Funny Side of Football

[devilsadvocate]

This is a rant from a QPR fan, whi I find absolutely hilarious:

"I take more pleasure in seeing Chelsea lose than I do in seeing QPR win at the moment.

I sat through so many matches when we were absolute dog**** under the likes of Ray Harford and with people like Paul Bruce, Matthew Brazier and Mark Perry in the squad and I never felt like this.

The club isn't ours anymore but moreso than that - football is just properly gash these days.

I mean really gash.

football generally.

I hate nearly everything about it these days....

I hate the Prem and the myth that it is exciting this year. Man City breaking into the top four isn't exciting. They spent loads of money. It's no more exciting that Nameless **** getting to number 1 in the charts after winning the X-Factor.

I hate the myth of Arsene's kids. Buying some French kid when he's 17, playing him in the League Cup and then selling him when he's 20 after about 3 appearances in the league is NOTHING SPECIAL.

I hate hearing about Liverpool/Man Utd's debt but nothing ever happening about it. A club needs to go to the wall for the money thing to change but it doesn't happen. Why the **** are Charlton, Leeds and Southampton still in business?

I hate Frank Lampard's stupid ****ing face. I hate that Joe Cole's tongue is never in his mouth, the downsy spacker. I hate John Terry being England captain when he's CLEARLY AN OAF.

I hate young exciting wingers who have nothing but pace. Tony Scully had nothing but pace.

I hate Harry ****ing Redknapp. And Jamie Redknapp. And Louise Redknapp.. And the Wii.

I hate Gary Lineker and Alan Shearer.

I hate Garth Crooks.

I hate Garth Brooks a lot for that matter.

I hate Sky Sports.

I hate that when a lower league player beats 10 players and chips the keeper it doesn't matter but if Rooney scores from more than 20 yards it's amazing.

I hate that female sports journos are now mandatory.

I hate Mark Lawrenson for not coming out. 'I do like a big man at the back'. I bet you do.

I hate any advert that portrays football to be about anything other than pain and disappointment.

I hate Lee Hughes and the fact that he makes a living from the game. I hate Marlon King and any team that signs him when he gets out. I hate that it'll probably be us.

I hate Phil Brown.

I hate 'well the ball is a lot lighter now and will cause goalkeepers real problems this summer' before EVERY ****ING TOURNAMENT!

I hate that Kieron Dyer earned more in the time I took to write this post than I'll earn this month.

I hate Adrian Durham, Ian Wright and Alan Brazil.

I hate Gazza. Either die or shut up. Stop ****ing lingering.

I hate hearing about Hillsborough more than I hear about Heysel or Bradford.

I hate Leeds.

I hate Roy Keane.

I hate grown men wearing football shirts of their team whilst shopping on a saturday when their team is playing at home.

I hate that I don't hate Roy Hodgson.

I hate Jermaine Beckford and any player who has neck tattoos.

I hate songs being inappropriately taken as club anthems and then sung in a manly way. 'I'm forever blowing bubbles....'. Gaylords.

I hate Danny Dyer and anyone he's ever interviewed.

I hate the book 'Cass' by Cass Pennant. It is honestly the stupidest thing I've ever read. Chapter 1: Millwall. 'Yeah we took 50 to Millwall. They had 1000 in their mob but we ran 'em up and down the street'. Chapter 2: Liverpool. 'Yeah we took 50 to Liverpool. They had 2000 in their mob but we ran 'em up and down the street'. **** me... Jade Goody's autobiography is probably better. Even her non-ghost written one.

I hate that all good youngsters end their careers at Spurs before they start."

[devilsadvocate]

[devilsadvocate]

Obligatory John Terry jokes:

1. Wayne Bridge says he won't play for England with John Terry as captain. Capello wants Terry to shag Emile Heskey's missus.

2. Capello has phoned Wayne Bridge, annd told him John Terry has lost the captain's armband. He's asked him if he can check under the bed.

3. Ashley Cole was caught doing 104mph in a 50 zone. When questioned by police as to why he was speeding he said "I've just heard that John Terry's car is parked outside my house" !!!!

LMAO. More to follow no doubt.

[Il Duce]

1. JT has signed up to star in a new TV show. It's called Other Footballers' Wives.

2. So JT was sleeping with Wayne Bridge's girl. Poor old Wayne - he wasn't even first choice with his missus.

3. It's a good thing JT doesn't bring all his girlfriends to watch him play every match. Abramovich would have to increase the capacity of Stamford Bridge by 20,000.

