An old man, Mal, was living the last of his life in a Nursing home.
One day he seemed to be very sad and depressed .
Nurse 1980TM asked if there was anything wrong.
"Yes, Nurse 1980TM," said Mal, "My penis died today, and I am very sad."
Knowing his patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, he replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mal, please accept my condolences."
The following day, Mal was walking down the hall with his penis hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse 1980TM.
"Mal," he said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like this. Please put your penis back inside your pajamas."
"But, Nurse 1980TM," replied Mal, "I told you yesterday that my penis died."
"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" asked Nurse 1980TM.
"Well," he replied. "Today's the viewing..."
BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply
by Punk Rooster » Tue Nov 07, 2006 6:54 pm
Ralph Wiggum wrote:That's where I saw the leprechaun. He told me to burn things
Ken Farmer>John Coleman
Hindmarsh Pest Control
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Punk Rooster - Coach
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by mal » Tue Nov 07, 2006 9:13 pm
What do you call a man with a half inch penis ?
Justin
Punk/M80's you are in charge of rating my jokes please.
Justin
Punk/M80's you are in charge of rating my jokes please.
by magpie in the 80's » Tue Nov 07, 2006 9:15 pm
mal wrote:What do you call a man with a half inch penis ?
Justin
Punk/M80's you are in charge of rating my jokes please.
7.5 from me
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
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by mal » Tue Nov 07, 2006 9:26 pm
magpie in the 80's wrote:mal wrote:What do you call a man with a half inch penis ?
Justin
Punk/M80's you are in charge of rating my jokes please.
7.5 from me
Thanks M80'S
RATINGS this batch of jokes were consistently good.
WEDGIE
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hEATHER mILLS 8-0 liked the getting down on one knee part
F/CHICK
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fIRETRUCK 7-6 cute
M80S
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ICE CREAM 7-6
IN LAWS 7-3
10 MILLION 7-8
$100 BILL 7-7
INFREQUENTLY 7-5
KIWI tICKETS 7-7
all very good when 7-5 or above
PUNKY
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gRAVY lADIe 7-8 [ Im not sure how S/DOG will respond]
the viewing 7-5
******MALS TURN*****
What do Catholic priests give to Alter boys for breakfast
Apple.
by magpie in the 80's » Tue Nov 07, 2006 9:35 pm
WEDGIE
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hEATHER mILLS 8-0 liked the getting down on one knee part
MAL
you must have had a good day because REB posted this joke a few pages back and you only gave it a 7.5
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hEATHER mILLS 8-0 liked the getting down on one knee part
MAL
you must have had a good day because REB posted this joke a few pages back and you only gave it a 7.5
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
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by mal » Tue Nov 07, 2006 10:10 pm
magpie in the 80's wrote:WEDGIE
---------
hEATHER mILLS 8-0 liked the getting down on one knee part
MAL
you must have had a good day because REB posted this joke a few pages back and you only gave it a 7.5
WEDGIE runs the site.
by Squawk » Tue Nov 07, 2006 10:39 pm
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the breeding bull exhibit. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last
year."
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "See . He mated 50 times last year ... once-a-week."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year."
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, that's once-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."
NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and the doctors say after months of rehab and a couple more operations he will be ok.
year."
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "See . He mated 50 times last year ... once-a-week."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year."
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, that's once-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."
NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and the doctors say after months of rehab and a couple more operations he will be ok.
by Squawk » Wed Nov 08, 2006 10:00 am
Engineers vs Accountants
Three engineers and three accountants were travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.
They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please".
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand.
The conductor took it and moved on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to ride without a ticket"? said one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.
When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."
The Neighborly Thing…
A couple is in bed sleeping when there's a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, and it's half past 3 in the morning.†I’m not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. So he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs, opens the door, and there's a man standing there. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's half past three and I was in bed," says the man as he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tell his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife.†He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere,
He shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" The drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."
Sailors Tales
A young blonde woman in Sydney was so depressed that she was contemplating ending her life by throwing herself from the Harbour Bridge. She went down to the bridge and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the bridge, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes.
After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors, who's stowed me away" she explained "I get food and free passage to Europe, and he's screwing me."......
"He certainly is," the captain said. "this is the Manly Ferry."
The Death of a Cardiologist
One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge
replica of a heart made of red roses. When the pastor finished the sermon and everyone said their good-byes,
the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again. It was a majestic
tribute to the much loved cardiologist.
Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.
Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "Why are you laughing, Mister?"
"I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied. "I'm a gynaecologist .........."
Three engineers and three accountants were travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.
They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please".
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand.
The conductor took it and moved on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to ride without a ticket"? said one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.
When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."
The Neighborly Thing…
A couple is in bed sleeping when there's a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, and it's half past 3 in the morning.†I’m not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. So he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs, opens the door, and there's a man standing there. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's half past three and I was in bed," says the man as he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tell his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife.†He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere,
He shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" The drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."
