to the Meiers. Ron asked friends to convince them to leave before he physically harmed them.

In a letter dated Nov. 30, 2006, the family tells Ron and Tina, "We are sorry for the extreme pain you are going through and can only imagine how difficult it must be. We have every compassion for you and your family."

The Suburban Journals have decided not to name the family out of consideration for their teenage daughter.

The mother declined comment.

"I have been advised not to give out any information and I apologize for that," she says. "I would love to sit here and talk to you about it but I can't."

She was informed that without her direct comment the newspaper would rely heavily on the police report she filed with the St. Charles County Sheriff's Department regarding the destroyed foosball table.

"I will tell you that the police report is totally wrong," the mother said. "We have worked on getting that changed. I would just be very careful about what you write."

Lt. Craig McGuire, spokesman for the sheriff's department, said he is unaware of anyone contacting the department to alter the report.

"We stand behind the report as written," McGuire says. "There was no supplement to it. What is in the report is what we believe she told us."

The police report - without using the mother's name - states:

"(She) stated in the months leading up Meier's daughter's suicide, she instigated and monitored a 'my space' account which was created for the sole purpose of communicating with Meier's daughter.

"(She) said she, with the help of temporary employee named ------ constructed a profile of 'good looking' male on 'my space' in order to 'find out what Megan (Meier's daughter) was saying on-line' about her daughter. (She) explained the communication between the fake male profile and Megan was aimed at gaining Megan's confidence and finding out what Megan felt about her daughter and other people.

"(She) stated she, her daughter and (the temporary employee) all typed, read and monitored the communication between the fake male profile and Megan …..

"According to (her) 'somehow' other 'my space' users were able to access the fake male profile and Megan found out she had been duped. (She) stated she knew 'arguments' had broken out between Megan and others on 'my space.' (She) felt this incident contributed to Megan's suicide, but she did not feel 'as guilty' because at the funeral she found out 'Megan had tried to commit suicide before.'"

Tina says her daughter died thinking Josh was real and that she never before attempted suicide.

"She was the happiest she had ever been in her life," Ron says.

After years of wearing braces, Megan was scheduled to have them removed the day she died. And she was looking forward to her birthday party.

"She and her mom went shopping and bought a new dress," Ron says. "She wanted to make this grand entrance with me carrying her down the stairs. I never got to see her in that dress until the funeral."

NO CRIMINAL CHARGES

It does not appear that there will be criminal charges filed in connection with Megan's death.

"We did not have a charge to fit it," McGuire says. "I don't know that anybody can sit down and say, 'This is why this young girl took her life.'"

The Meiers say the matter also was investigated by the FBI, which analyzed the family computer and conducted interviews. Ron said a stumbling block is that the FBI was unable to retrieve the electronic messages from Megan's final day, including that final message that only Ron saw.

The Meiers do not plan to file a civil lawsuit. Here's what they want: They want the law changed, state or federal, so that what happened to Megan - at the hands of an adult - is a crime.

THE AFTERMATH IS PAIN

The Meiers are divorcing. Ron says Tina was as vigilant as a parent could be in monitoring Megan on MySpace. Yet she blames herself.

"I have this awful, horrible guilt and this I can never change," she said. "Ever."

Ron struggles daily with the loss of a daughter who, no matter how low she felt, tried to make others laugh and feel a little bit better.

He has difficulty maintaining focus and has kept his job as a tool and die maker through the grace and understanding of his employer, he says. His emotions remain jagged, on edge.

Christine Buckles lives in the same Waterford Crossing subdivision. In her view, everyone in the subdivision knows of Megan's death, but few know of the other family's involvement.

Tina says she and Ron have dissuaded angry friends and family members from vandalizing the other home for one, and only one, reason.

"The police will think we did it," Tina says.

Ron faces a misdemeanor charge of property damage. He is accused of driving his truck across the lawn of the family down the street, doing $1,000 in damage, in March. A security camera the neighbors installed on their home allegedly caught him.

