BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[CENTURION]

roses are red,
violets are glorious,
don't try to surprise,
Oscar Pistorious.

[CENTURION]

new evidence has been found outside the pistorious home that completely acquits him of his girlfriend's murder....................footprints.

[Alaska]

new evidence has been found outside the pistorious home that completely acquits him of his girlfriend's murder....................footprints.

[Strawb]

Surely Oscar Picstorius can't be the first bloke to wake up legless on Valetine's day shoot a load into his girl friends face while thinking it was somebody else

[OnSong]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.
She says, 'Hello.'
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he asks, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.
So he asks, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the
Pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

[The Dark Knight]

Ha! That's a real good one.

[valleys07]

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said:

"I've lost my wife here in the supermarket, did you mind if I chat with you for a couple of minutes?"

The woman looked puzzled. "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked..

"Because every time i talk to a woman with t*ts like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere!"

[locky801]

That gay moment when your taking a piss. The guy next to you has a look. Then he goes "Congratulations."

[HH3]

<Deleted>


Site Rules still apply in this thread as well gents

Thanks

[Johno6]

i cant imagine that lasting on here too long hh3 but i laughed

[Strawb]

i cant imagine that lasting on here too long hh3 but i laughed

+1

[Baron Greenback]

Damn it! Missed it. Can you PM that one to me HH3?

[valleys07]

Damn it! Missed it. Can you PM that one to me HH3?

x2

[HH3]

PM'd it to both of you.

[Johno6]

3 things HH3 hates. Racists. Homophobes and that tanned fella that fornicates with other men.



That didn't break any site rules did it?

[heater31]

That didn't break any site rules did it?

From the Rules

- material which is obscene or offensive or links to sites/pages that are obscene or offensive. This includes material that is sexually explicit, shows violence or gore, or is otherwise offensive as determined by the moderators.

[HH3]

That doesnt really answer the question

[Johno6]

That didn't break any site rules did it?

From the Rules

- material which is obscene or offensive or links to sites/pages that are obscene or offensive. This includes material that is sexually explicit, shows violence or gore, or is otherwise offensive as determined by the moderators.

So.....???

Wanted. Yes no answer please. Not your life story.

[Iron Fist]

send it through to me aswell HH3

cheers

[Strawb]

A boy was very sad in class.

The teacher asked, "Boy what is your problem?"

he answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is!
I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Teacher had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office.
While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained
to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: What is 3 x 3?

Boy : 9, maam!

Principal: What is 6 x 6?

Boy : 36, maam!

And so it went with every question the principal
thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at teacher and tells her,
"I think Boy can go to the third-grade. "

Teacher says to the principal, "I have some of my
own questions. Can I ask him ?"

The principal and Boy both agreed.

Teacher asks: What does a cow have four of that I
have only two of?

Boy : Legs, maam!

Teacher : What is in your pants that you have but I
do not have?

Boy : Pockets!

Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is
hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy : Coconut!

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out
soft And sticky?

(The principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer, Boy . was taking charge )

Boy : Bubblegum, maam!

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman
does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

(The principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer )

Boy : Shake hands!

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of
questions, okay?
Boy : Yep!

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me
down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy : Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me
when you're bored. The
best man always has me first.

Boy : Wedding Ring, maam!

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I
drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy : Nose!

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I
come with a quiver. What is it?

Boy : Arrow!

Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K'
that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy : Firetruck!

Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K'
& if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.

Boy : Fork!

Teacher: What is it that all men have one. It's
longer on some men, than on others,
the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his
wife after they're married?

Boy : SURNAME!

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has
muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible
for making love ?

Boy : HEART, maam!

The principal a sigh of relief and said to
the teacher :

Principal: Huh! send this Boy to grade 4!!! Even I got
the last ten questions wrong myself!