Sailors Tales
A young blonde woman in Sydney was so depressed that she was contemplating ending her life by throwing herself from the Harbour Bridge. She went down to the bridge and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the bridge, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes.
After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors, who's stowed me away" she explained "I get food and free passage to Europe, and he's screwing me."......
"He certainly is," the captain said. "this is the Manly Ferry."
The Death of a Cardiologist
One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge
replica of a heart made of red roses. When the pastor finished the sermon and everyone said their good-byes,
the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again. It was a majestic
tribute to the much loved cardiologist.
Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.
Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "Why are you laughing, Mister?"
"I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied. "I'm a gynaecologist .........."
by Squawk » Wed Nov 08, 2006 10:02 am
http://www.glumbert.com/media/flash/player.swf?file=women&autostart=true&fs=>
PS this one courtesy of Mrs Squawk, (a woman with her own opinion)!
PS this one courtesy of Mrs Squawk, (a woman with her own opinion)!
by Jimmy » Wed Nov 08, 2006 11:06 am
heard heather broke up with paul because he bought her a prosthetic left leg....too bad its a right one she needs 
Carn the blues!!!!!
by mal » Thu Nov 09, 2006 11:00 pm
Squawk wrote:http://www.glumbert.com/media/flash/player.swf?file=women&autostart=true&fs=>
PS this one courtesy of Mrs Squawk, (a woman with her own opinion)!
Is that Mrs Squark in the
MEN DONT WANT TO LOOK AT NAKED WOMEN
on that website.
8-5 rating, watched it 3 times.
by magpie in the 80's » Sun Nov 12, 2006 11:05 am
mother and daughter were out and about one day when the daughter said "mummy how old are you?"
mother replied "honey woman don't talk about their age. you'll learn that as you grow older!!.
little later the young daughter asks "mummy how much do you weigh then?"
mother replied "once again honey woman don't talk about their weight. you'll learn that as you grow older!.
still inquisitive the young daughter asked "mummy why did you and dad get a divorce?.
mother now getting quite annoyed at these questions replied "honey, that is a subject that hurts me so much, so we are not going to talk about it right now."
the little girl sulked until she was dropped off at one of her girlfriend's house for the day. she consulted to her girlfriend about the conversation she had earlier with her mum.
the girlfriend said "all you have to do is sneak a look at you mum's driver's license. it's like a report card from school . it tells you everything you want to know about your mum. later the little girl and mum were out shopping.
the little girl says "mummy i know how old you are. your 32." mum asks "how do you know that?" little girl shrugs her shoulders and said "i just know and i also know you weigh 130 lbs." "where did you learn that ?" asks mum.
little girl says "i just know and i know the real reason you and daddy got a divorce because you got an"F" in SEX!!"
mother replied "honey woman don't talk about their age. you'll learn that as you grow older!!.
little later the young daughter asks "mummy how much do you weigh then?"
mother replied "once again honey woman don't talk about their weight. you'll learn that as you grow older!.
still inquisitive the young daughter asked "mummy why did you and dad get a divorce?.
mother now getting quite annoyed at these questions replied "honey, that is a subject that hurts me so much, so we are not going to talk about it right now."
the little girl sulked until she was dropped off at one of her girlfriend's house for the day. she consulted to her girlfriend about the conversation she had earlier with her mum.
the girlfriend said "all you have to do is sneak a look at you mum's driver's license. it's like a report card from school . it tells you everything you want to know about your mum. later the little girl and mum were out shopping.
the little girl says "mummy i know how old you are. your 32." mum asks "how do you know that?" little girl shrugs her shoulders and said "i just know and i also know you weigh 130 lbs." "where did you learn that ?" asks mum.
little girl says "i just know and i know the real reason you and daddy got a divorce because you got an"F" in SEX!!"
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
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magpie in the 80's - Coach
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by magpie in the 80's » Sun Nov 12, 2006 11:41 am
MAL wakes up out of a deep sleep and feeling really horny, nudges his wife and asks, "why don't we get it on?"
to which she replies "i have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow and you know i don't like making love the night before." so MAL agree's and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.
a few minute's later MAL nudge's his wife again and asks "you don't by chance have a dentist's appoinment tomorrow?"
to which she replies "i have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow and you know i don't like making love the night before." so MAL agree's and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.
a few minute's later MAL nudge's his wife again and asks "you don't by chance have a dentist's appoinment tomorrow?"
