by Rik E Boy » Tue Mar 10, 2020 9:00 pm
Am I ok? I'm pretty ******* far from ok as Marcellus once famously said in Pulp Fiction.
I've been under prolonged stress being a team leader at my organisation, looking after the needs of and being strong for everyone else. I've been a referee in stand up fights and managed two employees who suffered life threatening conditions. Our arm of the business was being run as a dollars and cents operation where the rights and needs of employees were secondary to the bottom line. For over six years I was caught between senior managemeqnt above and staff members below, trying to get the best of both worlds happening while continuing to develop professionally and provide value to the organisation. For this challenging leadership role I received no financial reward. The last 18 months in my old department were very challenging indeed.
In July last year it was announced there was to be a restructure. Our unit was to be moved to another department. Usually everybody shits themselves when there is a restructure but our team was ecstatic. We had moved out of the profit driven arm of the organisation and into the field of compliance which is our primary function. Since then I've had about as much fun as Leon Cameron at last year's grand final.
The warning lights began to turn when I started getting duties taken away from me. I have always been versatile and have skills in multiple disciplines. Suddenly I was being asked to choose. As someone who is very passionate about my work I found this sudden necessity for choice to be quite confronting. Then in November I had the team leadership taken away from me. It wasn't even clearly explained, more implied. I thought I was stepping aside while a consultant came in to temporarily oversee management of the team. Not so, I was already out. Then there was a meeting with my team to tell them what they decided not to bother telling me, that I was no longer their manger. I was not invited to this meeting.
Christmas came and went, always a horrible time for me due to the death of my father and his birthday around then too. Shovelling dirt on a beloved pet's face at 6.30 in the morning didn't rank as my best ever Christmas morning. Oh well, onwards and upwards back to work REB. At 8.30 on my first day back I was called in to the office where I was told I was to be taken off a project because my work was late and that it wasn't up to standard. My work was sent for review days before project deadlines and I never got a straight answer as to what exactly was wrong with my work. Seeing as I have been writing training documentation for 15 years I suspected a personal angle to be involved in what should have been a business decision.
For the next two months I had to endure humiliation and bullying as our new consultant opted to consult with the most junior member of the team at the expense of his more senior colleagues. Here I was, 53 with 15 years experience and a Degree doing data entry while the young chap was writing work instructions. I even received an email from this consultant saying that writing was not my strength. This person was my new supervisor, something else the organisation neglected to tell me. So here is this person who obviously doesn't rate me, making evaluations to my department about what our new structure should look like.
Then happy days the organisation worked out the project manager wasn't a people person and disappeared faster than Warner in England. My hopes soared...maybe everything is going to be cool after all. Our team spilled the beans to our manager about the bullshit that was going on and she was shocked. Then the PD news filtered out and straight away we Unioned up. The restructure got knocked back because the new PDs went over everyone's heads. Union to the rescue. Delay, delay, delay with daily calendar appointments.....you'd go to work, is this the day? Is this day? Are they going to use Vaseline?
Last Tuesday the day finally arrived. It was a great result for everyone in the team but I got shafted. Everyone got bumped up a level but I got bumped down a level. Not tooting my own horn here but I know more than anyone in that team, I made it my business to know. They couldn't cut my pay but they can put you on something called Salary maintenance. Salary maintenance means I get paid at my current rate but I won't get a CPI pay rise for years until my new level 'catches up' to my current salary. Not what you want for wage or your super at 53.
After the meeting I met with a delegate and my union rep. I was told the original PDs were ****** for everyone and that the Union were aiming to keep everyone in a job which they managed to do. I also got told that they were going to give me the arse. If it wasn't for my Union I was gone. I was close to breaking all meeting but when I heard that my reward for learning more and putting up my hand to lead the team was a DCM. I felt worthless, I was devasted. I knew this was coming but when the consultant left my spirits were lifted only to be emphatically crushed later.
My union guy talked about something called OSD Organisational Stress Disorder and a middle aged middle management type was at risk. Not sleeping? Tick, not interested in things you normally love, tick, tick, tick. I was at risk. Then came the question "have you had any suicidal thoughts" and my inability to answer the question was all the answers required. All,if a sudden, these thoughts could not be compartmentalised and rationalised. Shit just got real.
Somehow I made it through the meetings and went outside and completely broke down. Everything just crashed down on me at once like a tube at Rip Curl BANG. I'm in the washing machine and I'd never felt so sick in my life. I couldn't hold my head up. I went into work the next day and my supervisor said "what are you doing here". On the way out I got help. EAP, HR, Mental Health first aid officer, and a GP appointment. I'm seeing a shrink in a few weeks and I've reached out to many people. I'm not about to implement a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I have a mental health plan and I've applied for other jobs as I need to get out of where I am.
Finally, I told my boys why Dad has been at home. They are 17 and 23 but I was honest and explained to them that part if being a man is knowing that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. I've been dudded at work, but I still have a job. If I land one of the gigs I'm trying out for, I actually come out in front. I've got more shit to come but I reckon I'm through the worst of it. But the last year or so has been the toughest of my life.
Regards,
REB