It was Tina, a real estate agent, who helped the other family purchase their home on the same block 2½ years ago.

"I just wish they would go away, move," Ron says.

Vicki Dunn, Tina's aunt, last month placed signs in and near the neighborhood on the anniversary of Megan's death.

They read: "Justice for Megan Meier," "Call the St. Charles County Prosecuting Attorney," and "MySpace Impersonator in Your Neighborhood."

On the window outside Megan's room is an ornamental angel that Ron turns on almost every night. Inside are pictures of boys, posters of Usher, Beyonce and on the dresser a tube of instant bronzer.

"She was all about getting a tan," Ron says.

He has placed the doors back on the closet. Megan had them off.

If only she had waited, talked to someone, or just made it to dinner, then through the evening, and then on to the beginning of a new day in what could have been a remarkable life.

If she had, he says, there is no doubt she would have chosen to live. Instead, there is so much pain.

"She never would have wanted to see her parents divorce," Ron says.

Ultimately, it was Megan's choice to do what she did, he says. "But it was like someone handed her a loaded gun."
Related Article(s): A real person, A real death

Ref: http://www.mydeathspace.com

[rod_rooster]

Horrible story. What an awful world we live in at times.

[Pup]

Terrible story. Really makes you think what goes through kids minds at that age. (Me Included, obviously not to that extent)

[RustyCage]

Terrible story. Really makes you think what goes through kids minds at that age. (Me Included, obviously not to that extent)

Nothing to do with a kid, it was the friends mum who did it.

[RustyCage]

Megan Meier Police Reports

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1120072megan1.html

[Aerie]

A horrific story - very sad. The parents who made up the fake myspace profile should be criminally charged. Scum of the earth. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

[Lunchcutter]

A horrific story - very sad. The parents who made up the fake myspace profile should be criminally charged. Scum of the earth. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

i think that's the problem Aerie, there is no law in place so as yet there is no criminal charges (this happened a year ago, but I think it is close to laws being passed - her parents have been on a mission to achieve this in memory of their daughter)

[TroyGFC]

Very chilling story, parents out there need to keep a very watchful eye while children on-line and always have computer in a common area eg.lounge never in a bedroom.

[JAS]

Bad enough that the technology we all enjoy and rely on so much has taken playground bullying between kids beyond the schoolyard but to hear of adults doing that to a child is sickening. Just hope that the adults responsible never, ever learn to live with what they did.

Regards
JAS

[bayman]

spot on jas, although perhaps 'the mother' is not smart enough to have guilt because she acted like a 2 year old (figuratively speaking)

[Wedgie]

Am I the only one who puts more blame on the deceased's parents?

[Psyber]

Just keep your kids away from computers until they are 18. It would be good for them to learn to write, spell, and do arithmetic without a machine anyway.

[bayman]

Am I the only one who puts more blame on the deceased's parents?

i don't know about being the only one, but the way i look at it (presuming what we've read above is correct) is if the mother of the on again off again friend didn't create the fictional character the young lady would still be with us

[JAS]

Just keep your kids away from computers until they are 18. It would be good for them to learn to write, spell, and do arithmetic without a machine anyway.

Unfortunately these days that would only work if you were Amish or something similar. Keeping a kid away from computers now would probably incite even more bullying or create a lawsuit for a breech of human rights given that almost all governments want all kids to have access to them.

Regards
JAS

[Psyber]

Just keep your kids away from computers until they are 18. It would be good for them to learn to write, spell, and do arithmetic without a machine anyway.

Unfortunately these days that would only work if you were Amish or something similar. Keeping a kid away from computers now would probably incite even more bullying or create a lawsuit for a breech of human rights given that almost all governments want all kids to have access to them.
Regards
JAS

True, no government, or political party supporting industry, wants kids to grow up thinking they can do without these things, or to develop independence as a way of life. And conformity was always a big part of the blossoming independence of adolescence!