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
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magpie in the 80's - Coach
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by magpie in the 80's » Sun Nov 12, 2006 11:52 am
a teacher was wrapping up a class for adult computoring skills when she started talking about tomorrow final exam.
she said "there will be know excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate death in the family."
one smart ass, male student (MAL) said "what about extreme sexual exhaustion?" as the whole class burst into laughter.
to which the teacher glared into MAL'S eyes and said "NOT AN EXCUSE, YOU CAN USE YOUR OTHER HAND TO WRITE!!"
she said "there will be know excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate death in the family."
one smart ass, male student (MAL) said "what about extreme sexual exhaustion?" as the whole class burst into laughter.
to which the teacher glared into MAL'S eyes and said "NOT AN EXCUSE, YOU CAN USE YOUR OTHER HAND TO WRITE!!"
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
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magpie in the 80's - Coach
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by magpie in the 80's » Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:00 pm
a doctor and his wife were having a big arguement at breakfast.
"you arn't so good in bed either!!" he shouted and stormed off to work.
by mid morning, he decided to make amends and called home.
"what took you so long to answer the phone?" asked the doc.
"i was in bed " said his wife.
"what were you doing in bed this late?" he asked
"GETTING A SECOND OPINION" she replied
"you arn't so good in bed either!!" he shouted and stormed off to work.
by mid morning, he decided to make amends and called home.
"what took you so long to answer the phone?" asked the doc.
"i was in bed " said his wife.
"what were you doing in bed this late?" he asked
"GETTING A SECOND OPINION" she replied
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
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magpie in the 80's - Coach
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by magpie in the 80's » Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:28 pm
farmer MAL goes out one day and buys a brand new stud (PUNK) ROOSTER for his chickens.
the cocky young (PUNK) ROOSTER walks over to the old rooster and says "o.k. old fella, time to retire." the old rooster says " you can't handle all these chickens, look what it did to me."
the young (PUNK) ROOSTER replies "now don't give me a hassle about this old man. it's time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike."
the old rooster says "awe come on, just let me have those 2 old boilers over there in the corner. i won't bother you "
the young (PUNK) ROOSTER snarls "scram!! beat it!! your all washed up!! i'm taking over!!!" the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young (PUNK) ROOSTER " i'll tell you what, young fellow, i'll have a race around the farm house with you. who ever wins the race will have full domain over the chicken coop." the young (PUNK) ROOSTER smiles "you KNOW i'm gonna beat you old man, so just to make it fair, i'll give you a head start."
the 2 roosters line up in back of the farm house. a hen cluck's "GO" and the old rooster scampers off running. about 5 seconds later the young (PUNK) ROOSTER takes off after him. they round the front of the farm house and the young (PUNK) ROOSTER is inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
farmer MAL, sitting on the porch and hearing all the commotion looks up and see's what's going on. quickly he grabs his shot gun and BOOM the young (PUNK) ROOSTER is shot to smithereens!! farmer MAL sadly shakes his head in disgust:
"DAMN!!! THAT MAKES THE 3RD GAY ROOSTER I BOUGHT THIS WEEK!!!!!!
the cocky young (PUNK) ROOSTER walks over to the old rooster and says "o.k. old fella, time to retire." the old rooster says " you can't handle all these chickens, look what it did to me."
the young (PUNK) ROOSTER replies "now don't give me a hassle about this old man. it's time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike."
the old rooster says "awe come on, just let me have those 2 old boilers over there in the corner. i won't bother you "
the young (PUNK) ROOSTER snarls "scram!! beat it!! your all washed up!! i'm taking over!!!" the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young (PUNK) ROOSTER " i'll tell you what, young fellow, i'll have a race around the farm house with you. who ever wins the race will have full domain over the chicken coop." the young (PUNK) ROOSTER smiles "you KNOW i'm gonna beat you old man, so just to make it fair, i'll give you a head start."
the 2 roosters line up in back of the farm house. a hen cluck's "GO" and the old rooster scampers off running. about 5 seconds later the young (PUNK) ROOSTER takes off after him. they round the front of the farm house and the young (PUNK) ROOSTER is inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
farmer MAL, sitting on the porch and hearing all the commotion looks up and see's what's going on. quickly he grabs his shot gun and BOOM the young (PUNK) ROOSTER is shot to smithereens!! farmer MAL sadly shakes his head in disgust:
"DAMN!!! THAT MAKES THE 3RD GAY ROOSTER I BOUGHT THIS WEEK!!!!!!
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
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magpie in the 80's - Coach
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by mal » Sun Nov 12, 2006 2:25 pm
RATINGS TIME
-----------------
SQUAWK
RODEO...................8.2 very funny
TRAM RIDE.............7-2
SWING...................7-1
MANLYFERRY...........8-0 ha ha ha
FUNERAL................7-2
JIMMY
MILLS LEG...............7-2
MAGGIE80'S
F IN SEX.................7-2
APPOINTMENT/SEX..8-1 really good
SEX EXHAUSTION...8-2 funny
2ND OPINION.........7-5
PUNK ROOSTER......8-3
Punk in a frenzied romp rooted this sheila one night.
