BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[mal]

[*]BEST JOKES

I'm starting a thread as I love hearing a great joke.

One of my favourites.
--------------------------

The doctor calls in Jack with some good news and bad news.
" Give us the bad news first doc."
" I'm sorry Jack but you have cancer and you only have about 2 weeks to live."
" Shit doc what's the good news then."
" Come over look here, see my secretary that petite women with
that tight little mini skirt."
" Yeah."
" With those lovely firm boobs."
" Oh yeah oh yeah."
" The one that's smiling over here now."
" Yes doc tell me the good news quick quick."
" I'm rooting her Jack."


Looking forward to hearing a few more guys.

[duncs7]

I thought u said it was a great joke??

[mal]

Duncs 7

It's the thought that counts.
Apologies if you found it offensive.

[duncs7]

nah, i didnt find it offensive. It was just a crap joke! Good on ya 4 tryin though.

What do u do if a bird shits on your car?



Dont ask her out again!

[mal]

DUNCS 7

Nice cryptic response [crap joke/ bird shits ....]

I gave your joke a 7 rating.

I will try again.

Why can't blondes dial 911 ?
Because they can't find the 11.


What's the difference between Cholesterol and Fat?
Have you ever woken up with a Cholesterol !

[JK]

LMAO .. That first one actually hit me on the funnybone .. Nice one!

[duncs7]

What's the difference between Cholesterol and Fat?
Have you ever woken up with a Cholesterol !

Thats the spirt, your getting better. I like that one. Ive woken up with FAT a few times! Ive just rolled over and been like

[duncs7]

A nun, a gorilla, and Santa Claus walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

A little girl says to her mum: "is god black or white?"
mum says: "both."
the little girl asks: "is god a man or a woman?"
Mum says: "Both."The little girl pauses a moment, looking mildly confused, then her face is lit with sudden comprehension and she says: "Ohhh! God is Michael Jackson!"

[Booney]

When it comes to women I look for inner beauty.

If its in'er BEAUTY!

[Footy Chick]

When it comes to women I look for inner beauty.

If its in'er BEAUTY!

****FC laughs sooooo hard that she cant think of any smart arse return reply****

[mal]

BOONEY DUNCS7

BOONEY the inner joke was a classic RATING 8.5

DUNCS7 the Jacko joke was very good RATING 7.5

my turn

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalogue!

[panther]

I gotta joke for everybody

Why do pinball machines tilt?

So would you if you had 3 balls.!

[ORDoubleBlues]

As told by Rodney Rude.......

What do P*****rs and bungie jumpers have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're both in the shit.

[mal]

RATINGS FOR PANTHER AND OR DOUBLEBLUES

PANTHER 8 very funny had a giggle

D/blues 7 good pass mark

more please.

[ORDoubleBlues]

Coopers have just released a beer called the Van Nguyen..................
but it only comes in longnecks.

[Booney]

Ivan Milat drives into the forrest with a couple of hitchhikers,the first hitchhiker says,"Wow,its a bit scary in here hey?".

Milat says"How do you think I feel,I have to drive out of here on my own!"

[mal]

RATINGS

ORDOUBLEBLUES re coopers joke 7

BOONIE re milat joke 7.5

Boonie how did yours get past the 3rd umpire
Im sure the Moderators looked at it.
But I liked it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Booney]

I am a moderator Mal,I hope I haven't crossed the line.............

[mal]

BOONIE

The Milat joke is now an 8 rating SIR.

[blink]

A man was driving to work in Melbourne one day, and comes across a massive traffic jam. After 10 or so frustrating minutes, he notices a bloke going from car to car, talking to each of the drivers. Eventually he reaches the man’s car, and motions him to wind down his window, and the man says “Do you know what is causing the hold up?”
The bloke going from car to car replies “Eddie McGuire is up the road a bit further on, and he is in a bad way. He is having trouble coping with the move to Sydney, Carla wants a big house near Bondi, and he can’t afford the multi-million dollar price tag. He also says he can’t handle the pressures of running Collingwood and being the boss of Nine. So, he is standing in the middle of the road threatening to douse himself in petrol, and set himself on fire!”
The man in the car says “That’s horrible, is there anything I can do to help?”
The bloke replies “Well, as a matter of fact, I am going from car to car taking up a collection to give to Eddie.”
The man says “That’s a great idea, how much have you got already?”
The other bloke tells him, “Oh, about 15 litres”.