BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[Keefy]

Grandma's boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

The minister fainted.

[Dutchy]

Tredders drops in to Choco 's house on Thursday a couple of hours before
training to talk about that night's session. As he walks in he sees
Choco finishing off his lunch - eating the biggest tomato he had ever
seen.

A hobby vegie grower from way back,Tredders excitedly asks Choco "where
did ya get that tomato?"
"I grew it myself" Choco proudly answers.
"Stiffy and Truck down at the Crows have a hobby farm and they mix up a
secret blend of sheep manure, horse manure and cow manure and they gave
me a bag."
"I've just gotta try some of that on my vegies" says Tredders, "Can you
get me some?"
"No worries" is the reply, "I'll stop in at Stiffy 's on the way to
training and grab you a bag."

At Alberton Oval that evening, Peter Rhode has just finished signing up
Michael Wilson for 6 more years when he walks out of his office and sees
Choco dragging a large, heavy bag into the Power rooms.
"What's that?" he asks
Choco replies "I've got a bag of shit from the Crows for Tredders ."
"Well done" says Rhodey. "Good Trade!"

[Baron Greenback]

Tredders drops in to Choco 's house on Thursday a couple of hours before
training to talk about that night's session. As he walks in he sees
Choco finishing off his lunch - eating the biggest tomato he had ever
seen.

A hobby vegie grower from way back,Tredders excitedly asks Choco "where
did ya get that tomato?"
"I grew it myself" Choco proudly answers.
"Stiffy and Truck down at the Crows have a hobby farm and they mix up a
secret blend of sheep manure, horse manure and cow manure and they gave
me a bag."
"I've just gotta try some of that on my vegies" says Tredders, "Can you
get me some?"
"No worries" is the reply, "I'll stop in at Stiffy 's on the way to
training and grab you a bag."

At Alberton Oval that evening, Peter Rhode has just finished signing up
Michael Wilson for 6 more years when he walks out of his office and sees
Choco dragging a large, heavy bag into the Power rooms.
"What's that?" he asks
Choco replies "I've got a bag of s***t from the Crows for Tredders ."
"Well done" says Rhodey. "Good Trade!"

[am Bays]

Tredders drops in to Choco 's house on Thursday a couple of hours before
training to talk about that night's session. As he walks in he sees
Choco finishing off his lunch - eating the biggest tomato he had ever
seen.

A hobby vegie grower from way back,Tredders excitedly asks Choco "where
did ya get that tomato?"
"I grew it myself" Choco proudly answers.
"Stiffy and Truck down at the Crows have a hobby farm and they mix up a
secret blend of sheep manure, horse manure and cow manure and they gave
me a bag."
"I've just gotta try some of that on my vegies" says Tredders, "Can you
get me some?"
"No worries" is the reply, "I'll stop in at Stiffy 's on the way to
training and grab you a bag."

At Alberton Oval that evening, Peter Rhode has just finished signing up
Michael Wilson for 6 more years when he walks out of his office and sees
Choco dragging a large, heavy bag into the Power rooms.
"What's that?" he asks
Choco replies "I've got a bag of s***t from the Crows for Tredders ."
"Well done" says Rhodey. "Good Trade!"

It just arrived in my inbox, I was going to post it but looks like Dutchy's contacts are more in the loop than mine....

[steiger]

That's not the way I heard it

Burton drops into Neil's house on Thursday a couple of hours before training to talk about that night's session. As he walks in he sees Neil finishing off his lunch - eating the biggest tomato he had ever seen.
A hobby vegie grower from way back, Burton excitedly asks Neil "where did ya get that tomato?"
"I grew it myself" Neil proudly answers.
"Tredders and Wilson down at the Power have a hobby farm and they mix up a secret blend of sheep manure, horse manure and cow manure and they gave me a bag."
"I've just gotta try some of that on my vegies" says Burton , "Can you get me some?."
"No worries" is the reply, "I'll stop in at Tredder's on the way to training and grab you a bag."
At Crows training that evening John Reid has just finished signing up Ken McGregor for 6 more years when he walks out of his office and sees Neil dragging a large, heavy bag into the Crows rooms.
"What's that?" he asks
Neil replies "I've got a bag of sh * t from the Power for Burton."
"Well done" says Reidy "Good Trade!"

