BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[locky801]

Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE.

CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG WITH THAT SIR?

Cowboy: NAH... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!!

[The Dark Knight]

Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE.

CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG WITH THAT SIR?

Cowboy: NAH... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!!

Ha!

[Dirko]

I was in a pub last night and saw two large girls by the bar. They both had strange accents so I said "Hello are you two girls from Scotland?" One of them screamed "Its WALES you ******* idiot!" So I immediately apologised and said "Sorry are you two whales from Scotland?"

[story of my life]

What do a Harley and a blue heeler have in common...... They both love to ride in the back of a ute

[Hefty]

I can't stand being in a wheelchair!

[The Dark Knight]

I was in a pub last night and saw two large girls by the bar. They both had strange accents so I said "Hello are you two girls from Scotland?" One of them screamed "Its WALES you ******* idiot!" So I immediately apologised and said "Sorry are you two whales from Scotland?"

Nice.

[Strawb]

ACHAR SINGH & HIS BMW

Achar Singh buys the new Automatic BMW X8 sport.
He drives the Car perfectly well during the day, but at night the Car just won’t move at all.
He tries driving the car at night for a week but still no luck.
He then furiously calls the BMW dealer and they send out a technician to him.
The technician asks “ Sir, are you sure you are using the right gears?”
Full of anger Achar replies “You fool, idiot man, how you could ask such a question, I'm not stupid!
I use D for the Day
and N for the Night...”

[Baron Greenback]

A bloke walks up to the most gorgeous girl in the bar and says:
"You're going to get laid tonight."
"How do you know that?" she replied. "Are you psychic?"
"No," he said. "I'm just much stronger than you."

[Hefty]

Has anyone ever meet Daniel Tahlia's sister??

Jenny Tahlia

[RustyCage]

Has anyone ever meet Daniel Tahlia's sister??

Jenny Tahlia

Kevin Bloody Wilsons daughter!

[locky801]

A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What’s your occupation?”

“I’m a prostitute,” she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, ” Let’s try to rephrase that.”

The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl”.

“No, that still won’t work. Try again.”

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.”

The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?”

“Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year.”

“Chicken Farmer it is.”

[brod]

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,

"Hello."

"Mrs. Sanders, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.
When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well...
We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband.
Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV.
We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.Sanders.

"Normally we can, but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive tests once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The MEDICARE Helpdesk recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town.

If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him

[OnSong]

Not sure if this is legit, but Fatman Scoop is credited for several albums on Wikipedia, including:


2006: In the Club

2007: Outside the Club

2008: In the Queue to Get Back Into the Club

2009: Refused Re-entry to the Club

2010: Arguing With Door Staff of the Club

2011: Barred For Life From the Club

2011: In Jail for Trying to Forcibly Re-enter the Club

2012: On Parole, Looking for a New Club

[The Dark Knight]

Not sure if this is legit, but Fatman Scoop is credited for several albums on Wikipedia, including:


2006: In the Club

2007: Outside the Club

2008: In the Queue to Get Back Into the Club

2009: Refused Re-entry to the Club

2010: Arguing With Door Staff of the Club

2011: Barred For Life From the Club

2011: In Jail for Trying to Forcibly Re-enter the Club

2012: On Parole, Looking for a New Club

Haha, good one OS.

[OnSong]

Not sure if this is legit, but Fatman Scoop is credited for several albums on Wikipedia, including:


2006: In the Club

2007: Outside the Club

2008: In the Queue to Get Back Into the Club

2009: Refused Re-entry to the Club

2010: Arguing With Door Staff of the Club

2011: Barred For Life From the Club

2011: In Jail for Trying to Forcibly Re-enter the Club

2012: On Parole, Looking for a New Club

Haha, good one OS.

Funny thing is, I'm not joking

[The Dark Knight]

Not sure if this is legit, but Fatman Scoop is credited for several albums on Wikipedia, including:


2006: In the Club

2007: Outside the Club

2008: In the Queue to Get Back Into the Club

2009: Refused Re-entry to the Club

2010: Arguing With Door Staff of the Club

2011: Barred For Life From the Club

2011: In Jail for Trying to Forcibly Re-enter the Club

2012: On Parole, Looking for a New Club

Haha, good one OS.

Funny thing is, I'm not joking

Ha!

[OnSong]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatman_Scoop

Just for everyone's reference....

[Dirko]

Released this corker;

[Iron Fist]

‎2 drunks visit a brothel. The Madam takes a look at them & says to her manager, "Go put inflatable dolls in 2 bedrooms. These guys are too drunk to notice."
During the walk home, one guy says "I think my girl was dead. She never moved or made a sound" The 2nd guy says,"I think mine was a witch"
"Why do you think that" asks his friend. "Well, I bit her arse, she farted in my face and then flew out of the ******* window!"

[valleys07]

I went to the pub last night and there was this fat girl dancing on a table. I walked passed and said "amazing legs"
The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so"....

I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now you fat ****"