4. Newsflash just in: "Bridge close to collapsing in Manchester. Support needed."

5. So JT has been caught stealing another man's girl. I bet his old mum will be so proud he's learned something from her.

6. Somebody bought me a box of Terry's All Gold. I was shocked to find new chocs called French Fancy and Cheat Cluster.

7. What have Wayne's ex-missus and the 2008 Champions League final goalpost got in common? They've both been banged by JT.

8. John Terry, former Dad Of The Year.

9. Kerry Katona, former Mum Of The Year.

10. I bet Ronnie Wood is polishing his Grandad Of The Year award right now.

11. The England team have voted for Terry to keep his place in the World Cup squad. With the ban on WAGs travelling to South Africa, no one wants him left behind.

12. (To the tune of Lord Of The Dance) "Chelsea, wherever they may be, "Don't leave your bird with John Terry.

"Cos he likes a shag, he likes a bit of fluff, "And he'll get your missus up the duff!"

13. Did you know JT has scored 28 times at the Bridge? Nah, nor did Wayne.

14. What's John Terry's favourite song? Under The Bridge.

15. Wayne asked Vanessa Perroncel if she'd ever cheated on him. She confessed she had - three times. "THREE!" He cried. "When?" She said: "Remember no one would give you a mortgage, then the bank manager came to see me and agreed it? Then the time you needed that leg operation and it was too tricky so the doc refused - until he came to see me and then you were sorted? "Then the third time was when you really, really wanted to be made captain of Chelsea and you were those ten votes short... "

16. Wayne sent his missus a replica of his willy made from Cadbury's chocolate. But she refused it, saying she prefers Terry's!

[RoosterMarty]

Those Rio haters out there will change their minds after seeing this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rA45OfuZZPA

What a sweet voice that young lad had.

[johntheclaret]

At the Clarets v Chavski game last week

Sung to the tune of London bridge is falling down

Mrs Bridge is going down
Going down
Going down
Mrs Bridge is going down
On John Terry

I guess you just had to be there

[devilsadvocate]

At the Clarets v Chavski game last week

Sung to the tune of London bridge is falling down

Mrs Bridge is going down
Going down
Going down
Mrs Bridge is going down
On John Terry

I guess you just had to be there

Apparently not...I'm LMFAO!!!!!

[westies sarge]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kou5mgu7XM

[Sir Red of Norwood]

Best bad taste(as in I can't believe they sung that) chant I heard was the game after Frank Lampard's mum had died, the opposing fans were heard singing:

He's fat,
He's round,
His mum is in the ground
Fat Frank..Fat Frank
Fat Frank Lam-pard!


Even I cringed,
I did laugh at the Burnley London-Bridge song though, that is piss funny!! LMFAO

[devilsadvocate]

Best bad taste(as in I can't believe they sung that) chant I heard was the game after Frank Lampard's mum had died, the opposing fans were heard singing:

He's fat,
He's round,
His mum is in the ground
Fat Frank..Fat Frank
Fat Frank Lam-pard!


Even I cringed,
I did laugh at the Burnley London-Bridge song though, that is piss funny!! LMFAO

Wow, that is completely dodge that Fat Frank song.

[devilsadvocate]

Standard night out for Roman Abramovic:

[RoosterMarty]

[devilsadvocate]

Am I missing something RM?

[Sir Red of Norwood]

Am I missing something RM?

Possibly that Mick McCarthy is still in the employ of a Premier League Club as their manager rather than their boot boy? My guess anyway:)

[RoosterMarty]

Haha he's not doing TOO badly with them I guess. You aren't missing anything DA, I was just a bit hypnotized by his smirk at the end.

[Pidge]

Manchester United 0 LEEDS UNITED 1

[devilsadvocate]

Haha he's not doing TOO badly with them I guess. You aren't missing anything DA, I was just a bit hypnotized by his smirk at the end.

Here you go RM, this is what I was missing:



One in the hole you say....

LMFAO!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA, OMG, I'm actually pissing myself.

[JK]

Standard night out for Roman Abramovic:

OK, so Im a bit late on this thread and there's some piss funny stuff in here lads, but I have to ask the question on Romans bill ... WTF pays 12 Quid for Water - Is it different water, one not readily available? And 27 Quid for a Cappacino?!?! WTF!!!!

[devilsadvocate]

It's US dollars, but I agree - totally over the top. How's his tip too!!!

Having said that, I paid $22USD for a pint of Fosters in the Skyview bar of the Burj AlArab hotel in Dubai. Worth every cent for that view!

[RoosterMarty]

That Mick pic is comedy gold.