[smac]

Not so funny second time around...

[Thiele]

Herd the Power are going to art school over the summer they are going to learn how to draw a crowd

[mal]

There was a discussion in the Primary School class
" Class I want you to tell me what your daddy does for work, you can go first Mario
" MY DADDY MAKES PIZZAS FOR A JOB.
" Alex what about your dad."
" MY DADDY IS A LAWYER."
" Graham what job has your dad got ?
" DAD WORKS IN A BANK."
The teacher then picks out quiet little Wilson
" Wilson what does your Dad do for a job ?"
" MY DAD WORKS AS A STRIPPER IN A GAY NIGHTCLUB AND WHEN HE GETS LUCKY MISS HE HAS SEX OR GIVES BLOW JOBS BACK STAGE WITH THE CUSTOMERS FOR EXTRA CASH"
The teacher grabs Wilson and drags him out of class.
" Wilson does your Dad really work as a stripper and do all those disgusting things?"
" No, but its better then telling class he works at the Port Adelaide football club"

[Strawb]

I have a boss at work who wears an analog Port Power watch. I ask why doesn't he have a digital watch he didn't reply and all i could say was you don't like the number 119 do you.

[steiger]

Oh No. What have I started

[locky801]

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young
idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks
like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill
out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,
"Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."


The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch,
"I hope not ma'am; it's only 2130 now."

[Keefy]

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.
The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring..

'Yeah right!' she says.
A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual.
The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep.
Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles.
Sure enough, the dog stops snoring!
The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies.
He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly.
The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him.
So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles.
Amazingly, it also works on him!
The woman sleeps soundly..

The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom.
As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates.
He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.

He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers...
'I don't know where we were ....
Or what we did ...
But, by God ..
We took first and second place!

[mal]

BAYMAN was a chick magnet at the Bay disco in his younger days
One night he was chatting a bonza sheila
" Excuse me luv have ya ever been to India?
" NO WHYS THAT?"
BAYMAN then undid his fly and pulled out his slug and replied."
" Well get this India...."

[mal]

My wife went for a job interview yesterday
One of the selective questions asked was as follows
" Whats the difference between light on and hard on?"
She replied.
" When I go to bed tonight I can sleep with a light on ....

[Punk Rooster]

A Scotsman was heading out to the pub and turned to his wife before leaving...

'Jackie - put your hat and coat on lassie.'

'Aw Jock that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?'

'No, just switching the central heating off while I'm oot.'

[mal]

Whats the definition of a specimen ?
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Honesly what do you think the definition of a specimen is ?
Have a good think about it
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The definition of a specimen is:
An Italian astronaut ....

[Mr66]

mal, that is GOLD

[mal]

QUIZ

Who was the first to land on Australian soil ?
Not including Indigenous peoples

Answers ?

I will reveal the first later

[Strawb]

I heard a midget got his wallet stolen yesterday now who would stoop that low.

[mal]

27/08/2008
Commerating a 100 years since Don Bradmans birth
It would be remiss of me not to include a couple of yarns

Every young cricketers dream when a young Michael Slater asked Don Bradman to be his Golf caddy.
After 14 holes an impressive Slater was burning up the course and was 9 under par.
Then came the dreaded 15th hole, the one with a giant tree in front of the tee off.
" Mr Bradman whats your advice on this hole."
" MICHAEL I KNOW THIS HOLE APPEARS VERY VERY DIFFICULT, BUT WHEN I PLAYED IT I CONSIDERED IT A MONUMENTAL CHALLENGE, IN FACT I PLAYED THIS HOLE 150 TIMES AND GOT 75 HOLE IN ONES."
Slater proceeded, took 7 shots and hit the tree 7 times, on his 8th shot he finally hits the ball over the tree onto the fairway.
" Mr Bradman you must have been a sporting freak, its taken me 8 shots to hit the fairway and you have scored a hole in one every second try,you gotta tell me how you achieved that."
" EASY MICHAEL IN 1938 THE TREE WAS ONLY A BUSH....