In Oz there are still places you would struggle to get the Internet and certainly to get broadband. But Telstra and the government will get it to the 96% who live on the coastal strips near the major cities soon. Here in the outer eastern suburbs of Melbourne I've only been able to get Broadband since 2004 and 8Mb/sec is the best avaialble - if you are close enough to the exchange. The technology is here but the economics are not attractive where population density is low.

Seriously, if I had young kids I'd consider moving to the bush.

[smac]

Seriously, if I had young kids I'd consider moving to the bush.

Sounds like the lazy option, Psyber. I much prefer to actively parent my kids and I'm confident they'll both appreciate and reap the benefits of it.

[Hondo]

Am I the only one who puts more blame on the deceased's parents?

i don't know about being the only one, but the way i look at it (presuming what we've read above is correct) is if the mother of the on again off again friend didn't create the fictional character the young lady would still be with us

Yes, it seems the parents are guilty of letting her onto Myspace but at least it was being done with consent and some attempt at control - most 13 year olds would be on there without their parent's knowing.

Depression seems a complex and difficult to understand illness, I think its hard to find 'blame' in a suicide situation. If not MySpace it could have been something else at some other time. Very, very sad.

After I left school, I bumped into a guy I went to school with who was bullied in year 8 and 9 and he told me how traumatic it was to the point he was taking sleeping pills on a Sunday night (with his parent's consent). When I saw him he had become a qualified engineer prob earning 3 times as much now as some of those 13 year old heroes way back then. Peer pressure, fitting in, first love, bullying it is a very tough stage of life and if you are suffering depression at the same time then it would be a nightmare.

[Psyber]

Seriously, if I had young kids I'd consider moving to the bush.

Sounds like the lazy option, Psyber. I much prefer to actively parent my kids and I'm confident they'll both appreciate and reap the benefits of it.

I'd support active parenting too, but for my kids I'd want every edge including keeping them away from negative influences as much as possible until they were more mature. The problem is that TV and the Internet are being accepted as baby-sitters, and very young children are learning to see what is on them as the real world, and then peer pressure passes it on and reinforces it. I think the current social set up "grows up" kids too fast then infantilises young adults and delays real maturity.

I think Hans Eysenck got it right in "Sex, Violence, and the Media" may years ago.

[Hondo]

Psyber what about the higher rates of depression suffered by people in the bush?

If someone is pre-disposed to suffering from depression then shielding them from 'harmful' influences may not help at all or, at best, delay the problems until they eventually face the real world. Altho, as you say, hopefully by an older age they may be better equipped to deal with its challenges. But is 18 that much different to 14??

[Psyber]

Psyber what about the higher rates of depression suffered by people in the bush?

If someone is pre-disposed to suffering from depression then shielding them from 'harmful' influences may not help at all or, at best, delay the problems until they eventually face the real world. Altho, as you say, hopefully by an older age they may be better equipped to deal with its challenges. But is 18 that much different to 14??

There are two factors to consider there:

1. Genetic predisposition - about 50% of the depression in the community is genetically mediated - that is there are a couple of identified genetic factors determining predisposition, although it is possible to have the gene but not become depressed - just be more vulnerable.

2. Social factors - for example the grinding hard work and poverty on farms which don't pay much for a lot of work with the constant threat of losing the lot hanging over you. [If milk goes up 50 cents a litre you can bet the dairy farmer will be lucky to see a cent of it.] Isolation is a factor in itself, and so is the inaccessability of treatment it contributes to. Drinking at the local sporting clubs and pubs as your only relaxation doesn't help either - alcohol, like Valium, and Heroin, is a relaxant and relieves anxiety in the short-term, but the cumulative effect is to increase depression.

Maturity comes at different ages, and intelligence and training are factors that may influence it. I think it is coming later now due to changes in education style and shorter concentration spans in the young, and because they are encouraged by the advertising to be hedonistic rather than responsible and considering of outcomes. The Psychologist Piaget said adolescence lasts till 25. As you proably know from experience and observation some kids are 14 going on 40, and some sports identites are 30 going on 13.