As they adjusted thier clothes after the quickie in the back seat Punk whispers
" If I knew you were a virgin I would have taken more time."
" And yeah Punk If I knew you had more time, I would have taken of my knickers."
-----------------
SQUAWK
RODEO...................8.2 very funny
TRAM RIDE.............7-2
SWING...................7-1
MANLYFERRY...........8-0 ha ha ha
FUNERAL................7-2
JIMMY
MILLS LEG...............7-2
MAGGIE80'S
F IN SEX.................7-2
APPOINTMENT/SEX..8-1 really good
SEX EXHAUSTION...8-2 funny
2ND OPINION.........7-5
PUNK ROOSTER......8-3
Punk in a frenzied romp rooted this sheila one night.
As they adjusted thier clothes after the quickie in the back seat Punk whispers
" If I knew you were a virgin I would have taken more time."
" And yeah Punk If I knew you had more time, I would have taken of my knickers."
by magpie in the 80's » Sun Nov 12, 2006 4:08 pm
MAL goes to the doctor's and says "i have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me to much. the farts never smell and are always silent. as a matter of fact, iv'e farted 20 times since iv'e been here and i bet you havn't noticed.
the doctor says "i see, take these pills and come back next week.
the next week MAL goes back and says "doctor, i don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts,- although still silent,- stink terribly."
the doctor says "good!! now that we've cleaned up you sinuses, LETS WORK ON YOUR HEARING!!!
the doctor says "i see, take these pills and come back next week.
the next week MAL goes back and says "doctor, i don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts,- although still silent,- stink terribly."
the doctor says "good!! now that we've cleaned up you sinuses, LETS WORK ON YOUR HEARING!!!
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
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magpie in the 80's - Coach
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by magpie in the 80's » Sun Nov 12, 2006 4:21 pm
MAL boarded a plane and imagine his surprise when the pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight.
still, MAL was to shy to speak to the pontiff. shortly after taking off, the pope began doing a crossword puzzle. "this is fantastic" says MAL to himself. "i'm really good at crosswords. perhaps, if the pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance."
almost immediately, the pope turned to MAL and said "excuse me, but do you know a four letter word that ends in ..UNT and refers to a woman?" only one word leapt to MALS mind....a vulgar one. "i can't tell the pope that. "there must be another" thought MAL. then it hit him. he turned to the pope and said " i think your looking for the word AUNT"
"OF COURSE!!" exclaimed the pope, " I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU HAVE AN ERASER?"
still, MAL was to shy to speak to the pontiff. shortly after taking off, the pope began doing a crossword puzzle. "this is fantastic" says MAL to himself. "i'm really good at crosswords. perhaps, if the pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance."
almost immediately, the pope turned to MAL and said "excuse me, but do you know a four letter word that ends in ..UNT and refers to a woman?" only one word leapt to MALS mind....a vulgar one. "i can't tell the pope that. "there must be another" thought MAL. then it hit him. he turned to the pope and said " i think your looking for the word AUNT"
"OF COURSE!!" exclaimed the pope, " I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU HAVE AN ERASER?"
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
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magpie in the 80's - Coach
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by magpie in the 80's » Sun Nov 12, 2006 4:32 pm
MAL dies and goes to hell. satan greets him and shows him 3 doors and says "you must spend your eternity in one of the rooms behind these doors. look in each one and decide which one you want."
MAL opens the 1st door and sees a lot of people standing on their heads on a wooden floor, looking very uncomfortible. he opens the second door and sees a bunch of people standing on their heads on a concrete floor, looking even more distressed. finally MAL opens the 3rd door and sees a bunch of people standing around drinking coffee, up to their knee's in SH..T.
"HHMMM" he says "that looks bad but not as bad as the other 2 doors." "i'll take the 3rd door!!" satan smiles and shows him in.
10 minutes later satan walks into the room and says "ALRIGHT, COFFEE BREAKS OVER, EVERYONE BACK ON YOUR HEADS"
MAL opens the 1st door and sees a lot of people standing on their heads on a wooden floor, looking very uncomfortible. he opens the second door and sees a bunch of people standing on their heads on a concrete floor, looking even more distressed. finally MAL opens the 3rd door and sees a bunch of people standing around drinking coffee, up to their knee's in SH..T.
"HHMMM" he says "that looks bad but not as bad as the other 2 doors." "i'll take the 3rd door!!" satan smiles and shows him in.
10 minutes later satan walks into the room and says "ALRIGHT, COFFEE BREAKS OVER, EVERYONE BACK ON YOUR HEADS"
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)
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magpie in the 80's - Coach
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- Posts: 35438
- Joined: Fri Apr 14, 2006 7:56 pm
- Location: in the quiz books
- Has liked: 1 time
- Been liked: 24 times
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