Little Johnny Jokes.

[Strawb]

I was thinking about how many different little Johnny jokes that I know and what everyone else knows. Now i know most of them a blue in humour and some black but i thought how about we put them on here censor them if one has to and we will see how many we all know.

[mal]

Little Johnny put his hand up in class and asked the teacher.
" Miss i wanna go for a piss."
" Johnny its not piss its urinate, now Johnny give me a sentence with the word urinate in it."
Little Johnny pondered for a moment then replied.
" OK miss youre an eight but if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten."

[Dogsbody]

Little Johnny was in a park one day playing with a bottle. The local priest walked past, also carrying a bottle, and asked Johnny what was in the bottle. "Kerosene," says Johnny.

"Kerosene?" says the priest. "Don't you know that kerosene is dangerous? I'll swap you for this bottle of holy water."

"No way." says Johnny. "Come on, this is good holy water." The priest said. "Last week I rubbed this on a lady's tummy and she passed a baby."

"That's nothing," said Johnny. "Yesterday I rubbed this stuff on a cat's bum and it passed a Ferrari!"

[Strawb]

Little Johnny is in class and the teacher asks "does any one know a three syllable word?"
With that Johnny sticks his hand up and says "Mas-ter-bate."
The teacher replies "thats quite a mouthful Johnny."
To which Johnny Replies " Miss you are thinking about a blow job i am talking about a wank."

[wishiwas]

Little Johnny came home from school one day, and as he walk passed the bathroom, he noticed his grandma having a shower. Being an intriuging little mite, little Johnny said to his grandma, "what's that Grandma"? Grandma responded with, "that's my possum Johnny". Satisfied, little Johnny went about his business.
The next day, Little Johhny comes home from school, and as he walks past the bathroom, he notices his mum having a shower. Once again, being the intruiging little bugger that he is, Johnny says to his mum, "what's that mum"? To which his mum replied, "that's my possum Johnny".
Little Johhny had a strange look on his face. He says to his mum, "Grandma's got one of those, but I think it's dead". To which his mum responds, "why do you say that Johhny"? And little Johhny replied, "cos it's tongue was hanging out".

[blink]

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mummy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for dinner time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story.

Johnny started his story about the car going into the woods, the undressing, Aunt Jane laying down on the back seat.
Then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away last week."

[blink]

Johnny & his father were playing in the garden. Johnny's father smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his Johnny was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about him seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly he just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to Johnny to see what work of God had captured his attention. He noticed he was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" Johnny asked.
"They're mating," his father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top?" he asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," his father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mummy Longlegs?" little Johnny asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No son, both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
Johnny looks slightly puzzled for a second, then lifts his foot and crushes the two spiders dead.
"Well, we're not having any of that gay shit in our garden"

[Rik E Boy]

LJ (how slack is that LOL) was sitting in class one day and they were doing spelling. The teacher then asks a member of the class to spell out what they had for breakfast. LJ puts his hand up and spells out..

'F-U-C-K A-L-L. I had **** all for breakfast miss'

'LITTLE JOHNNY!!' she yells and sends the little scrote into timeout for a little while.

Later on in the day, the class is doing Georgraphy. By this time LJ is back amongst the general population once more. 'Now class' says Teacher 'Can anyone tell me where the Victorian Border is'. LJ puts up his and hand and yells out..

'The Victorian Boarder is in bed with Mum. That's why I had **** all for breakfast'.

regards,

REB

[mal]

REB I liked yours the best .

LJ asked the teacher one day.
"Miss why do pinball machines tilt?"
I don't know LJ so tell me why do pinball machines tilt ?"
"Miss you would to if you had 3 balls."
----------------------------------------------------------------

The teacher singled out LJ one day and asked.
"LJ can you give me a word starting with A."
" Arsehole."
LJ that was uncalled for, now try again a word starting with B."
" Barstad."
" LJ your wearing my patience young man."
The teacher decided to skip the letter C for obvious reasons.
" LJ can you give me a word starting with C please."
" Dwarf."
" Excellent LJ what made you pick dwarf?"
" Because a dwarf is a little c..t "
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dont forget the Best Jokes in the Entertainmenr forum . cheers.

[Strawb]

Little Johnny went to visit his grandmother one day. He played with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting.
He looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.
I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She startedadjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the doorand there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?" The little boy replied,"Yeah, but
she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.

[the tractor]

LJ was asked for a word with 3 syllables "Contagess, Con-ta-gess" he replied
The teacher then asked him to put it in a sentance.
" Well miss, the other day we saw a big truck that had rolled over spilling oranges all over the road and my dad said "Its going to take that Contagess to pick up all those oranges"!!!